Dreams or Should I Say Nightmares

I have mentioned before I have sleeping issues. They have been tremendously better since I began medication but last night was horrible for a different reason. I have been sleeping in the guest room and seriously dreading moving back upstairs b/c this bed is so much better than mine. I have begged my DH to move it up there or him come down but it is only a double and we need a king b/c the man is 6'5" and refuses to sleep with his legs resting on the floor. Can't say I blame him. The initial reason I moved down there was b/c I was sick, still am hacking lovely chunks and he refuses to listen to it all night. At first, I was more than a little upset that I had to move since there is no TV down here. Now I couldn't care less but I will move on to my story.

I woke repeatedly and would go back to sleep into the same dream. Had that happen? No matter how hard you try to tell yourself you are in a dream, even wake up and go back to sleep only to pick up where you left off? Not fun. If I were winning the lottery or shopping with out a limit that might be OK.

A bit of background for those of you that didn't read this from the beginning ( I forgive you). My DH and I have known each other for many years before we began dating. If you call having sex one night, moving in together the next, and getting married a few months after that dating. What can I say, we knew it was right or maybe it was just really good. Not sure but it seems to be working after 13 years. (Sorry if that was too much information for some of you.) Needless to say we each dated people the other knew. To be more clear, we both dated nearly every friend the other had at some point. The guy I dated right before my DH was his best friend's brother, D, and his best friend was married to my best friend. Did you follow that? I dated D for a couple of years but he had some serious issues surrounding his childhood sexual abuse and his mother's suicide. I was more of his therapist (yes, w/o a license and he got what he paid for). I knew he cared deeply for me even though he couldn't say it and that it would never be a marriage. We remained good friends for several months and I suddenly began "dating" my DH. I must also mention that D worked for my DH at the time and he didn't know how to address it and did a terrible job to say the least. He down played our relationship saying we were just "having fun" and "it isn't serious". This came back to bite him in the booty. Shortly after we moved in together I became pregnant. The very night I found out I was pregnant D called. He poured his heart out to me telling me for the first time he loved me and needed me in his life. I was "the one". I had saved him and helped him realize things weren't his fault and he couldn't live without me. I had to tell him I was pregnant and I loved my now DH. It was too late. After that he quite working for my DH and disappeared. He has had sporadic contact with his family but none with us. He has recently reappeared and he is quite the hot mess. He has serious a drug and alcohol addiction, he has never again dated, has tried to commit suicide numerous times, has been hospitalized for both his addiction and emotional issues, and he looks like the walking dead. I understand this is not my fault, I feel terribly for him but I know it has nothing to do with me.

That said, I dreamt over and over he rejected me at some sort of a dinner party. It was a big shindig and I was celebrating some big event for myself. All my friends and family were there. Several of you here were dressed beautifully and were amazingly thin, think movie starish. (Lisa, Mongoose, Jen, Corey, Lorie.) We were a couple and he sort of announced he was in love with my sister, Kiki. She didn't seem to notice but all I remember was how huge her boobs had become and they were overflowing in her gown. Her hair was thick and very long, she had to brush it out of her face several times. I kept feeling like she was a better person for him but she didn't seem to know they were now a couple. I tried not to beg him to wait until after so we could talk but he just started telling anyone that would listen that he was dumping me. I was crushed. I would wake up and go right back to that party. My DH was there and all I remember was how handsome and funny he was. He has a laugh that draws you to him and b/c he towers over people you can always hear him. He was trying to get me to get drunk (that seemed familiar, maybe that was how he managed to get me to "date" him many years ago). I was only interested is D and how hurt I was.

I woke up this morning still feeling hurt. My DH was glad he wasn't the villain in this dream b/c he usually pays for it IRL when he pisses me off in my dreams. Not fair? Too bad.