I NEED Advice

It seems I always procrastinate about telling the big fun events. It's just there is so much to tell and I'm writing it slowly and trying to deal with another fire, OK two of them.

The first is Sawyer. He is scheduled for a psychological evaluation with our therapist's office. After a few sessions with him it is obvious, he has Reactive Attachment Disorder. It's not just attachment issues like I had hoped. He has had a brain scan done and he doesn't have the brain of a child with ADHD. He shows many of the symptoms and signs but his brain doesn't show it. It's intentional behaviors. Now that we have a clearer picture of him physically, I have been asking a lot more questions about his past. He was traumatized, that's for sure. He was moved quite a bit and he didn't stay at the GGma's house the entire 3 yrs, as we had understood it. He had been sent back a few times to both parents and to the mother only to return to the GGma.

Now we have to think about coping with his VERY annoying behaviors while he tries to heal. It is overwhelming for my husband. Our other children allowed him to live blissfully with them for 4 yrs and rarely see any of their lovely behaviors. This son does not. He has to annoy everyone. He accidentally hurts people constantly. He breaks everything he touches, he puts everything in his mouth regardless of the danger, everything disappears, he steals, lies, and hoards, he pees and poops throughout our home and property, he has hygiene issues, he has horrible boundaries, he "misunderstands" everything her is told, he won't be quiet for more than seconds, he back talks and must have the last word of every conversation, he is disrespectful and rude, he refuses to make any eye contact, and he is in a constant battle for control.

I'm sure this didn't even begin to make clear how difficult he is. It feels like he is more difficult than the 6 together, when they came. I know that is not true. It just feels that way. I must admit, I am secret amused that my husband is struggling this time. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish this on anyone. I don't want him to suffer. I'm just happy he really sees it. It allows me a moment to step back and giggle. It helps me cope knowing I'm not alone.

The other thing is Ruthie. She is about to be discharged. The kids are terrified she will return here. They don't want her here anymore. We are stuck. Medicaid won't pay for her to stay in a facility that she is so well behaved in. They want her to come here. They refuse to qualify her for additional services because she is so well behaved. She visits and acts like an angel and then we find out she had pushed her limits with her brother on 2 occasions. Nothing major, they just let us know she has no intention of really changing. It makes me horribly sad.

Here's the dilemma. If she comes here, I worry I can't keep her safe. The new kids could be removed. If I refuse to pick her up because I fear she won't be safe, they can charge me with child abandonment or deprivation. They could remove the new kids. We wouldn't be able to finalize their adoption with felony child abuse charges. In the real world, we haven't nor will we abuse any children. (Although, when I find pee in the corner of my living room or poop in my hallway, I take deep breaths and remind myself of this.) In the insane world of child courts, we can and will be charged. We may be able to fight it. We have a paper trail and professionals willing to help us. It would be too late for the new kids. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. Either way I look, I see felony charges and the loss of 3 innocent kids, for her. All for her bad choices.

Any advice would be helpful. I would love to hear privately from anyone that has been through it. At this point, any thing would be great. We are desperate. She is being released Thursday.

I Wanna Tell You About the Carnival...

but we have all been sick and recuperating since. Forgive me. Gimme a few more days to tell you how fantastic it was and who came. If you were here and wanna share some things in the comments section, please do.

As If We Needed More Drama

It seems as if my dear husband has been set on a path of self destruction without any intent. Yesterday he was at work and sliced off his thumb print. Literally. He had to go to the hospital and have it sown back. Who does this? He has built things and used nearly every power tool there is (Yes, I know how lucky I am to have a husband that can build or fix ANYTHING) with ease and skill. He Thoroughly enjoys his job. In 16 years, he has been injured on the job maybe 3 time. All minor. He thought this was minor until the meds wore off. He whined and moaned and then finally begged me to find an all night pharmacy to fill his scripts. At about 3 AM, he was able to get some rest. He tossed and turned and cried out until I got the kids up. He is a mess. He claimed he could still build the last booth today and pick up the inflatables. We'll see about that.....

Here We Go Again

My son made a big butt out of himself today in the therapist's office. He never slowed or stopped talking about nothing. He managed to get in no less than 7 digs into me, trying to hurt my feelings. (He didn't) Stopped playing only to walk over to me and fart quietly and walk back over to play across the room. (He didn't think we would notice) He got up in their face and wouldn't give them appropriate boundaries. Trashed all the toys and couldn't remember how to pick them up. Couldn't think of one nice thing to say about me, even after some prompting. Made up whoppers the entire time he spoke. He refused to look at anyone, insisted on staring at my shoulder or the picture on the wall. I know some of you experienced moms of traumatized kids are thinking, "Hmmm. That sounds familiar."

It was blatantly obvious. I'm not sure what hid it from me before. Maybe the connection to his GGma? He seems to have a connection to her. Not anyone else. Those examples alone are not the reason for my pause. He also has the worst impulse control of any child I've met. I assumed it was ADHD. I know with a couple of my other kids, they were dx'd with ADHD and it was RAD. I think this may be the issue here, too. He is obsessed with scary movies with lots of blood and gore. I dismissed it as being a boy thing. I've never met a boy that sneaks to watch trailors of scary movies or hounds their parents constantly to watch them or talks about them as much as he does. Tonight I asked him to lather up with soap and shampoo and call me in to check (because the boy stinks every day). I gave him exact instructions with what to use, how, and even where. He called me in and he was covered in conditioner from head to toe. Really? He knows what soap is. He had to be in control. He is in a constant state of conflict over power and control. Add to these things, no real friends, low self esteem, pooping and peeing all over our house, learning disabilities, difficulty with affection, no understanding of cause and effect, stealing, and being destructive. What are we looking at? ATTACHMENT

All I keep thinking is why me? Craptastic, folks. Another kid to drag into feeling my love. I will do it. Make no mistake, I am glad he is my son and I am up for the challenge. I had just hoped we would all have an easier ride. Anna seems to be so much easier to feel love and affection. She seems to want to be loved and belong to a family. He is fighting me tooth and nail. I was so excited when he said he loved me the other day. I have a sneaky feeling he was pulling my chain.

I sat him down tonight and invited him to take as long as he wanted but I would be here with enough love for both of us. Of course, he asked me 20 inappropriate questions during this conversation and stared at my shoulder. LOL I warned him that the harder he pulled, the stronger I would become. I'm sure he'll accidentally leave me a poop present outside my door and have no clue what I'm talking about when I bring it up. I can't wait to look back on this year and feel like he accomplished something other than to drive me over the edge.

My Little Singer

It looks as if Ruthie will be leaving the RTC in 3 weeks unless she shows them some of her behaviors. They can't continue to get funding for a child that acts like an angel while in there. I'm not sure what we will do, at this point. Thinking about it makes me nervous. No word on Michael or Patches.

My MIL came up and spent the night. She did laundry, cleaned, made the kids clean their rooms, made breakfast, and made homemade fried apple pies. We didn't want her to leave, ever.

Anna is quickly taking on some of my quirks. She now makes up stupid songs and sings them to her siblings. As I'm typing she is singing, "I'm gonna fart...on Ava's face...she's gonna cry...no wonder why". LOL Mine aren't about tooting but other things. One goes like this "I'm a nasty girl and Mom don't care. I brush my teeth but won't brush my hair. I'm a nasty girl and Mom don't care. She's got a big butt that's shaped like a pear. I'm a nasty girl and Mom don't care. I smell like poop and she swears I'm a mare." You get it. I go on and on and on. I have morning songs and bedtime songs and just getting on my nerve songs. It helps lighten the mood when I start to get annoyed.

Speaking of annoyed. My husband is extremely annoyed by Sawyer. He gets in your face and won't back off. He runs circles around you. He chatters constantly about things that make no sense. He works very hard at being annoying. With that said, he revealed something to my husband that tore him up. He was devastated. He listened, he hugged, he comforted, and he called me to vent. The uncle was a very busy man. Most of you know what that means. I'll be calling the D.A.'s office to see f they will be adding charges and to see what the next step is.

A New and Improved Family

My last post hit a nerve. I received a nasty comment on my Facebook. In my ever so immature way, I wrote her back privately. She accused me of being a martyr, at fault for all the crap that has happened here this Summer, and that she couldn't talk to me about her feelings because I'm such an ogre. It irritated me but I'm grateful it has come to head and it's over. I'm surrounding myself with kids that want to work on their issues and live successfully in a family. They don't have to be perfect, just making an effort to contribute instead of sucking the life out of us. We are in a good place and will continue to work hard without the distractions of angry self absorbed people.

Some little turkey butt here brought home a head cold that includes a lovely fever and sore throat. Lucky me, they shared.

This weekend is the weekend we will be building and finalizing the booths for the party. It is exciting stuff. So far we know we are having the 70 ft obstacle course, bounce house, kissing booth, dinosaur dig, duck pond, stiker, ring toss, nose pick, tattoo/face painting, balloon darts, and lollipop tree. We are working on plinko, tic tac toe, fishing, and maybe a potty toss.

When Kiera turned 3 the other day, she was snuggled up to me and randomly told me she wants to live here. She doesn't want to live with another mommy. It broke my heart and I'm not sure where it came from. I assured her that she would live with me until she was all grown up. She asked if that was when she was 4. She is such a cutie.

Good Bye

I haven't forgotten about this place. I keep thinking I've posted something only to return and see it's been a week again.

My husband is surviving. With all the laying down he did, I'm not sure how he managed to pull a muscle in his neck but he did. Wah Wah Wah I swear he is worse than the kids. I wish I could find more patience with him but I can't. He needs to suck it up like I do. LOL

Yesterday Peyton fell off our picnic bench in the kitchen. He does this at least 3 times a week. I was just a few feet away and peeked around the corner to see he had a pool of blood under his face. I lifted him up and thought it was coming from his ear. I almost panicked. I quickly wiped away the blood to see where it was coming from and noticed his ear was clear. He had put his tooth through his lip. All the way through. There was tons of blood, as there usually is when you injure anything on your head. I managed to get the bleeding to stop and put some ice on it.

After I left for therapy with Michael at the hospital, he fell again. I returned home to see he had fallen on the cement and scraped his forehead, nose, and lips. If that wasn't bad enough, he has continued to fall over and over on the winter clothes we just took out to sort. Poor kid is in bad shape. Nothing serious but nasty looking, for sure. I feel so bad for him.

All three kids placed out of our home are doing extremely well. That is not necessarily a good thing. They are honeymooning and won't be kept there is they aren't exhibiting the behaviors we see here.

Kiera is 3! She loved having a birthday. She insisted that everyone that called her had to sing her Happy Birthday. She was very demanding to us all day. She kept pulling the "It's my birthday" card. She ate 2 pieces of pie after dinner and made me rub her tummy becasue it hurt. The next day, she argued with me that it was still her birthday. I finally gave up and told her to take 2 days. You can't argue with a 3 yr old and win.

I have elluded to the current status of our relatinship with Rosa. She has once again cut us out of her life. She lives 2 miles away and our kids go to the same school. She ignores them. She expected us to give her a reference for a job but won't speak to us. She is finally getting her junk out of our yard and I couldn't be happier to have it gone. She refuses to speak to me to tell me why she is even upset. Most of you with traumatized kids can imagine she can make up reasons in her head to justify cutting us off. My theory is that we needed her. She did this after the accident and about the time Ruthie went nuts. I was losing a daughter and was trying to cope with the damage done to another child so she feared I might need her. I was stressed about my husband and I might need her. She can take with no problem but to give back is too hard. She has told my husband a reason but it stupid and petty. It doesn't make sense. She is gone for good this time because I can't and won't continue to be used by an adult. She will never come back without my constant effort. I don't have the energy to keep her engaged. I hope she gets the job and figures out how to support herself for once.

My little Tweedle Diva has slept 2 nights in her own bed in her own room. Tweedle Dude got up and snuck past the door chime and was found wandering around the house. Little booger. I guess we are forced to use the alarm instead to keep his booty in bed.

My DH is up and moving, a little bit. He is so tired that he had to nap after his shower this morning. The Tweedles are going back down now, too. Considering I haven't slept decent in several days, so am I!

Attention

I have no idea why I get so nervous when the case workers come out to the house. It could be that the future of our beloved children are in some stranger's hands. It was uneventful. They both agree the kids will be great here.

The only concern is how we could possibly give the appropriate amount of attention to each child. It's a valid concern. It's something I work very hard on. They get all of my attention. I have no visiting friends, no job outside the home, and no activities that do not include them. My entire daily schedule is all about their needs, wants, and dreams. I sit with them, I cook for them, I help with homework, I listen to their very lengthy and sometimes fictional stories, and I spends hours each month in therapy with them. I can assure you, they get the attention they need. I make sure to spend a small window of time with each individual child every day. I tuck them all in, I make sure to tell them I love them and how wonderful they are every day. I hug and kiss them every day. I make an effort to smile every time they come into a room or come up to talk to me. I laugh like they just told the best joke in the world at every knock knock.

I don't think they lack for attention. I'm the only one in need of my attention. You can tell this any day you stop by unannounced. You will catch me in my PJs well past noon, not becasue I am lazy but becasue I haven't found a moment to shower without 2 additional children in there with me or opening the shower door every 30 seconds. My nails are never manicured. Some days I forget eat or use the restroom. My hair is in desperate need of some color to hide the grey and a hair cut. I don't care, either. As we added more kids, I have been known to leave the house like that. My kids are always immaculate. I check each one as they walk out the door. Now all I have to do is train them to check me.

He Thought He Was Dying

I took Sawyer out of school yesterday and drovehim up to see his GGma in her new apartment. He misses her and cries for her sometimes. He needed a special outing to see her. It gave us some quiet time becasue we only had Peyton with us. I bet you are wondering where Kiera was. No, I didn't lock her in the trunk. She stayed home with my very sick husband and puking Emma. I was so glad to get out of here.

We got to the GGma's and as I walked up the stairs, I smeled gas. It was strong. SHe opened the door and it poured out. I quickly got her out of the house and began openning her windows while loking for the source. SHe had bumped the stove handle and it had been on for hours. If she had lit a cigarette, she'd have blown, for sure. I'm so glad she has been trying to quit and hadn't had one all morning.

We took her out to lunch and had a blast. It is still so surprising when my kids at crazy around their families. Peyton slid off his seat and ran around the restaurant several times screaming, "Na na na boo boo, you can't catch me!" with me desperately trying to catch him as he darted between tables. If the entire place hadn't been roaring with laughter, he might not have found it so fun. At least I didn't have 2 toddlers running in opposite directions like I normally do.

I mentioned my husband was home sick. I thought he was just being a baby with a stomach virus. He wasn't. He begged me to take him to the hospital. He swore he was dying. He cried out in pain the entire way and was upset that I couldn't stay with him. It turns out he was having a gal bladder attack. He has fluid built up around it. There are no stones and in some cases it happens after a trauma and heavy pain meds. They shot him up with morphine and he was all good after that. I picked him back up about Midnight with a fist full of scripts. He has to see a specialist and may need surgery to remove it. He shoudl survive, contrary to his belief.

Both the county the kids came from and our county are meeting with us today. My fingers are crossed things go smoothly and quickly. The thought of them stresses me out.

Na Na Na Boo Boo

Patches is gone. Ella bawled. No one else said a word. She slept the entire way there which is not surprising since that is how she deals with stress. SHe hugged the toddlers and I then walked away.

The toddlers were horrible. H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E. I was mortified. The staff was very kind and understanding. It made it worse. My most stern voice only made them giggle. Yes, giggle. It became a damn game. "Na na na boo boo, you can't catch me." I'm not kidding. I wanted to crawl under the table with them and hide. I didn't. I crawled under there and threatened them. They got up in their stroller and buckled themselves in. Then they argued about who made mommy mad. Kiki said, "Oh, Peyton, you made mommy mean." Peyton, "No. You." Kiki, "No. You!" This continued until we left. In the middle of this visit, Kiera tooted and smelled up the tiny closed office. I thought she pooped becasue she said so. I ran her to the bathroom and she hadn't. SHe wanted to go on the potty and DID. Huge for her. So big she told every person she met on her way back to the tiny office that still smelled like death. Thank goodness she is as cute as a bug.

The CW called from the county the kids came from and will be out with this counties CW Thursday. This county is not sure how to open us as an adoption home and not a foster/adopt home. We can't be opened as a f/a home because we have too many kids. Their county seems a bit irritated. Oh well. Just getter done.

Ella will be on their school's news in the AM becasue she is the Star Student this week. SHe may crawl under the table herself. Being in the spotlight is not something she enjoys. SHe will misplace her voice, I'm sure.

I'm Not Dead

Things have slowed down here with 2 of my ragers out of the house. I can't believe how calm the kids are. I am constantly cooking too mch food or waiting on phantom children to come in from school. It's weird. I feel like half the kids are gone.

Patches will be admitted Monday to the place where Ruthie is. The place that Michael is doesn't have room for her until after her approval expires. I had no idea they would expire. Medicaid refuses to give them extra time to get her in. I received a call from her therapist late last night and she said to do a lateral move in a couple weeks to the place Michael is. SHe said it will piss them off but Patches really needs to be over there instead. I'm all about pissing people off.

The kids ahve been out of school all week. We live in a county that gives them a week off every other month and a short Summer. It may work out better for me becasue I have them in shorter stints. I can keep them entertained easier.

We have spent the week working on catching up on all our projects. They have been cooperative and well behaved. I'm telling you, it's a new world over here.

Kiera is getting Peyton into trouble. She is so darn smart. It cracks me up. She will point out the banana on the top shelf and tell him to get it. He does. She showed him how to open the door to the garage and they dumped a 5# bag of shredded cheese on the lawnmower. SHe is in panties and convinces him to strip down to wear a pair. He always has poop in his diaper and it ends up on the floor. SHe tried to bury him in the sandbox. He has learned how to open the gate and when I yell for him to get back in, he runs giggling, "You can't catch me" with Kiera by his side. They keep me busy.

Sawyer is settling in. He has such a big heart. He wants to protect me. It is so sweet. He loves everything I feed him. Everything.

Cyr scared the crap out of me yesterday. The girl has had a migraine for 3 days. I told her she needs to go to the doctor and started loking for one tht could see her. No luck. I ran to take Sawyer to the doctor and she called me screaming. SHe felt a knife going thrugh her head and and could barely speak from through the pain. SHe called an ambulance before I could return home. Of course, having the kids home all week and working on projects outside, the house was trashed. I had been piling laundry up all day as it came out of the dryer. I'm sure to most it would look like a lot but it was sheets and pillows so it looked puffier. The dishes hadn't been done from breakfast and the floor wasn't mopped from the night before. Most families don't need to mop daily. We do. We had also trapsing in clay from the yard. It looked bad. I hope they don't report us. It is usually decent. Never spotless. Let them come clean up after my little pigs for a day, they'd understand that just becasue it was clean in the AM doesn't mean it is decent at noon.

Kiera's Mother and her BF are here spending the night. I grabbed her sister and they are passed out on the sofa.

I've been thinking, I really need to get back on here. I've been slack. Really, I've been overwhelmed. I didn't even know how bad it was until it calmed. I have a plan to take better care of myself and my marriage. It's working. Part of that plan is to get back on here. Don't hold your breath or anything. Just look for more of the old me to pop back in.

I tracked down Sawyer, Anna, and Emma's father. I had to call him repeatedly to get him on the phone but I did. He was crappy with me and threatened, nicely, to regain his rights and custody of them. I calmly explained it wasn't possible but he shoudl get an attorney. I assured him, regardless of his efforts to do that, we wanted to remain in contact for the kids sake. He played the blame game and skirted all responsibility for the need for adoption. It was sad. I laid down our rules for sobriety only in the presence of the kids. I couldn't care less about what he does at home, just be present for them when he's here. We don;t want anything from him except for him to remain in contact with the kids. He seemed relieved. HE spoke briefly to the kids and got back on the phone with me. He was much more polite. He asked if he was really invited to their party or if the kids shouldn't have said anything. I repeated the date and times and offered for him to bring his 4 step children and new daughter. He was excited to hear it. We'll see if her shows.

I have therapy with Ruthie tomorrow and a brief visit after that. Both kids are calling crying when they call. It's hard to remain strong. I keep assuring my son, he will come home when he's ready. We are waiting on him. I'm careful how I address it with Ruthie. I do not make promises. I can't see her here safely. I can't see her not living with us. It's gonna take a lot to fix what she's done.

My Big Night Out

Our cable went out over the weekend while my DH and I were out ALONE. You read that right, we were alone. Unheard of moment in our lives but we managed to pull it off with the help of my dear sister, Kiki. Crazy woman volunteered to spend the night here with them. Back to the cable, they came out this evening to fix it. Woo Hoo! You have thought we planned to torture the kids with no food and water by the way they were acting. Even the mention of a book and we had multiple meltdowns.

We had a ball. We got a room, took a taxi to eat, sat at the bar and enjoyed a few caramel appletinis with my meal, stumbled to the taxi to head back to the hotel, giggled the entire way through the lobby as the clerk teased us about our evening's plans, made it to our room to eat the cheesecake we left the restaurant with, "snuggled", and passed out by just a few minutes after 9PM. The best night I've had in a decade, hands down.

I read about how other moms are sure to make time for their spouse and themselves. I have been jealous. No more! We made a pact, we are going to hug and kiss every day. Seems stupid to most people but I'm sure there are a few of you that have an idea of what I'm talking about. You wonder how we lost our intimacy? Try 1 to 3 kids in your room for the last year and a half. Try parenting kids that are constantly pushing buttons you had no idea you had. How about throw in 6 kids that cover their face when you do something as simple as kiss your spouse, acting like you just flashed a boob at him? I love him. He loves me. We just lost track of each other for a bit. The last thing I want at the end of the day is another person wanting something or needing to hang on me. I'm trying not to see our relationship like that. He is the one person in this house that I can have a reciprocal relationship with. Heck, he already changed out the shower head, mowed the yard, put in a pretty new ceiling fan in our living room, and several other little things that I've been begging for for months. Now if he would just remember to fill up the gas tank when he uses the van. I know, I'm dreaming again.

I took Michael and the Toddlers to the new RTC to admit Michael. He was fine. I was crushed but he just walked off. The therapist said some really fantastic things about me to the doctor in charge. Made me blush. I really think the world of both of or therapists. He made it clear I am the best mom he has ever worked with and that I get it.

Now that I have shared almost all my good news. I must share 1 more little piece. I'm warning you, if you are a RAD mom sitting there reading about other people's misery to make yourself feel better, you need to join us. I'm going to Orlando with Corey for her Mom's Retreat! That's right, I'm getting to go. I know you are sitting there with your head down about to cry. Don't. Come with us. They had such a good time last year and I sat here sobbing about how horribly isolated I am with all my little crazy kids. I can tell you from experience, that was not fun. Go check her out, besides putting this wonderful retreat together, she is an interesting, funny, supportive, gorgeous lady. You will love her.

Stress

The stress is building here. My poor husband is losing his mind. He is stressed by the never ending energy Sawyer has, that both vans are breaking down simultaneously, that we had 3 kids sleeping in our room last night, that someone smeared poop on the bathroom wall again, that it is taking so long to move the kids to the hospital, that I have court Thursday and will be spending money we do not have, the constant pain in his leg from the accident, but all of that fails to compare the worry he has about his Mother's health issues. He blamed me for all the kid stress today. He swears I love all the drama and stress they torture us with. He just can't wrap his mind around the fact that we are just handling things differently. He, like the kids, feel like I'm not doing enough to get them moved. It's crazy. It's not up to me when they leave. I signed everything, it's all up to someone else now. We have dates. We just have to wait. He worries it is too little too late. He worries things won't calm down.

Like I said, topping it all off is his Mother's health. She was dx'd with breast cancer more than 10 yrs ago. She has been fine up until a couple of months ago. She hurt her shoulder and had it xrays done. She has bone cancer. It is advanced. She is a fighter. One of the toughest people I know. I can't imagine a little thing like cancer getting her down for long.

She was his world growing up and long into adulthood. His protector and cheerleader. The only parent he had. He can't think past the 3 year life expectancy. All he thinks about is 3 more Christmases, 3 more Thanksgivings, and how his children will never appreciate all she has done for us, for them. He is beyond angry with the way Ruthie and her husband are treating her. He breaks down at the mere mention of her. He wants to be there for her but can't seem to cope with this himself.

I explained to him that all the blaming in the world won't make this better. If he moved out of our home, "the source of all his depression", the very things he is upset about would follow him. His mother's illness, the kids issues, the pain in his leg, lack of intimacy with his wife, his dying van, etc. He would add a huge financial drain called child support. I suggested he think about living in his mother's basement and dating. LOL That thought alone makes me laugh. Wait until he tells them how many kids he has. ROFLMAO He isn't going anywhere any time soon. He just needs to vent and crawl back out of this hole he has been in since July 2nd.

We have a night out ALONE scheduled for this weekend. Thanks to my fantastic sister who is looking forward to babysitting for us. She suggested to save money we pack a snack and just do it in the van. She cracks me up.

I got a call this morning that Ruthie has an appointment for intake at the RTC next Wednesday. Just a couple ours later, I got another call that Michael will be admitted Tuesday!. Just as we were about to hang up, she mentioned she hopes to have Patches admitted by the end of the week. I can hardly believe it's happening. I'm relieved and worried at the same time.

I'm off to take Cyr for a physical so she can try out for Cheer leading. I can't believe she is interested with all her black eyeliner and dark clothes but who am I to judge? Appropriate social interaction, I'm in. Next year she plans on joining the junior police program here. She would like top become an officer one day.

Someone has stepped out of our lives for no reason that I can tell. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. I'm disappointed and angry that she refuses to return my calls and be the support she promised. Of course, we all know that our children struggle to really feel that connection and being needed means they must push us away. I hope she and the kids are doing well. I hope she doesn't need me any time soon because I will be too busy having a great time with the kids who want to be in my family.

Just A Quick Second...

to tell you someone found my blog by Googling, "I want my mom sexually". I guess it's better than the regular, "child smears poop" one I get so many hits from. I am so proud.

Remember When I Was Arrested?

Back in May I, the day before the last day of school, I bumped another car. There was no damage and we exchanged all our info and I left. The lady decided to call the police on me and the officer was a jerk. He claimed he was going to file charges against me for leaving the scene of an accident and obstruction of something or other. I informed him that I knew he couldn't do that and wanted to know what the problem was. I gave him my information including dln and insurance. He came back to the phone and told me to drive back to the scene, blah, blah, blah.

I knew something was up. I began to panic. I agreed to meet him at my house since I had some kids home from school already and couldn't leave. Long story short, my dl was suspended because I had chosen to pay the fine through the mail instead of making the almost 2 hour drive to pay in person. They didn't receive it and filed a bench warrant when I didn't show up for court. Oh, goody. The officer was a jerk about it and kept making threats and even high fived a fellow officer when he brought me into the station.

The deputy that signed me in realized right away that I was out of my element and took pity on me. She kept me up front and processed me quickly. I should have been out in about an hour but they lost several prisoners and had a lock down. More fun. In the end, I was charged with driving on a suspended license.

Fast forward to yesterday. I went to court because paying a fine wasn't an option. I was there on time and seated while the nastiest man I have ever seen in a suit called out all the names. He skipped mine. I waited until he was done and raised my hand. He hissed at me that I must have been late. I remained calm and told him no I was skipped. That was all it took. I was on this guys shit list. He growled at me several times. I'm not exaggerating, he growled. He later yelled at me in front of everyone and told ME to stop yelling at him. I had not and several other people were quick to be sure I knew they felt he was being mean to me. No one stood up to him, of course. He put my file at the bottom of the stack. I saw him do it and another lady looked right at me to see if I saw him.

There was nothing I could do. I waited on a hard bench for 3 1/2 hours with a fever. I was polite until the Judge called a recess and said the last few of us would have to come back after 1:30. Considering I have so many kids getting off the bus to a locked house at 2:45, I was upset. I approached another solicitor and begged her to help me. I told her I would have to leave because I can't leave my children unsupervised and outside. The other guy heard me and yelled at me again that he would send an officer out to arrest me, if I left. I lady looked at me and pointed for me to sit down, and hold on. He was treating me like I murdered a few kids for fun. She took pity on me and was able to have it continued. I signed a sheet saying I understood that I couldn't have it postponed again and I would be there. My fine would be $700 and a year of probation. WTH?

Is anybody else shocked by this amount? I watched case after case of DUIs and they got less of a fine. My sister said I would walk away with time served and she would know considering she this is her job (some days) in our county. I don't think there is anything I can do to change it and now I have to come up with the full amount or sit on probation for a year. Of course, we can't be on probation and be a foster/adopt parent.

I hope the fat bastard chokes on his biscuit.

Someone...

Someone went right back to bed after they got dressed and had to be picked up and forced out the door to catch their bus.

Someone peed on themselves and tried to walk out the door with a GIANT wet spot from his waist to his knees. He was completely shocked I found this unacceptable and only changed after I asked 6 times.

Someone pooped in my driveway and thinks I am mean because I suggested they need to be supervised outside to be sure they found the bathroom when they needed to go.

Someone has a room that smells like pee.

Someone's teacher called and said many good things about them.

Someone called their G Gma and told her I was mean and they wanted to come home.

Someone refused to eat dinner because they were mad at me for scolding them after they attacked another child for no reason that anyone else could tell.

Someone had to sit and explain to a teacher that the child they see at school isn't the child their family sees and the tantrum the child spoke of having over the weekend was a 3 hour standoff that included hundreds of dollars worth of property and death threats.

Someone was threatened by a school official to either dis enroll an absent child or be reported to DFCS.

Someone found out 2 kids will be placed at one local facility while the other will be at another one forcing the family to drive all over the state for family therapy.

Someone had a tiny camera on the end of a long cord shoved up their nose a very long way only to hear they need to have their adenoids removed.

Someone got a second opinion today they didn't like.

Someone has a physical for their pending adoption tomorrow with 2 toddlers that terrorize every waiting room they visit.

Wonder what tomorrow has in store for Someone.

The Big Event

Kiera's Mom and sister, Lexi, are here for the weekend.

I'm busy making plans and getting organized for our annual Birthday Carnival. We had an offer from a reader that we couldn't refuse. She is a face painter and henna artist! She is coming up here to do our party for FREE! Can you believe it? Kelley, thank you so much! The kids screamed when they heard.

So as it stands, it will be Saturday October 16th this year. It will be big. It will be fun. We are doing a 7oft obstacle course, a bounce house, Ring Toss, Dinosaur Dig, Nose Picker, Toilet Paper Toss, Duck Pond, several more games, and of course the face painting and henna tattoos. I would be thrilled to convince my nieces to dress the part and make balloon animals. They aren't returning my texts. LOL We will serve cotton candy, hot dogs, sno kones, chips and tons of soda and capris.

The kids have lots of ideas and if I were a millionaire, we would be having a petting zoo, laser tag, clowns, bubbles, a real carnival tent, fortune teller, a cake with Jacob (from Twilight) jumping out, valet parking, pony rides, dunk tank, and more. They sure can dream.

Wanna come?

We have 2 approvals for RTC. One came yesterday for Michael and the other today for Ruthie. They have requested a bed at the same facility for both and hope to put Patches there, as well. It's been harder than I thought.

I'd love to get back to finding humor in my life. I'm working on it. I don't want to be swallowed by grief or anger and if I don't watch it, that's where I'm heading. I'm trying to have fun with my kids a little at a time. We are all holding hour breaths right now. Things should begin to calm once the three are at the hospital. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.