Thursday, September 11, 2008

Down to 5

Two nights of being near death with a fever and I think I am done. Let's hope so at least. It makes me sad that I know of 2 of my kids that had this and they barely made a sound about it. We all know it is b/c they were really sick but I didn't know. Same kind of thing happened today at the psychiatrist's office. He asked if Ruthie had bad dreams and she looked at me and said she did. He asked if she told her mom and dad about it and she said she didn't. I know they had to have bad dreams but they NEVER mention it.

I missed Ava's conference today. I feel so terrible abut it. I have been told by several people that it is no big deal b/c I have so many kids. That is the farthest thing from the reality. Yes, I agree that I have a lot of kids but that means I must do better than the average parent. Poor Ava gets the short end of quite a lot lately. She is always on my last nerve, every one's for that matter. I struggle to find nice things to say to her b/c I really want to wrap my hands around her mouth to shut her up for 3 seconds. Anyway, I am scum. I did call and beg her teacher to forgive me and allow me to make it up to her. I am showing up in the AM with something yummy to win her over.

Huge news!!!!!! Ruthie and Ava will be admitted tomorrow to that outpatient program for 8 weeks. I am not sure if I misunderstood or he misspoke but it only lasts 6-8 weeks not 6-24 months. I told him that I am concerned that they will appear perfect there and he promised they were experienced in this issue. I consulted my ATs and they have heard mixed things about the program and told me to consider it Respite. I loved that idea and decided to jump right in. They begin tomorrow!!!!!!!! I will only see them on the weekends and for about 15 minutes on each week night. They will pick them up from school and bring them home at bed time. They have a very structured time during those hours and do therapeutic activities between homework and dinner. I am so gonna love the time off. Michael, Patches, and Cyr will be next.

Update on Rosa. She is doing great! I am sure she doesn't always feel confident but she definitely sounds like a confident parent when she repeats my words to the strangers trying to help. LOL She has scheduled her son to have an evaluation in the middle of the week. It is hard being a single parent to a traumatized child but she is learning quick what not to do. I have high hopes for her and her kids. I am still keeping my fingers crossed that she chooses to move near us so I can help her more in person. One funny thing that I think she finally realized today is that she can not take her son in public. He kicks and screams and refuses to get in his seat causing a scene that embarrasses her beyond belief. I remember those times too well. At least her kid is still dressed when she leaves a store.


Mongoose said...

To be honest, I personally find that being sick is much less taxing if I pretend it's not happening.

Anyway, I'll be interested to hear how that out-patient thing works out as well. Sounds like maybe Rosa's son could benefit from it as well, if it's good.

Also I've been trying to think about what you had put out there the other night, about more effective ways to restrain your kids, and I can't think of anything that I think you'd find very helpful. As you know I'm a HUGE fan of cops ever since they arrested Wayne. But I suppose you won't want to do that. However, I think rather than a solution for right now, you need to be thinking of the long-term. Wayne laid a beating on two cops each 7" taller than him, and he was drunk at the time. The only reason they won is that a) they fight dirty and b) he gave up. So considering that you're having a hard time with Michael at seven years old, and you can't fight like a cop and he doesn't give up, what are you gonna do when he's fifteen? Well, I'm sure you've asked yourself that too. I think if he doesn't choose to quit, you're gonna have to get the cops sooner or later.

So anyway, trying to think of something you'd be more interested in, the first thing is that you've said a few times that your husband just loses it and freaks out on the kids when you're in danger. Well, with all due respect, I think it's time he became a more productive member of your team in that respect. They're children, and they're expected to learn not to "freak out", so I think the same can be expected of your husband. In my personal opinion, he should suck it up and learn to keep a straight face and do a hold correctly and safely. There is no reason you should be doing all the physical labour when you have a really big man there. He should be a help to you at those times, not one more thing to worry about.

The alternative I can think of, which would probably the worst of my three scenarious, would be to bring in a live-in caregiver strong enough to do the holds. Which I think would be a bad idea, first because it would cost a fortune, second because it would complicate the attachment process, and third because sooner or later it would probably need to be a big guy and you probably don't want another man living in your house full-time... That seems like asking for trouble.

So yeah. My three picks: 1) your husband helps out more, 2) cops, 3) live-in caregiver.

I hope these suggestions aren't as useless to you as they seem to me... I know you try to do the best for each of your kids but you do have to balance their need to have tantrums v. your and the other kids' right to be safe. For that matter after what happened with Wayne and the cops, I don't believe that a compassionate approach is the best cure for violent behaviour. Seriously, he hardly even dared raise his voice around me after he went to jail.

Anyway. Stay safe and good luck. :)

Maia said...

Yay for respite!

Tudu said...

Mongoose, I actually had that conversation with my DH tonight. He has to remain calm and step in. e really isn't here for most of the restraints b/c they are angels the second he walks in the door except if they are really having a bad day. On those days though he needs to step in. I will probably post in the AM about our afternoon and how my DH let my son have it for attacking me in the hospital. The poor guy doing the paperwork was shocked we were admitting the 2 sweet little girls and not my son as he sat there and tried to kick me and run away. LOL You and I are on the same page with this violent crap.

Christine said...

Your doing great. I could have written parts of your post.