Thank so much for all the support. I deleted the previous post but am leaving this so new readers won't get too confused. I do need to clarify that the kids were not part of the issue. They haven't ever seen his issue. Michael is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. He has never brought drugs home nor does he drink very often anymore. The problem is that he refused to see that alcohol was a problem. He agreed drugs were and stopped many years ago. He will occasionally drink (convincing himself it wasn't a problem b/c he would only do it a couple of times a year) and he has to do it until he is completely passed out. He is one of the funniest people I know. He is the life of any gathering. He is adored. He is also out of control. He can't stop himself. He doesn't drive or get angry in any way. He just drinks and drinks.
The issue at hand is that he went to a birthday party with friends from our past. We do not have a squeaky clean past and that is what has helped us relate to our children in some instances. These people are no longer a part of our social life. He does have a work relationship with them and assumed things had settled for them b/c they are successful and seem to have it all. They had a huge party with ALL our old friends and he wanted to go. I refused but Rosa went. They got drunk and were offered some things that were an issue for him a long time ago. Being out of control and an addict, he relapsed. I have no doubt that he won't do it again but I refuse to allow him the luxury of living in our home pretending he can control himself. He needs to work on his addictions. He admits now he is an alcoholic as well but a little too late. I am deeply disappointed that he involved our daughter but make no mistake, she got it from others, not him. It is as if he has 2 completely different sides to him. He is ashamed as he should be.
I am confident we can find a way to make this work. It will never be the same. The kids deserve to have him in their lives b/c he is a good father. I just can't handle his crap while he gets himself together. I love him. He loves me. I refuse to be angry and fight about this. I have too much on my plate and this was the best way for ME to cope. We haven't fought once about this. Of course, he agrees with everything I say at this point. LOL Wait until he has been sober for a few weeks, then he will give me crap again. Until then, I will enjoy being right.
I am fine. I actually feel empowered the last 2 days. I will get through this. I have no choice. My only lingering issue is if Rosa plans to stay. She has lived here rent free since the end of October and I have asked her to pay our two smallest bills that run about $200 a month if she decides to stay. Given the issues with her son and mine, I am not sure she will. I will be fine either way. I can support myself and the kids just fine if I can find a way to purchase a 15 passenger van without a payment. That alone would save me $500-600 a month. We are trying to find things to sell to manage that.
Kids are fine. Emma is mouthy. Patches is s l o w l y improving. My son is doing as he is told. Cyr is fantastic. Ella is pitiful but that is usual. Ava is excited about the pool. Ruthie is worried about 5th grade next year. Kiera is a nightmare and she has them constantly all night. The child never sleeps. We finally got her Medicaid in place so that is a relief and I will be getting some advice on her issues soon.