Another Trip to the ER

Emma has been vomiting since Tuesday night. I thought she was better today b/c she ate a bowl of cereal. A few hours later she began throwing up and screaming with pain. It seemed to be focused on the right side so off we went to the ER sure we would have to have her appendix removed. This is not the child for surgery or any kind of test including medical ones. She panics, big time. She is so high strung that tonight when the doctor mentioned she needed to have some blood tests run, the child freaked out worrying she would fail. Crazy child. Anyway, turns out her intestines are paralyzed. I had no idea this could even happen but it does. It couldn't move the food she ate today so they gave her meds and she was giggling within an hour.

Right before this photo, the nurse put in her IV. Being the dramatic child she is, I blew off her comments that she couldn't move her arm afterward. I walked to the other side to see that she actually couldn't move it, the nurse accidentally taped her arm to the bed. I guess I should've believed her.

Tomorrow I am taking Cyr and Patches to spend the night with their Aunt and Uncle for the first time. I am so excited for them. Ella will be spending the night with my sister, Kiki. Ella has no idea and will be thrilled. I hate to just send her but no one else can go. Michael is acting out too much. Ruthie is sick. Ava steals. Emma probably needs another day to recover. I even offered for Rosa's kids to go but they have a visit with their Dad. Maybe I'll just see how Em is feeling.

We have a Grand Jury date, March 4th, next Wednesday. I am excited and scared. I posted a bit over on my other blog about it. I would love to hear from anyone that has been to a Grand Jury Trial so I know what to expect.

The Buckets

Emma stayed home from school with a stomach virus, she is getting worse. I had 3 more come down with it tonight. I am in Hell. Someone save me from the buckets of vomit I am expected to cheerfully empty and return. I really don't mind that so much, it's when they attempt to make it to the bathroom and miss the toilet. Fun, fun.

I moved the video monitor in the little girls' room so I would hear them call me. I am sure I won't get much sleep between their retching and hollering. Good thing they are cute b/c they sure smell bad.

Playroom

This is the Playroom and the 8 ft desk my DH made. We have room for all 4 computers but only 2 are up right now. That artwork above it is the kids' personal that we paid the school to frame for us. $30 a pop at their Art Show!! He is putting an 8 ft black shelf under them so I can display their lovely ceramics they make me. I painted the one wall with chalkboard paint.





The back wall has 4 of these huge shelves with toys. I plan on painting the wall red behind it but that will mean moving the darn things. I may rethink that idea.





They have a giant dry eraser board that goes from the ceiling to the floor and the black wall on the right is a chalkboard paint.







These need reorganizing but are supposed to hold their books.

All In A Days Work

So far I am surviving, one might even say thriving in our chaos. I have managed to paint part of the Playroom a gorgeous red, rearrange all the shelves in our walk in Pantry, hang multiple pictures around the Living Room and Playroom (b/c we have lived here for a year and not hung one picture until today), and even decorate the mantle with a ton of photos after framing them all. The kids watched me paint some old chalkboards frames and hang them up in the kitchen, they were amazed at how their old beat up ones looked afterward on my Kitchen wall. Everyone has clean rooms and all the chores were done and managed to stay decent even just a half an hour before they are going to bed. I knew miracles could happen, just never thought I would witness them in my own home. I can't make any promises for tomorrow but I will take a picture so I can prove it happened today.

I plan on writing the weekly menu up there so I can point instead of repeating myself a hundred times. I hope it encourages them to learn to read. LOL







The tree in the middle is a really cool gift we got for our adoption from their Aunt and Uncle. It is a family tree with everyone's name on it with a few empty for room to grow.

Help!!!

Rosa has abandoned me with all 11 children for 3 days. I am in Hell and it is only the first day. She took off with her friends to see one graduate from Boot Camp. I know why she really went, the kids are out of school for the week and she wasn't going to get caught dead here with them. I can't blame her. In fact, if I could've thought of a reason to leave, I would have been gone and not looked back.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids. I just prefer them to be asleep. They are so much more receptive to my love then. They don't dig their little elbows into my breast as they hug me. They are quiet. All good things, in my opinion.

I am going to try to potty train Gia while she is gone. Gia asked to wear panties so what the heck. It could go wither way, she could be mad for missing out on being peed on by her darling daughter or she could be thrilled to have skipped that lesson and enjoy the diaper free days that are sure to be ahead of her. I am hoping she will be happy.

Valentines Day

I took Cyr and Patches to AT yesterday and informed their AT I would not be crying. Apparently she took that as challenge and made me cry. Things were going well the first 3 minutes and then we began talking about their future. We talked about how important it was to me to keep Patches here with us for both her and the other kids. We talked about the new med changes and suddenly things moved to how damaged they are. She said Ruthie, Michael, and Patches are all in the same boat. They are all on the extreme end and will more than likely never recover to have families of their own that are normal. I knew this, I have felt this but hearing someone else say it was devastating. She doesn't want to discourage me or the kids. She feels they will and have made enormous strides in their healing. She just feels they are severely traumatized and will probably never run their own households with a loving spouse and children. I am sure college is not an option for those 3 with their tremendous delays in school.

My DH and I were talking about them on our hot Valentine's date (more on that later) and decided the best way to describe them is that they have been home almost 3 years but haven't matured a day. Things have changed for them but they are still many years behind their actual age. Ella, Ava, and Cyr have matured, their likes and dislikes have changed. They seem older both emotionally and mentally, the other 3 don't. They are also the 3 that are so severely behind in school that "catching up" doesn't seem likely in a hundred years. Patches seems light years behind the other 5th graders, Michael is almost 9 and fits in perfectly in his 1st grade class, and Ruthie is almost toddlerish in many ways.

I am not complaining. I have seen change in other areas, real emotional growth. I adore them and love to watch their self esteem grow. I see them attaching in their own ways. I am saddened as I begin to realize we aren't really talking about RAD anymore, it seems we are heading towards more serious diagnosis for those 3. I know most think RAD is pretty serious and I agree. It always seemed more temporary to me, something to work on. There is nothing to work on with Schizo Affective Disorder, years of therapy won't change it. Michael is hearing voices, his are different. He is becoming scared that he will be like Patches and is reluctant to talk about it. Ruthie loses chunks of time, she does things and legitimately doesn't remember saying and doing things. All the kids are due for another psychological evaluation and I am nervous about the results.

Back to the hot date, the first in years!!!! We went out alone and stayed out long enough for me to enjoy 2 margaritas and get all warm and fuzzy. Cyr texted me that Rosa was crying but upon further questioning, I felt Rosa was fine. She handles the kids beautifully and doesn't put up with their crap. I had given all the meds out before I left and knew they would be eating a late dinner and heading off to bed soon. (I found out later Ella had told Eddie and Gia a very scary story and freaked them both out. Not funny for Rosa but funny that Ella did it.) We came back home with pints of ice cream for the 3 adults. We headed to bed shortly after consuming our fair share to snuggle with the baby. Sound boring? It was the highlight of my social interactions in a very long time. I ordered for 1 person, sat through the entire meal, and even went home with a handsome guy.

A Visit to the Jail

Their mother has written their Aunt M. and asked her to ask me to visit her in jail. She wants to talk to me. I called the Det. and A. D. A. to see their thoughts and get advice. We had all discussed this at our last hearing but I wanted to be sure we are all on the same page.

The Det. can't give advice but said she would encourage me to "cover my ass". She is so funny, she had already mentioned a mini recorder but that was before her superior told her not to give advice. When I pushed her for ideas of how and what to say things, she laughed at me. She said she was confident if anyone could break her, it would be me. She wants to meet with me immediately afterwards to go over things.

I haven't heard back from the A. D. A. but she promised to get back to me this afternoon. I know how she feels, she wants me to go. I am hoping she will be able to push me in the right direction. I really want them to record the conversation themselves and the only hope of that happening is with the A.D.A.'s assistance.

I am nervous about going. I am sure I will have a lot to say, I am angry. I want to win her over so she will do the right thing and testify against him. I feel sorry for her, she never had a chance at a happy life. In some ways, she is a victim herself. I have dreamt of this visit many times with many outcomes. I am completely open to suggestions.

I don't think I have mentioned Emma's new boyfriend, have I? She is taking her relationship very seriously even though he asked her on the playground. She will not hold hands or kiss b/c she's "not that kind of girl". I about fell over. He is a sweet kid but has severe ADHD and is unmedicated. His parents are in denial. He comes off as a "bad boy" b/c he is constantly in trouble. She doesn't see that though, I think she just sees him as misunderstood. I see a future in saving young men. I am not looking forward to it.

Michael slept in the Dining Room last night b/c he is so mean to Eddie lately. He threatened him again at bedtime and has now lost the privilege of a room until he can be more safe. He had to camp out there in a sleeping bag. He really wanted to do it in the Playroom so I had to find a less appealing place. My first choice was the Reptile Room but was quickly out voted by my DH and Rosa, something about him hurting the animals or letting them out to hurt us. Whatever, it stinks in there and everyone is caged up.

Shunned

We took them to the park yesterday b/c it was 70 degrees. Yep, you read it right, Spring has snuck a few warm days in to get me all pissed off when Winter returns this weekend. My son humiliated me there. That is hard to do. The place was packed with mothers and their children. He threatened to punch Emma for getting to the monkey bars before he did. No biggie, right? I made the mistake of asking him if he said it. That's my crime. He proceeded to scream I was stupid and mean. Still no biggie, right? I mean after all, he does this all the time. I calmly requested he sit down on the curb and calm down. He then screamed louder and called me worse names. He went on to rip out his shoe laces and throw them down while sending daggers from his eyes at me. This is not particularly bad except when I turned around, every mom there was looking at me like I was the worst mom in the world. The tension was thick and no one made eye contact with me until much later. I want so badly to fit in with other families and it is really painful lately that it won't be possible for some time to come. To me, we feel like we are close to it, then we mingle with "normal" people and our issues become so obvious. It is so strange how some of their behaviors and issues become normal for us.

A woman approached me about an hour later and confessed she has a 12 yr old son with BiPolar and she understood. We ended up talking for about 15 minutes about our children and situations. Her other son rides the bus with all my kids and they are friends. She just lost custody of that son to his father b/c he doesn't believe the boy has it and discontinued all his meds. She is really having a hard time coping.

After we got home, Michael continued his tirade. He never fully recovered. He has begun yelling at me that he doesn't want to live here and wishes he had never let me be his Mom. I have heard that for several days now multiple times a day while his violence towards me increases. Last night, I had had enough and when he was done beating the front door with a giant stick trying to break the glass, throwing the rocking chair off the porch, and punching me I asked him to tell me where exactly he wishes he lived. Now, keep in mind I always forgive everything they say, he knows this. I was very kind and lowered my voice to a near whisper. I assured him that I was trying my best and I want him here with me but he has made it clear it is not what he wants. I felt I was holding him back from true happiness and was willing to hear his ideas on a better family. I would consider anyone he chose. I did this in a very loving way and expressed all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Rosa and I both heard a very strange cry from him. It sounded very different from any other cry we have heard. It was like he was crying for the first time from sadness instead of anger.

It was hard to do that to him. I really think he needed it. We did discuss what are things he could yell if he needed to. I gave him a couple of suggestions that got him to giggle against his will. "Your feet smell!" or "So what, you have grey hair!" or "You are the most beautiful Mom ever!". I told him any of those would be fine and much less hurtful since they are true. I think he loves me, it's just in his own distorted way. I know I love him, tiny fists and all.

Huge news for Cyr. Ready? She spent the night with a friend!!!!!!!!! This is a first for her. She was so excited. She must have called home a hundred times. She had a blast. She was looking forward to sleeping in but I think she was too nervous b/c she got up very early with the mother. The girl's mother is a local school teacher but was unaware of our family and our situation. There were no younger children in the home so I felt OK about not sharing her history. I am trusting her more and more, please don't let me find out I am being snowed!!!!!

Ruthie melted down yesterday and started swinging at me. I did a really cool technique that I haven't done in years and took her to the ground before either of us got hurt. I spun her around like a top as she swung to hit me. My DH stared in amazement. She screamed at me for about 30 minutes about how ugly I am and finally calmed enough to lay there on her own for a few. She eventually got up and did her chore as I had asked previously. I asked her when she was doing better what she felt was the reason for the fit and she she agrees it wasn't the chore but couldn't come up with another idea.

My son is always a terror. He screams things like, "I freaking hate you!" throughout the day to any of his sisters or parents that make the mistake of asking him a "stupid" question or tell him something he doesn't want to hear. He is always overboard on the emotions. He will instantly begin throwing things to the ground or ripping them up before he is even sure about what is being asked. The teenage years are going to be REALLY hard on me. I will have 6 teen girls all cycling and a teen son that acts like he is.

Yesterday he knocked over a tall heater b/c he was asked to bring in a chair, like the other kids. He was asked to pick it up and began attacking me. He threw himself to the floor and then began kicking and hitting me until I could get him in a better position. He is very small and I am lucky it doesn't hurt with his are hands, I will be in trouble if he grows. What was different about this fit was he bit me. That's not normal for him. It took everything I had not to smack the crap out of him to get my hand away.

The other kids were great all weekend. My DH built a desk that s 8 ft long for the kids to play on the computers. We have 2 up and have 2 more that will go up. We have one wall covered in giant Rubbermaid shelves that holds their toys. They will have so much more room for jacking around in here. I am so grateful that I have a husband that can build things, even if it takes years to get him motivated.

Patches had another difficult night. No one was hurt. She screamed at me that a girl at school is picking on her and no one is doing anything about it. This was somehow my fault and it was also the first I have heard of it. I must really work on my mind reading skills, I am letting my children down.

The AT's are making a safety plan for Patches, they have chosen a residential treatment center. It is local and will not do much in the way of healing her but it will keep us all safe. They take Medicaid. It will only be used as a last resort. I think it was more damaging to "send her away" than it was to have her here holding us hostage.

We will also be discussing a change in her meds back to the original Risperdal. We switched her b/c of the food issues she was having with it but now it seems like a minor issue considering the alternatives. She is desperate, we all are. She will have to commit to a daily exercise plan before we do it and we have to have the Psychiatrist agree.

Kiera is such a wild child. She threw my cell in the toilet on Sunday and tried to flush it. She will crawl or climb up anything that holds still, including the kids. She doesn't stop moving until she is asleep and even then she twitches. You can't turn your back for a moment, she is off carrying the dog by it's neck or taking a giant bite of body soap and saying, "Mmmmm". She is talking up a storm. She is still using one word to express herself but it is really funny to be told by a 1 yr old to "Get!" or when she wants to have her blanket she yells at you "Lovey!". She is bossing this family around and learned quickly how much powere she has. This will not turn out good, I promise.

Yesterday Michael and Eddie filled a hole with dirt and their pee. Ruthie and the boys stirred it and splattered each other with it. They then turned on the other girls. We were about to head out to dinner when I discovered their crime. The boys and Ruthie were unable to join us for a Mexican dinner, they stayed home with Rosa and threw fits. Good times.

Just a Taste

I decided to post the video. All you will see is her screaming/breathing thing she has been doing lately. It lasts about 2 minutes and does not even show her slamming her body into the window or the hurtful things she said. She had already thrown cups and folders across the room and ripped up her plastic folder and homework all b/c she refuses to bring home her agenda. This was somehow my fault. You will hear me at the very end telling her she has a choice and then it shut off. Her choice, as always, is to stop screaming and scaring the kids or do it as much as she wants out on the porch. This fit was short compared to some of hers and was only about 30 minutes. She was very remorseful and apologetic after and did her best to comfort all the kids. You can't see her drooling all over herself, she does this every time she gets upset. She had no idea I taped her until after. You can see why I was worried the first time she did this, I thought she was hyperventilating. Sorry it is sideways.

I have a love/hate relationship

with Kiera's asthma medication. I love that it helps her breathe better but I hate that it makes her a demon. She gets so wild after it that she runs around and bites, slaps, and pinches us. She can't slow down for a very long time and she is dangerous to herself as well.

Patches lost it tonight. I videoed some of it. Her life is going to be very hard if this is how she is going to act. She scares the kids. It is so sad to watch them scatter when she is told something they know she won't want to hear. They react before she can. Ruthie cried in another room the entire time Patches screamed. I am not sure if I will post it or not but I don't think you can see her face the entire time. She tends to hold her head down and her hair covers her face. If that is the case with this one, I will post it tomorrow.

The baby is really sick. She caught something the kids had floating around. It didn't get them nearly as hard as it has her. She won't let me set her down and she is having trouble sleeping soundly. Hopefully it will be over soon and we can get back to our regularly scheduled programing.