Sharing Without Saying

I'm angry. One of my daughters has intentionally violated another child. I have reported it and no one is going to do anything. Nothing legally. This child is so much sicker than I ever imagined. She admitted to have planned it and waited for the right moments when I turned my back to her. Literally, in the same room some of the times. Due to her age, they won't press charges. I want to. I will do everything I can to make that happen. She will do this again. She has promised to even threatening to kill me to do it. She has no feelings of remorse and did it to get back at me. She is turning into a scary person. She will not accept all the help we have provided over the last 4 yrs. She is moving into my MIL's home until she can be placed in an RTC. At this point, I can't see her ever returning to our home. We would need a miracle. She would need to want to change. She doesn't. I hope she changes her mind before it's too late.

My kids are wrecks. Three are wetting day and night, again. Others talk about feeling unsafe again. I have tremendous guilt for not stopping her. I know she went through great lengths to accomplish it but she did it to hurt me, for no other reason. The victimized child is terrified to be out my sight. She is clinging to me constantly. She cries and screams all day about nothing. She hugs me as I weep for the lost innocence of one child and the inevitable loss of another child. As the days go by, I'm able to remember that I love her, despite her actions. Right now, she repulses me. I can't look at her. I can't be mean but I refuse to act like she didn't do it. She has damaged our relationship, our family.

I appreciate all the support and I'm sure I will share more publicly, in time. It's too raw. I'm too angry. She is too sick. It's too awful. For now, understand that I really tried to save this child. I really wanted her to stay. I really wish I would have listened more clearly to our therapists and sent her to RTC before things happened. The assured me, no one could have seen this coming. No one. She was kind and gentle to the other kids. Sexualized, yes. A danger to small children, never crossed our minds. She was allowed to play with other children supervised with numerous cameras in place. If she could get past that, she was dedicated to her mission.

Cyr already has a new boyfriend. He is adorable and seems really nice. He thinks she is the cat's meow.

Patches has a friend at school and we are excited as she is pondering how to ask her to spend the night, once we are safe enough.

Michael is still on my floor. He is unable to speak about his feelings until after a rage and many bad choices.

Sawyer is trying to connect and come to terms with all that has happened since he has been here. He like some of us.

Emma told me she thinks she is getting fat because she can't see her feet anymore.

Ella is holding her own. I see so much progress since last year. She will be fine.

Ava is amazing. Our little girls that once stole and lied about everything is gone. A new thoughtful and protective child has emerged. She loves us. She wants to be here. She proved it by working so hard and tells me daily.

Anna is working on eye contact and talking about her feelings. She stuffs them away. She would run away if she had to go back to her other family. She recognizes we are safe, even when some aren't.

Kiera has stopped using the potty and is back in diapers. We'll try again in a few months when things settle down.

Wyatt is a constant challenge. He is all boy. He is a daredevil.