Friday, December 04, 2009

School Issues

I think someone should do a study about how kids seem to take turns driving their parents insane. I swear, except for Ruthie, they take turns. Perhaps it is my fault, I work diligently on one child's issues only to neglect the others, forcing them to give it back to me tenfold. Patches is holding her own while she is in the partial hospitalization program while Michael is losing his grip. I have returned to a whisper when I speak to him. He still insists I am yelling at him all the time, I hate only him, I am trying to make him have a bad life, I took his parents away from him, and he wants to live in the hospital forever. EVERY DAY. I take that back, I hear that at least 5 times any given day he is in school.

His teacher called me a few minutes ago. He was caught stealing. Moved his stick to yellow. He was caught hiding in the classroom. (This is a big No-No in our family due to the sexual abuse. The very fact he was hiding says he was slipping fast.) Moved to red. She talked about how he was shutting down, refusing to reengage, and getting frustrated. I felt sorry for them both, he had to have his cover blown and she had to see it. He looks like a tiny little boy when it is all over and you wonder if what you saw was real. How could this adorable, affectionate child become so enraged? We are in uncharted territory for him. He doesn't let his guard down in front of the school. Should be a fun afternoon.

Yesterday he lost complete control on the bus when Eddie spit and some hit the seat or him or both, I'm not sure b/c it gets bad after that. He took Eddie's head and rubbed his face in it. He refused to stop. Eddie became very upset and began crying. He humiliated the poor boy in front of every one on the bus. No consequence from the driver, of course. The second the bus stopped, Ava and Michael raced to tell me what happened. I quieted Ava since she had no business in the conversation and asked Eddie to tell me what happened. He went through the whole thing being interrupted constantly by Michael denying everything. I then asked Michael to tell me his side. It was exactly the same as Eddie's. He admitted to everything. He was still enraged claiming they were ALL lying about him. He is delusional and paranoid. I hate this illness. I hate what it is doing to my family. After an hour, he slipped back into our daily life without a trace of the child that raced to tell me his side and how the world is out to get him, eager to make it up to me. He and Eddie went on to have a great afternoon playing together.

Ruthie and Alyssa are both having their own issues. Not a concern for any one's safety but annoying none the less. Alyssa is fine if I keep her busy every waking moment and right by my side. Ruthie is fine if no one else gets in trouble. If they do, she flips out and begins raging, threatening me, and destroying things. The other day, I had to pick up Kiera under her arms and move her to time out for hitting someone with a toy, hard. She was throwing a tantrum and I never raised my voice or became angry, in any way. Ruthie threatened to report me to DFCS for abusing Kiera. She threw a chair at the window and screamed on our front porch for an hour. Typical Ruthie crap.

You'll love this one, Ruthie complains about things for attention. It is so much better here at home but it flares up at school occasionally. One way is that she tells them her head itches so they will check her for lice. Weird? I'll give you that. She seems to be trying to embarrass me in public lately, too. She waits until we are in the middle of the check out line and announces she may have lice or that her warts are growing bigger. She talks about her privates itching and even the color of her boogers but only around strangers. Never at home or the privacy of our van. I try to come up with colorful comments but it is hard when everyone is staring at you b/c they think I am unaware of birth control. I'm working on it though. I told her she was part witch and that's my the warts are growing. She doesn't have lice, she has bed bugs. The only time to worry about a booger is when your mother sees it it is on your finger. The best one so far has been when she complains about her privates, I remind her if she would start wiping it wouldn't itch and we will put baby cream on it when she gets home. I am sure she will continue to reach all new highs over the holidays and I look forward to the challenge.


Jennie said...

gosh, sounds like it all went to the crapper! It was awesome meeting you though! thanks so much for carving out some time for me. I hope tomorrow night's dinner gives you some much-needed laughter and endorphins!

Book Lover said...


How do you stay in love with these children? That constant negative drip on your emotions and heart has to take its toll. Do they ever show you any love or gratitude so you can keep going? This must be sooo hard. You are a strong woman and wonderful mother to be able to take care of these children. If I lived close, I would love to be able to give you some respite (If you trained me LOL) Praying for you this season.

Kim Chrisman

MomInTheTrench said...

My kids take turns. No question about it. Seeing the other "down" makes them feel good about themselves.

I also love me some public humiliation. I love your wiping response. You should tell her the booger color code: Brown ones are for wiping on pants, White ones are for eating, Green ones are for flicking. People still stare, but they move away. . .

Lindsey said...

I teach Head Start in a community where most of the kids are coming from pretty rough homes. My life has become about giving the kids the emotional support that they are not getting at home, working with the parents to support them, and fighting the district with everything I have to get the kids and the parents the services that they need.

Right now, I am so incredibly emotionally drained and am having a hard time keeping up the fight. The hardest part has got to be that right now it seems like everything I do to help the kids is sabotaged by their parents, and whenever it isn't it is sabotaged by the district.

Which leads me to why I am commenting on your blog -- as I have read it from the beginning over the past few weeks, it has singlehandedly given me back the hope that what I am doing can help these kids. If you can do what you are doing, which is a million times more difficult than my job, then I can make this work. Also, for a long time, I have been thinking about becoming a foster parent. I am going to start the process now.

Tudu said...

Jennie, it was so great to see you this week. I look forward to many more chances to giggle about our crazy lives.

MonInTheTrenches, I am stealing your booger code!

Lindsey, I am thrilled and terrified for you! It is the hardest and most rewarding thing in my life. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning and another one to hide in the closet. Good Luck!