Wednesday, July 11, 2007

AT and the Devil Foster Mom

My computer died for a few days so I was unable to get online and itching to do so. I have 10 kids this week and am needing a break from kids for sure. Two of my nieces are here and we have Mia (half sister to the baby we may be adopting) living her 5 days a week.

It has taken 14 months but we have begun. I really like the therapist and hope she is able to help us. She is pretty concerned about B, she has refused to speak or look up for 2 sessions. I am impressed with her staying power. B cried herself to sleep after the session yesterday even though nothing was even said. I guess it is exhausting staring at your fingers for 30 minutes. She was able to tell me she was mad at me for making her have therapy. That is pretty big for her, she never lets out any emotions good or bad. I think she will try next week b/c it is important to her to be the "good girl" and by not participating she feels like a "bad girl". Of course, all of this is in her head.

My son and D have done really well with the new therapist. They like the attention and since we have not gotten into the hard stuff they are happy to do what she says. I think the recent addition of Risperdal and Prozac are helping more than anything. If I would have known the difference in them, they would have started them a year ago. I tried so hard to avoid meds but in the end they really needed them. They are both struggling to control their emotions but rages are few and far between.

P is out of control lately. Her new favorite name for me is "Devil Foster Mom". Both devil and foster are supposed to be the getcha words. She is becoming so angry that I have had concerns for the other children and myself. She has tried to push me down the stairs along with hitting and kicking me. She spews her immature yet creative names at me with little or no response from me until two days ago. I am tired of taking the crap she really feels for her Mother. Anger and sadness are expected but I an tired of being abused by my children. When she screamed that I wasn't her real mother I responded she wasn't my real daughter but I loved her as much as if she were. I was not hateful, I know it sounds mean but it really wasn't. She screamed her real mother would never make her do chores or send her to her room for a time out. I responded, my real daughter probably wouldn't have so much anger that I had to protect her from herself.

Once she calmed, 2 hours later, we talked about the things she has been saying and how they make me feel. I hope I am not giving her more power to spew her venom but I think she needed to hear it. We talked about how I can tell she struggles to love me and her Mother and that she can love us both. I can love more than one child and she can love more than one parent. We are not in competition, we have different roles just the same name. She feels she is betraying her Mother and she is very angry at her parents. I made it clear she does not have to choose between us. She can not go home to her for her safety. She has asked me several times over the last couple of days if it is ok to be mad at her Mother and still love her. Progress? I hope. I am tired of looking over my shoulder before heading down the stairs.

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