she believes Ruthie is being truthful. She asked her many questions and I explained what I had told Ruthie. She is not going to diagnose her with anything but will be seeing her every month until we figure it out. She sees Patches and Michael every month already so she will just join them. I am still not sure how I feel about it.
Patches still just sits there and stares the doctor down. She doesn't speak or blink. It is weird. We adjusted the meds for Ruthie, Patches, and Michael. We are going to try to split the antipsychotic up a bit more to help them cope with the afternoon hallucinations. I pray this works, I can only dance so fast to keep them from completely flipping out every afternoon.
I am concerned about Michael. He is really struggling to remain in control. He is slipping away and there is nothing I can do. I feel like we are watching his life blow up in slow motion. I keep reminding myself that just last Fall Patches was extremely out of control and now she has a light on. She was so flat for so long and now we see laughter and smiles. I will admit they are not always normal sounds that come from her. She is beginning to have a weird screech to it and it happens when nothing is funny at all. She is laughing at her hallucinations. I am glad they are entertaining but I wish they wouldn't happen in public places. LOL
I will admit I had a hard time holding back tears on the way home from the doctor today. We had to stop by the store for groceries and unfortunately I had to tote 5 kids with me. Patches, Ruthie, Michael, Ava, and Emma. They barely held it together. I had to focus so hard on keeping my cool and keeping their attention that I almost just left it all in the aisle. It's not that they were terrible, it's that they were stressed from the doctor. We had to stop to find the restroom 3 times. I mean really, come on. I won't make that mistake again.
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4 comments:
Hugs...I can't even imagine trying to shop under those circumstances!
I've been reading while you go through the stages ... first it was denial, but I dont recall you being angry really, then bargaining (if i just love them enough, if we just wait long enough, etc), peppered with some sadness/depression, and now you are working on acceptance. With that though comes learning to deal with it all. For example, how to deal with the public with you have loved ones with schizophrenia or related illnesses. I know you have other children with issues and you are certainly a super mom but having three children with hallucinations is a lot to comprehend and deal with. I hope that you have a good support system. Do you attend NAMI meetings?
With my sister, the teen years were the worst. She was undiagnosed and unmedicated, but it was when she really got bad to the point of not being able to control herself, her actions, or function in society. It took a several month long stay in an inpatient hospital to get her stablized on a medication that worked for her.
Still, she has to change meds sometimes because it stops working for her or the side effects are too bad. Her goal will never be college and a family, but stability and living independently. Stability doesn't mean that she doesn't hear voices or never sees things that aren't there or doesn't do or say inappropriate things, it means that she has less relapses. It means she learns her triggers and can recognize when she needs help, and asks for it. It means she can live alone and clean herself and her home without assistance. It means she knows how to manage her disability check (your kids may qualify for disability and/or SSI - have you applied - the process takes a long time) but still can't be in control of the bank account or check book. And with my sister, the main indicator of stability is that she doesn't do harm to anyone. She thinks she can read people's minds, even while medicated, and she thinks other people can read her mind. She hears voices that tell her that someone is going to harm her if she doesn't harm them first. That is when it is scary and she becomes unstable.
Try and get in touch with other people IRL that have family members with schizophrenia or related illnesses. You can learn a lot from them ... and they will be great support.
I admire your strength and your humor with your kids and your ability to parent children with difficult labels. Keep on keeping on & stay strong!
You are working so hard. I am rooting for you. Just wanted you to know.
Just realized that I gave assvice (unsolicited advice) and I am so sorry about that. I was trying to be supportive.
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