Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas Fiasco

I must have skipped over the Christmas afternoon episode. Sorry. I am trying to forget it and move on.

I had mentioned things were going well that day and I spoke too soon. Michael had been pushing the limits but was pulled back without much drama. That is until there was drama. I can't even remember what set him off. He went wild with anger. It was worse than usual. He put all his energy and efforts into hurting me. I was having a hard time getting a good grip and in the process he managed to bite my left breast and leave a huge bruise. Trust me when I say, I do not bruise easily and if a bruise is visible, he had to work very hard to get it there. He then grabbed the next available skin and it happened to be my other breast. He grabbed a handful and twisted as hard as he could. He slammed his head back against my chest that afternoon and it left a very tender spot on the front of my left shoulder. When the kids hug me, I wince in pain when they try to lay against me or hug me.

As I mentioned, I really don't remember what started it but I should have seen it coming. He had taken the trash out moments before and told me a bunch of cats surrounded him. He claimed they were circling him. They were trying to scare him and hurt him. It was painfully obvious this didn't happen and he was hallucinating. I comforted him and we moved on. He came to me several times asking if I was calling him. Later he became irritated, claiming I had been calling him and was trying to trick him. Shortly after that, all Hell broke loose.

In the end, he kept slamming his head back against me and I wasn't against the sofa so we fell backward. Since we were sitting and I was behind him, you would think if anyone would be injured, it would have to be me. It wasn't. He said he heard a snap in his neck because he was trying to hit me with his head as hard as possible. He began to cry and complain he couldn't turn his head. I waited a second to be sure it was real.m Yes, I have been tricked into believing they were hurt or were done just so they could really hurt me. I quickly realized he had hurt himself and I began trying to assess the situation.

The sad part is, my first thought was that I was going to be accused of harming him. It was going to look like I had restrained him improperly or was abusing him. In fact, I was not doing either but can't control his head in a basket hold so he is free to harm his neck. He turned out to be fine and just needed a bit of ibuprofen and to sit a spell. What if he had been really injured? That is always a risk with violent children. I am confident that he would tell the truth when he is calm but he is easily confused due to his low IQ. What if they didn't believe him? What if they didn't understand how ill he is and the damage he is capable of? It is always easier to blame the adult in the situation for abusing the child. It is hard to believe this sweet, almost angelic looking tiny boy can rage for no reason for hours. I can't get him on tape because he goes limp. I have no proof other that my word and the word of my children that he is so dangerous. I'm sure the hospital staff would see the marks on his body or the injury as a reason to report us. Another investigation would follow. Would they just glance at us and know or would they think that they've been called twice so they must have missed something the first time? We are in danger every time he goes off.


Lisa said...

I think the same things when my kids get the slightest mark. It is so ridiculous that we live like this - worrying about explaining the whole thing to every new person we cross paths with. I used to always think "where there's smoke, there's fire" regarding allegations of abuse (this was when I was much younger and had ZERO experience with traumatized kids) - and I guess I believe that every time cps gets another complaint about us, that's what they must think too. I know that just because we've had an investigation (or six) that doesn't make us child abusers - I know we aren't. Everyone else seems to think there must be something cps is just missing if it keeps happening though..... I complained to the cps worker the last time that she really should look at the allegations and KNOW that this is the same old stuff - and it's always been unsubstantiated and her response was basically that as foster or adoptive parents, we are held to a much higher standard when it comes to cps complaints. That all of the foster/adoptive parents in her office have very thick files due to all the complaints called in. Huh? Does that make it right? Does it make any sense even? All I know if that I cannot fail to parent out of fear. I have a few kids who will make me pay if I say no to any request (no matter how outrageous) - it's always just a matter of how much.

Maia said...

Wow, that sucks. I think you are right to be concerned about allegations (obviously). I'm sorry you got hurt.

Anonymous said...

well i hope that even tho through all the drama that the kids enjoyed their gifts and things. there is another box on the way as well.

rissa from lmw

Marthavmuffin said...

Tudu I worry about you. You just don't deserve the pain he puts you in - both physically and the emotional stress and worry. What about putting up some discreet cameras (and don't let the kids knwo they are there) to catch his acting out

To protect you from allegations?

Nobody deserves to be battered. He has all the power right now and probably wont stop until you can protect yourself in some way.

I was battered as a child by my brother who also went into uncontrollable rages, and did things like hit me in the head with a hammer, smash my books and games, throw heavy items at me.

I spent many hours barricaded in my room away from him.

I still don't trust him and thus will not let him stay with my family when he visits from over 2000 miles away.

I wish you safety and peace.

Melissa said...

I am sure the idea of putting in cameras has been addressed before. I used to work closely with the loss prevention specialists at the dept store where I worked. They had these tiny cameras that were about the size of a quarter, hooked into a vcr that was out of the way and hidden. We changed the tapes every few days or so and the camera recorded everything in it's range.

I can't imagine how frustrating it is to be constantly worrying about false accusations. Hopefully soon Michael's doctors will be able to come up with doses that work for him like with Patches.

I hope you and your family have a Happy New Year!

Abby said...

Are those nannycams an option? So sorry to hear that you (and he) were hurt so much in this latest episode. =(

Linda said...

Have you considered installing security cameras in your home that video tape all events? Your kids would either start to behave really well ... or once they got used to them being there, then you'd finally be able to have evidence of what happens. It would serve as a means to protect you legally, but it might also offer insight to educators and medical professionals who are trying to assess your children's conditions.

MamaKate said...

my first thought is cameras as well. if you are not protected who is going to protect your other kids?