Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am trying to get myself together again. I dread opening up Blogger. I don't want to be negative about our life. I hate that I am feeling that way. I feel beat down about so many things. I am still able to play and tease the kids but my drive to keep a clean house and stay on top of things has slipped away. I can't find the energy to plot and plan ways to make them cope with their issues. I really want them to just be better already. Selfish, I know. With the Summer coming, I am not sure how I will fill their days but I hope to get a grip in the next couple of weeks. I am feeling a bit better after a few weeks on an antidepressant.

On to an update....

I had 2 more IEPs this week for Ella and Patches. One was great and was stressed me out to the point I bit my lip until it was bleeding. I am sure if you have spent any time here, you know which one was who. Ella is testing at grade level! She has made huge improvements since Christmas. She is becoming more and more independent and they are confident she will be able to drop services if she keeps it up another year. The only thing that holds her back is confidence. She needs one on one for her to attempt things but she is very competitive.

The other was my dear Patches. I won't sugar coat it. She is in serious trouble educationally. They knew it was going to be bad and asked a principal into the meeting. This is a first at this school and I have had 17 of them there in the last 2 school years. They all wanted to promote her to the 6th grade and I begged for her to be retained and placed in a contained classroom. They claimed she would be mainstreamed in elementary and could be placed in a resource class in middle. I asked many times what they do with their other emotionally disturbed children and they told me they mainstreamed them. We went round and round to the point I was nearly in tears. I refused to let them see me cry. The entire time the county school psychologist sat in a chair behind a huge bookshelf. She stepped around the corner and handed the principal a note when I began to question their story. A moment later they told me about a program for severely disturbed children that will be in our home school next year and is more of a therapeutic environment. I was livid. I knew they had been lying. It turns out they only take a few students and you have to meet certain criteria. They claimed they couldn't make this decision then that I had to wait until next year. I am a tad more than upset. You all know me well enough to know that I am going to be on top of their rear from the first day. I will not let this ride. So with that information, I agreed to promote her to the 6th grade.

Cyr is doing well in school. She is still shocked at all the drama that surrounds her. She refuses to believe it is anything she has done. She is becoming a social butterfly. All of the sudden she has plans every night and expects me to drop everything to bring her to her friends house. I don't and she is very angry but handles it well.

Patches is still having episodes, daily. She refuses to do her chore. She screams and cries for an hour. She breaks things and tries to cut her self with them. She pulls out chunks of her hair and I am not sure how the child isn't bald. She beats her head against the floor and walls. My favorite part is when she yells about how mean I am and that she will hate me forever. She has improved so much that she is no longer hurting others when she is in this state. She will threaten to but hasn't actually made an attempt in over 2 weeks. I am so proud of her. She is also trying to address situations BEFORE they happen. She knows she can not handle dancing in front of other kids so she asked me how to handle it. I suggested she talk to her teacher about it before the event and see what she thinks. They worked it out that she would do it behind the teacher and she was able to handle it. Huge progress, I'd say. She had an accident today at school and had decided she didn't need extra clothes anymore so I had to take her with me to the AT for the other kids. It was a disaster. She had to sit in her pee and when Michael called her "Stinky Pete" (I always call them crazy names and he wasn't really calling her stinky b/c he had no idea she smelled from across the room) she went off. She melted down in the office. It continued after we left and I had to return to their office b/c she was trying to strangle herself with the seat belt. We have an hour drive and I had to wait until she was safe. They couldn't believe her mini meltdown. All they kept saying was, "You sure have your hands full." Our regular AT wasn't there so it was just a therapist.

Ruthie is still losing time. It is very strange. No one quite knows what's going on. I believe her. She is upset by it.

Michael hasn't hit me in about 2 weeks. His daily Vistaril is really helping. He told me today that he is worried he will hurt someone someday. We share that same concern. He talked about some heavy stuff in AT. He said the only safe sister he has is Emma.

Emma has developed a mouth on her. It is getting really bad. She won 2nd Grade Idol this week. She does have a nice voice when it isn't being snotty.

Ella is working hard on her stuff and I am proud. Not much else to say.

Ava isn't stealing. I am thrilled but can't tell her b/c she will start back up. She is the master of hiding at chore time but that's about it. I am pleased with her progress.

Kiera. Kiera. Kiera. She is a hot mess. Nightmares after her mother came to visit were so bad that she is frightened of me in the middle of the night until I turn the light on. It is sad and very scary. They usually die down after a week or so. I had to take the beast to the ER b/c she bit a plump tick and swallowed the blood. It was disgusting and nothing they could even do. I wish the doctor wouldn't have suggested I take her.

Any questions? Maybe that would get my brain moving.

MarthaMuffin, I have sent you an email and posted on your blog. You said you wanted something, I'm here. Feel free to post a comment about it, if you wish, I will not publish it.


Annie said...

A random stranger sez:
I think one of the points of the internet is that you really only ever do get one (or maybe a few) sides of your personality and your life across. Sometimes people use it to vent, and I think most people realise that doesn't mean that that's how the person thinks ALL the time.
FWIW, I don't find your blog too run-down - in fact I find it encouraging towards the days when I think I will be a foster carer (and in a place that, I think, takes a bit better care of its foster carers.)

TsMom65 said...

About Patches' IEP meeting: Check out your rights before. You don't have to agree to any placment. YOu can ask that they IEP recess for 10 days and reconvene. Tell them you want to consult an attorney and special ed advocate. They will be hopping.
Go to Wrightslaw.com

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update Tudu. I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to be positive for anyones sake that reads this blog. I just want to know that you're okay mostly...and that your kids are still okay. Though, I always enjoy reading about what's going on in your life (good or bad)and stand amazed at your ability to deal with it. I hope that doesn't sound wrong. I don't enjoy knowing that you have "bad" in your life, but I do enjoy reading about how you handle it.

I haven't forgotten that you are human and the fact that you're having a hard time dealing with things right now doesn't make you any less amazing in my eyes. Perhaps it makes you more amazing.

I'm firmly convinced that your kids are a million times better off than they would have been anywhere else. Personally, I believe that you were CREATED by God to be these kids mother...but not necessarily their Savior.

Thank you for the update.

The Bus Driver said...

wow some heavy stuff has been going on in your life. I've wondered how you were and how things were going. I'm glad you posted the update. :)

Patches IEP meeting sounds like a huge clusterf*** from hell.

Erin Merryn said...

You have a lot to be proud of adopting all those children. You have to have a big heart to take in so many kids. God Bless you!

Parenting the Hoovers said...

You say whatever you need to say and want to say on this blog. It's yours. It's not here for me or for anyone else to get what they need. It's YOUR place to vent, to scream, and to dream.

So don't worry about negativity. It comes. And it goes. And hearing that you have bouts with it helps the rest of us when we do.

Michelle said...

I have a question...

How did the party go?

BTW, so sorry to hear about your husband. I can feel his regret coming through your post, lol. I'm sure you'll work this out too, but I understand why he needed to go for awhile.