I am having a rough time with the fact we will be the foster parents and not the adoptive parents. I know it is stupid. I want to be Mom! It is such an important role and name I have never allowed our kids to call us anything but Mr. and Mrs. D. Mom and Dad were to be reserved for their parents. We have had one child that aged out of the system and refused to call us that and to her we are her Mom and Dad and the Grandparents to her children. I WANT TO BE MOM. We will also have visits with their families which is fine , but do we drive 100 miles every week? The state will now be involved for 12 to 18 months after placement. There is the slight risk they could go back to their families. OMG! I am so stressed out. I have been depressed all day.

The good thing is we will have more time to get our home together, but I have no desire right now. I want to cry. Our agency won't even allow us to proceed until we are sure the relatives are denied. So now I have to wait some more. I wish they would just move ahead and if it falls through, ok, on to the next group. We are not in love with them, just committed. We have been through this before, if it isn't the group then just find the one that is.

I hate waiting for our worker to call me back. She has gotten so much better since I explained I am waiting by the phone for an update. I was supposed to hear from her yesterday and did not. I want the other worker to know how important open adoption is to us. That may have an impact on the extended family members trying to get the kids. They do not have room for them. They probably feel guilty and do not want to loose their family and so they will try. If open adoption was an option, maybe the parents and family could relax. Our agency won't let our worker discuss it. This would be completely up to us after finalization.

I AM PISSED AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EXCEPT WAIT. AGAIN!!!