Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Police at Their Finest

I took the youngest 5 to the grocery store for dog food and had Ava crying for the ride there and the first 10 minutes at the Customer Service counter. She was upset but not out of control. Michael lost it. I have no idea what started it but he went down hill fast. I had to hold his arms to keep him from knocking things over. I knew the trip was going to have to move quickly to make it out in one piece. I whispered to the clerk that is he had any weird complaints about us to just call the police and we headed off to get the 4 things we needed.

I had to hold his wrist to keep him from running and knocking everything over. He began pinching me over and over. I kept smiling to the other children and moving along. He flung out his other arm and knocked something off the shelf. I gave him the opportunity to pick it up or I would help him. He refused so I took each of his arms and helped him pick it up. A nosey man decided to intervene. He told me, "A little nice would go along way, Lady. He didn't do anything, I saw it fall." Considering the fact I saw him knock it off, I responded politely and calmly. I explained that there was more going on than he realized and my son has emotional issues. He accused me being mean, that helped the situation so much. Another woman walked by and offered her assistance, she quietly told me she understood what was happening and told me to hang in there. We made it to the check out and he threw himself around there until I carried him out.

Once in the van, he refused to wear a seat belt. I helped him put it on and he took it off repeatedly. I helped him out of our van and spoke to him nicely even though I wanted to scream. He ran to the other side of the van. I called the police. I was pretty matter of fact with the operator and told her he refused to cooperate and I couldn't go home. They sent an officer. He was polite and let me explain, I showed him our letter from the therapist warning of violent tantrums. My son is terrified of him and starts crying. He can't answer simple questions like, what school do you go to? Where do you live? Are you in special classes? I explained he is in Special Ed and struggles to learn things like names of people and schools, his address, his birthday, etc. He backed of a bit and asked if he would get in the van with his belt. Once he agreed, I got the 3rd degree. He explained the reason he was so good with him is b/c he has a degree in Psychology. He asked how many kids I have and how old they were. One of the kids hollered that Patches doesn't go to school so I had to tell him she has Social Anxiety. This idiot starts telling me she is Agoraphobic. I reiterated she had Social Anxiety, he told me to watch her b/c Agoraphobia turns into Schizophrenia. WTF? I smiled and thanked him over and over. I got the feeling this won't be the last we see him. He better not take us on as his pet project, he was weird and I don't need him trying to diagnose us any more.

I hate strangers! We left without the darn dog food, too.

On a better note, we had a blast at our Mommy and Me play date. I can't wait to try it again. My 2 kids were the best behaved there.

Fiting In

It was another decent night of sleeping. Maybe I can get back on track now.

We are baking brownies right now for our play date with a local Mommy and Me group. All the kids will be between 1-4 yrs old but Patches is really excited to play with them. She has come so far with younger children that I am completely comfortable with her doing just that. Emma has pink eye and I let her stay home from school so she will be joining us. I have a feeling I was manipulated by them both somehow so she could go. I think she needs this time with me and it will be fun.

Still haven't heard anything from the darn Detective. They were to be picked up by yesterday and I know they were home at 8PM per the aunt.

Michael was able to verbalize his feeling yesterday after his tantrum. The kids thought it was funny he rang the doorbell to ask if he may rejoin our family on our terms not his. He did his restitution and had a calm evening.

I think I posted about this the other day but it is still really bothering me. I have joined this great Moms forum for Moms in my area. I thought it would be a great place to start meeting friends for both the kids and I. They have a lot of play dates and activities but they communicate a lot online. I keep reading trying to relate and post but when I type it all out I erase it b/c I am afraid my parenting experience is so different. There is very little I have in common with them. They seem to make sill comments about things w/o thinking it through, if I said those things to my children I am afraid of the damage it would do. It's not that they are rude or mean it that they do not have to think about everything they say and do like I do. They are parenting by the seat of their pants and I have to think out every detail of the tiniest activity or comment. Does this even make sense? It just points out how abnormal we are. Damn it I want to rejoin society and I am realizing not only are our parenting styles obviously different but our size alone scares people off. I guess I hoped not to share our emotional issues and just fit in. I want my children to feel what it is like to be normal and not have everything we do revolve around a therapy of some sort. Maybe I will begin to post more and if they pull too far back I will look for another group that is more forgiving of our differences. I am sure we can manage a few play dates w/o standing out too much, it's just if we blow, we blow it BIG TIME and would scare the crap out of some kids. I feel like I need to warn them about possible situations and at the same time I don't want to share b/c what if we are to the point they can do this and I have shared unnecessarily. Not that I share their background or anything about their past just current behavior issues.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My son threw the XBOX remote at Emma when his turn was up. He then looked in my face and called me a liar even though he knows I saw it. I asked him to try again and he went off on a screaming fit. I escorted him to our beautiful back porch to find a plan to make this up to us. He has been back there for over an hour with no end in sight. He hates me. Oh well. I guess the other kids can eat his dinner if he chooses to remain there.

I Did It

I had a couple glasses of wine over the phone with my kids' aunt and we had our own little pity party b/c her DH is not home right now either. I adore this woman, our friendship is one of the best things to come out of this adoption, besides the kids. She had called to tell me about another allegation against the parents, their maternal uncle has accused them of raping his daughter and they have accused him of doing it to his daughter. This is the same 14 yr old cousin that had been hanging out with them and I reported to the Detective handling their case. I pray they are both wrong.

I was able to fall asleep due to the wine but I hadn't thought about the possibility of a hangover since I rarely drink. I got one. Not fun. I took some pain reliever and got them off to school so I could lay back down. I had to shut off my phone b/c some 800 number kept calling me over and over. I think I got about 6 hours total so I am feeling like a new woman. I feel optimistic again. I don't think I will try the wine again for quite awhile, though.

Our neighbor brought over his grandsons to play with my kids last night. I was a bit nervous to let them go out and had a quick chat about rules first. I watched them from the kitchen window and quickly realized there wouldn't be an issue b/c my kids couldn't catch the little boogers if they had to. After about 10 minutes, Emma and Cyr came in complaining they we tired of chasing the boys. The others came in one at a time about every 5 minutes until the boys had to leave. My kids need to learn to be active. Emma hates to sweat, she is too prissy. Cyr will lay in front of the TV without it on just waiting for me to agree. the rest will play outside but at a much slower pace than the boys did. I have to agree they were fast.

We had 7 Layer Burritos for dinner and Cyr ate about 2 cups of guacamole by the spoonful when we were done. They managed to scarf down an entire gallon of strawberries in 5 minutes.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Tonight's the Night

I am armed with a plan to sleep. I picked up a bottle of wine and plan to have an entire glass of it when I take my Melatonin. I tried to find Natural Calm but wouldn't you know they were surprised to be out of it. I warned the kids I am still crazy tired and I would be sleeping alone. Cyr left my bed in the middle of the night and confirmed to the children I was not easy to rest with.

The kids brought home their progress reports and I couldn't tell how well they were doing. They should give you a grade or number or something. They don't, it is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I will try to scan it in when they go to school for opinions b/c I am lost. Cyr was the only one that I found grades on and I am so proud to say she went from a D to a B in Math. Her Reading dropped to a D but everything else was great. It is a huge improvement form last progress report when she had 3 or 4 Ds.

Kids are still practicing their new attitudes and Patches and Michael are working as a team to clean up the living room w/o me standing over them.

Thank You So much For Your Kind Words

Y'all are the greatest! I just felt terrible for screaming like that. It has never bothered me when they are hateful b/c I know it is not me, it just really got to me yesterday. I guess I needed a pity party. I had figured we would have a tough weekend b/c their parents are being charged and arrested today, I hadn't counted on the lack of sleep. I will try that Natural Calm, for sure. This weekend won't slow me down, overall I see huge improvements from each of them in their own ways.

I gave them Little Debbies and milk for dinner. I swear I normally feed them very healthy food, no one was hungry after a really late lunch and I thought it would be silly after such a hard day. I was a bit weepy the rest of the day but they had no idea. I sent them all to bed a little early hoping to go to sleep myself. At 2AM I shut off the TV and laid there until 3:30 when I refused to look at the clock again.

On a very personal note, I now have 2 daughters that have become a "woman". She was in the bathroom a long time and I asked if she was OK. She told me no. I reminded her of our conversation just last week and she got a deer in the headlights look. We had another talk about what it means ans I asked her only question. "OMG, I could get pregnant?" I laughed out loud and and agreed. SHe confirmed she wouldn't be doing that until marriage (My fingers are crossed) and I told her we could certainly talk about this anytime she wanted.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

We had a Major Meltdown Today

The have finally driven me to the point I sobbed. I felt unable to control my voice, my feelings, and my body. No one was hurt but it is only b/c I put them on the back porch. Please understand I would never hurt my children physically but I needed space from 5 of them. This was the second time in 2 years that I got to the point I had to separate myself from them. I did have a point to why they were on the porch but first I will tell you about what brought me to that point.

I am back to having sleeping issues again. It has been a life long issue and I have had it under control for about a year. All of the sudden it is way out of wack again and I panic all night that it will go on forever and the Melatonin won't work anymore. I made the mistake of telling the kids to be quiet in the morning and let me sleep until 8 or so. I put a TV in their rooms for them to watch cartoons on the weekends only. Ava decided she would irritate them until they had to tell me. This was at 7:00 so I got 3 hours of sleep. Patches broke the shelf on the fridge I just sold and asked her to wipe off the outside of it. She hid it and didn't tell me. Now I am sure they guy will want his money back. I need the money. Ella is so determined to be a victim she makes up things so she can be pitiful. I know it sounds silly but it is extremely frustrating dealing with her in this area. Overall they were their usual selves until my son flipped out and attacked me like he used to b/c I asked him to put something in the laundry room. I had to hold him for what seemed like forever. I became upset and just let him go. He was so shocked he didn't move.

I ran to my room and cried. I never do this. I feel like I have control over our home and their issues. They just don't get to me, they can act like crazy people and I have never taken it personally before. I know alot of it is I am tired and miss my DH. I came out a few minutes later and only Emma asked what was wrong. No one else cared. They were just as demanding and selfish as usual. I lasted maybe 5 minutes and I flipped out myself. I screamed a bunch of stuff about how wonderful I knew they could be, I am tired of being the only one who cares about anyone, I am not their maid or punching bag, I am tired of wasting all my energy on the kids acting out and little on the kids behaving, and something to the effect of, "If you can't act like you care get out on the porch and come in when you can figure out what you can do to be a productive member of this family." Not my best moment, I know.

Emma and Cyr had not done anything wrong so were exempt from my tirade. Ruthie and Michael came in within seconds to apologize and give me their plan. They were great plans and heart felt. The Patches, Ava, and Ella stayed out there for over 3 hours. They peed on the porch, kicked the house, tried to break the windows, tried to tear up the porch board by board, and screamed. Inside we watched a movie, ate a great lunch, and had a treat all in their line of sight. Eventually they came in one by one and we discussed their plan and mine. They have been half heartedly doing chores since. I feel a bit better and have over heard all of them except the 3 doing chores actually making the changes they promised. They are picking up their toys, being attentive to each other's feelings, gone out of their way to do nice things for me, and have been fun to be around. I am not thinking for a second all their crap is finished but it was nice they pulled it together so I could catch my breath. I feel like dirt about blowing up. I couldn't help it, it has been coming a long time but I feel like maybe they deserve a bit of screaming once every couple of years. Please tell me you all lose it, too. I feel like dirt.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Breaking the Rules

Most of the house got cleaned today and the rest will be tomorrow. Then I can start all over Monday. It just doesn't seem fair.

I miss my DH. He is stranded in CO with no phone b/c they do not get service there. Kids keep asking about him. Ella thinks he is coming home when she goes to sleep, she doesn't grasp time.

Lisa, I think it is rude you are having a getaway and won't answer your phone. You had better be having fun.

We are breaking our house rule of no kids in our bed. Since Dad is gone, I am allowing each child to rotate out on the weekend nights. I swear it is better than Disney for them. We are working on being "normal". This is a very normal thing to do. Just like hugging your sibling when they are hurt, happy, or you are sorry. I noticed a few months ago, they do not touch nicely, only hitting or abusing. We are practicing alot of things. Humor is another. They do not know how to joke around and they shut down if you play with them. I have been giving them funny comebacks and wait patiently for them to repeat them. It is no longer funny when they say it but it is coming a bit quicker in the last 2 days for a few of them. I have to remind them they are not in trouble amny times and keep a grin slapped on my face til it hurts. I know it is weird but how can you have fun when you can't tease or joke?

Friday, April 25, 2008

A Little Bad with the Great

No news about the parents. Ruthie had a full blown meltdown and managed to kick me in the boob and neck 3 or 4 times. My finger nail got in the way and instead of breaking off like they usually do it turned inside out. I really wish it would have broken, this was much more painful and I had to suck it up and bend it back. It has turned a funny purple color and is so tender to touch I am not able to hit a key with it. It took several hours to calm her down and I am the only person hurt. Ella cried quite a bit during this episode but all the others were just irritated at her timing.

Now on to the great. I witnessed with my own eyes a miracle, true remorse from Cyr. There is no doubt this was sincere, it was her own words, and there were LOTS of tears. I brought up the parents pending arrests and asked her what are the differences and similarities between what she did and what they did. I waited patiently and almost moved on when I realized she wasn't talking b/c she was choked up. She was completely confused and surprised so she wasn't sure what to do. She let me hold her and she managed to speak between sobs that what she did was worse b/c the kids trusted her to take care of them. She admitted she resents them (nothing new) but she feels bad for it. Of course there was a lot more but you get the idea. She feels like crap! Yeah!!!!! That officially goes on the list of things I never thought I would say about my children. I couldn't be more proud of her, she has so far to go but this is was 100 steps in the right direction. I can't wait for therapy tomorrow. She just came out of her room b/c she forgot to hug me, someone has possessed my child.

All Over the News?

The Detective and AT mentioned something yesterday that kept me up all night worrying. Both mentioned not to speak to any media when they call. WTF? The AT went into a bit of an explanation but I failed to ask the detective anything and just agreed. The AT said that when they are arrested it will be all over the news b/c it is a big case with many serious charges. The reporters will dig right in. He is concerned that b/c we have an open adoption with extended family they may mention their new names or area of town we live and we can be located that way. I sure hope not, the kids will be devastated. We talked about last night about how they are heroes for telling us what happened. They hadn't thought of it that way before and you could just see their heads held a bit higher and their attitudes improved. They are heroes, they saved other children from being hurt by telling.

Ruthie told me last night out of no where that she is very angry her parents are lying and she admitted they are bad people for the first time. SHe wasn't upset, that alone is huge for her, she was very matter of fact. She is mad, they are bad. Of course then she didn't go to sleep but she didn't lay there and cry either. Yeah!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Star Student

The Detective called me several times this morning to tell me details of the case. She is so great, she has just one more interview with the paternal aunt and it will be recorded. She already talked to her and she is willing to testify that the kids' father did the same thing to her as a child. She has not had any contact with their father since she was in foster care as a child and then adopted. The D. A. and the Detective had a meeting yesterday and they have all they need to charge them. They will be picking them up Monday or Tuesday! They will video their mother and hope she blames the father and in the process confess herself. I will be doing a happy dance the minute I find out they have been arrested.

My first night without my DH sucked. BAD. I had a hard time falling asleep, DH called and woke me up, then I had an even harder time going back to sleep, once I was sound asleep I woke b/c I smelled something horrible that turned out to be the dog's diarrhea he spread all over the floor by DH's side and was licking it up, I grabbed him and ran outside in my underwear and T shirt praying no one would drive by, came back in changed the sheets, Lysoled the floor and bedspread, woke up all the kids with the noise, comforted all the kids back to sleep, and laid awake until an hour or so before the alarm clock went off. If he had been home I could have gotten him to take care of his dog, I miss him already.

Great thing happened today despite the lingering smell of dog poop. My son came up to me and told me out of the blue that he had cried the night I took back the picture of myself he kept in his room. This was genuine feelings, he was very sad that he had lost the privilege of having it in his room and he felt bad he had hurt my feelings. I bawled. I know it was b/c I am so tired that I am actually shaking but I think I might have teared up a bit even if I wasn't. This is the first time he has ever done such a mature, heartfelt thing. I am the proudest mom in the world.

I raced to the school today after AT and had lunch with our Star Student of the Week, Emma. Her teacher stopped me to tell me she had done well on her CRCT this week. Then she rephrased it and said exceptional. She wants to have her tested for the gifted program. I know she is smart, she struggled with learning to read last year so I just thought common sense smart but she disagrees. She said she finishes way faster than everyone else and then teaches the other children how to do the work in her own way not always like the teacher has taught them and she does all her homework for the week before anyone shows her how to do it. She feels she may get bored if she is not challenged in the future. I didn't know what to say, she is the light in my life, the child that adores her siblings regardless of their issues, she is happy to make any sacrifice for them, she is wise beyond her years sometimes. She is the only child that gives something back in our relationship and I am so proud to be her Mom. I can't wait to watch her shine. (Oh, the kids were right, this school is seriously laking in the cafeteria dept. It was nasty! How do you screw up fries?)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It Has Hit the Fan

My sweet Pook (DH) leaves around lunch tomorrow and the kids have started attacking me instead of talking about their feelings. I asked my son to help Ruthie unload the few dishes in the dishwasher and he went off. He began throwing everything he could get his hands on at me and the girls. I picked his tiny body up and brought him to the kitchen hoping he would calm himself down. I was wrong. He began swinging at me and then kicking me once I had him to the floor. I love living in the country, I put them out on the huge back deck and let them scream their heads off. He let me know he hates me, he is calling DFCS, and he won't do any chores. I thanked him for letting us know he doesn't want to be a part of the family and left him out there. He began throwing things at the windows and house so I had to intervene. I approached him and he hit me several times before I got a grip on him. The mistake he made was letting my Dh see him hit me. My DH is calm and collected until I am injured and then this evil deep voice comes out and it even sounds scary to me. He would never hurt a fly but it sure sounds like he would. Michael decided to allow me to get him on the ground and eventually stopped crying. He is now doing the kitchen alone and for a week.

The best part is Ruthie goes off on me every time one of the kids get in trouble. She hates me, I am stupid, she is calling DFCS, she is going to kill me, etc. I told her to get out, she was loved and we want her but I make her stay. She would never leave the deck but has been out there for about 20 minutes. If she wants to rejoin our family she will have to apologize to all of us for her nasty behavior and the kids will get to find a way for her to make it up to all of us.

They both have fits but this was particularly aggressive for Michael and it had been brewing all day. He had tried to argue with me about everything from Ava's meds to lifting the toilet seat. I hope they are able to talk and cry about things in the future instead of hurting themselves and others. I sure do love them, I am lucky to have them but at the same time they are lucky I am their Mom b/c I know for sure there aren't many Moms that would take all the shit they throw at me with so little positive in return.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Make Overs

They did this over Spring Break. We all got these lovely make overs. Yes, they got a hold of me, too. Since I have all the control over which pictures get deleted there is no evidence to prove it. LOL Some of us got scary ones and some were not supposed to be scary but were. From left to right starting at the top - Gracie (emma's sister) Paches, Emma, Michael, Ava, and Ella

The dark haired child is my niece, Abbie and the other one is Ava.

Cyr and a Night Out

I was told at the AT's office that they were extremely concerned about Cyr's need for uping the situation. When she is caught doing one thing she will stop that and begin with a new plan to try to deceive us. It is a constant struggle to figure her plans out. I blogged a small bit about her recent grooming of Emma and her dropping her Dad when a no contact rule was put in place. SHe later decided to begin slowly breaking that rule until she was able to get away with all her previous behaviors, I put a stop to that. The ATs' concerns is that who will be next. Do we wait for her to get away with something that will change the life of one of my children and cause her to never return home or do we take the step of placing her out of the home in an RTC that will help her and support her through it and she can some day return home? Her other behaviors are nonexistent. She will do almost anything I ask, of course, it is her way and never mine, she does her homework, she has no outbursts, she really has no other issues except her sexual predatory behaviors and her complete lack of emotions. Her AT claims that she has psychopathic behaviors that make her dangerous even though she seems harmless. I understand she does but I feel we have this under control. I couldn't bare the thought of her hurting another one of my children and as awful as this sounds, particularly Emma. She has not been abused and I feel it would do more damage to her than the others who have already experienced this trauma.

With all that said, we have decided to keep her here for several reasons. My DH has taken a job out of state for up to several months. He will make between 3 to 5 times his regular income and it gives Cyr and I time to work without his constant presence and distraction. He will return for the weekend after the first month a couple of times a month. I will have access to him via the phone, it will be an adjustment but since I do all the real work with the children, we will all manage and only have to miss him terribly. Another reason is I have her number, I feel like my children are not in danger b/c I am so aware of what she is doing I call her on it before she even has time to complete her thoughts on it. I know I am not perfect but I do see her real self even if she doesn't. The tiniest bit of progress she is making is here with me, not in AT. If she was to show real anger or have any kind of a violent outburst, she is 12, she can and would be arrested. We will continue with AT and they have agreed to amp it up to get to her. I feel confident I can handle this. I know most would feel, why take the chance? I feel, how can I not take the chance, I am her only chance of healing? As disturbed as she is, she is not even close to some of the teen girls I have had and I found a way to help them.

Back in November we had taken her to have a Psycho-Sexual done, we received the evaluation on Friday. She does view herself as the 3rd in command in the house, she views my DH as first and myself as second. She thinks of me as an important person in her life. This is significant to me, this is progress. I know most folks don't see the tiny things and rejoice but I do. Any change in a positive direction is a reason to celebrate. I know my limits, I have had to find them with other children, I am not close to my limit with this child. She and I can do this.

Cyr is having a very difficult time with her peer relationships. She always causes a lot of chaos with her friends. These kids have now shunned her and are all making fun of her. I know it is either b/c she is causing the drama or they have picked up on her "differences". Every child that has been in contact with her, and I mean only a year or two older, have all questioned me about her. They can tell she is different but can't put their finger on it. It is that obvious. She tries and tries to fit in but it only makes her sand out more. She is not even aware of what makes her different and that is what we are currently addressing.

My other kids are the best, I can live like this forever. OK, I must admit I had a night out with new friends that are Special Needs Moms Friday and that may have a bit to do with it. I love chatting away with with others dealing with this stuff. I found it so sad that several are having such a tough time and find themselves needing to avoid their disturbed children for their own sanity. I discovered, OK I knew but it was confirmed for me, that I am built differently than most. I am not talking about my voluptuous (a girl can dream, right?) body, I am talking about my ability to not personalize my children's behaviors. What they say or do does not get to me like I see it does to others. I am not sure how I am able to step back and wait for them to come to grips with themselves but I am. There are days I want to cry for myself or for them but those days are so few and far between.

There was a woman that was moved to tears not sure how to continue raising her child, she loves him but some of his behaviors were too much for her to handle. I truly felt for her, I see this so often. As she nears finalization she is worried she can not handle this forever. Will he change? Maybe, maybe not. I saw this poor Mother adding to the problem without even knowing. She gets so upset that she can't help but let him know it bothers her. She stresses, she bargains, and she does all the work. She is guaranteeing this will continue, if he has no control over it she is just making herself miserable trying to control the situation. She seems like a good Mom, she obviously loves her children, she needs help. How do you help families like hers. Therapy would help, yes but it doesn't give you directions to deal with the daily crap that is thrown at you. How do families learn to apply the techniques in their own situation when they are overwhelmed, confused, feeling guilty for disliking a child that has done nothing but force you to feel that way, and they have tried everything they can think of? Should they disrupt?

I have been teasingly asked numerous times to come home with people, to let them come home with me. Maybe that is what they need, to see it first hand. Reading books helps some people but others just can't seem to apply it to their lives. The emotion takes over and they can't think in the situation. We need a Super Nanny to call for kids with RAD to help these poor families stay together, to help the parents keep their sanity, and help Mothers learn to handle the behavior and love the child regardless. These families need practical techniques, see them in action, have someone to vent to in the moment, and learn to shut off the personalization of their child's behavior. Normal parenting doesn't work, AT's tell you what to do but they don't come home with you and show you how to do it. I had the luxury of having this type of situation early on, I have come to the conclusion, every family raising traumatized children needs this particular type of parenting class. I am beginning to think I need to figure out a way to do this for people. I have no idea how or when but I really think there is a need. Any thoughts?

Friday, April 18, 2008

I am having a tough time right now and we have been asked to make a difficult decision regarding Cyr. I need a few days to absorb our situation before I blog about it.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Our First Day

Patches did very well today, no real meltdowns. She began to get frustrated with her online testing b/c they do it by age and do not consider the child may be 3 grade levels behind. She couldn't even read the the sentences for the Reading one. I called to be sure they would place her properly and they insist they will be able to tell and that my input would be a big part of her placement.

Today we learned about Egypt. We watched a program I recorded a week ago and I stopped it at every commercial to be sure she was understanding. Of course, she wasn't so we discussed everything that happened. She really does struggle to understand what she hears or reads. The good thing is she loved learning about it and the snuggle time we fit in was a real hit. Makes me want to consider keeping Cyr home, too. LOL She giggled when I requested in an old snooty lady voice that she call me Mrs. D during the day.

The other kids were very concerned about how she spent her day. Did she read? What did she have for lunch? When did she get done? What time did she get up? And on and on and on.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


All of the kids started out in the tent last night, most stayed there. No sooner did I reach our back door when the phone began to ring. Patches was sobbing , she was too scared to stay in the tent located 25 feet from our home directly under our very bright light. After speaking to me she was convinced to stay a bit longer but couldn't do it all night.

I am so proud of the rest that did. It was freezing outside and I was thankful I forced them into multiple layers and extra blankets. They basically ate a bunch of snacks and fell asleep. Everyone else came running back in at dawn to warm up. I can't wait to take them camping for real so I can tell them scary stories and freak them all out.

I am ready for them to return to school in the morning. I have enjoyed having them home but am anxious to get started on Patches schoolwork. She will begin learning about Ancient Egypt and The Universe. She received a cool telescope for Christmas that she has just earned back and we both really love that kind of stuff so we will be having fun.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Emma's Family

I have known Emma's Mother, Nikki, since she was 12 yrs old. She became pregnant in her teens and parented her first daughter. She was encouraged to place her second daughter with her Aunt and since she was using Meth at the time, she went along. She immediately became pregnant again and was living with a toddler, her Mother, Mother's boyfriend, brother, brother's girlfriend, and Gma in a 2 bedroom trailer, everyone was a drug user. She kept Emma for a couple of weeks and the Aunt convinced her to leave the baby with her, she was hoping to persuade her to place the baby as well. Emma screamed for hours at a time and the Aunt couldn't handle it. She called Nikki and Nikki called me to ask if I would go get her for the weekend. I was thrilled to do so. We agreed she would meet me on Monday and she didn't call me back until Tuesday in the middle of the night. She had decided to leave the baby with us.

A short time later Nikki was kicked out of her Mother's house and called me crying. I drove several hours to get her and she moved in with us. I was terrified she would want the baby back and decided to try to help her parent. She lived with us for a few months and we helped her get an apartment and get out on her own.

The first year was tough on all of us. I insisted on an open adoption and she wasn't so sure. She told lies to her family telling them I stole the baby. She made threats to her friends that she was going to try to kidnap the baby. She eventually signed herself into a treatment facility and got back on track. She has slipped off the wagon a few times but we made an agreement early on, I would love her regardless of her drug use and issues and she was always free to see her child sober. She does not call if she is using and is honest with me about her drug use. I know I can completely trust her to be honest about it, she has tested it a few times but has been clean for a while now.

She has parented her oldest and youngest daughters for the most part. Her Mother has had legal guardianship for years but Nikki has them most of the time b/c her Mother struggles with drug issues. She, too, has been clean for a while and both have left their nasty boyfriends. Both women live together and are raising the girls. Over all they are doing well.

Emma was a difficult infant. She had colic and Salmonella when we got her. There is no way Nikki could have raised her those first few months, she was a very sick baby that never slept. She wishes she would have placed her youngest with us, to. She was born 364 days after Emma was born and DFCS stepped in within a couple of weeks.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Emma's Visit with Her Mother

She is still gone and I miss her so much. My heart aches when any of my children are gone but this has been a very long visit. She left on Tuesday and won't be back until Saturday.

She is being spoiled rotten. They have been to The Cabbage Patch, on a picnic, to the lake, and to the playground every day. She is going to be tough to deal with for awhile. after her return. I can't wait to hear her whine about our rules, that is how much I miss her.

When I went to fill new prescriptions for the kids the pharmacist made a comment about how wonderfully behaved my children were after waiting for over an hour. She went on to say she was surprised they were the same kids I was filling the meds for and she never would have suspected they had the kinds of issues they must have to need drugs this strong. I thanked her for the round about way she complimented the kids and told her the only reason they seemed to not need the drugs is b/c they take those drugs every day. She laughed and said she never thought of that.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Busy Day

We left home at 9 AM and returned at 6PM. It was a tough day for everyone involved and I am glad it is over. This visit to the Psychiatrist was the initial visit to her and took a lot longer than I had hoped. We doubled Patches and Michael's meds and added Risperdal to Ava. I am happy with her decisions. Patches and Michael showed their butts in the waiting room and in her office so she got to see a minor version of their behaviors. Patches was in shut down mode and refused to look at her or speak, when I tried to touch her arm she flinched and hollered. Michael beat his head against the wall and kicked the floor the entire time only screaming out a few times but mocked me the entire visit with hand motions and nasty faces behind my back. She loved the way I dealt with the kids and told them how lucky they were. HAHAHAHAHA, if she only knew I really wanted to beat their cute little rears at times like this.

This is the 2nd morning in a row I have gotten up with a migraine. I took something and needed to lay back down for a bit with a warm rag. The kids had a better idea and got up, I told them to go watch cartoons for a bit thinking Cyr was still in bed. SHe has hit that lovely age when she can sleep through a tornado, not today though. SHe had somehow gotten past me. Michael and the twins asked to get dressed and I agreed. The part that made me shoot outta bed and run downstairs was when the front door slammed. They decided if they were dressed they could go outside. Not here. I have to supervise b/c they still do not help each other out like they should. They do not feel pain and tend to not ask for help when they really need it but cry like they are dying over a paper cut. It is very strange but the others do not respond appropriately either. It is getting better but an adult must be "around" when they are playing outside, just in case.

Ruthie is really struggling with emotions lately. I think the move is to blame but she is blaming us again for her removal from her parents care and them for any poor choice she makes. No, it doesn't make sense and I am not sure exactly how to help her understand that. We have a rule that applies to any disagreement, you can only be mad at someone here for what they have done that day. You can't blame them for others doings or things they did a long time ago. My kids have a very difficult time staying in the present when they get upset. We are trying to drive this concept home for her but she isn't getting it. Last night she asked to go to bed early and then proceeded to trashing her room and screaming at the kids when they went to bed 15 minutes later. It took her over an hour to get her to stop sobbing. She has no idea what started it but of course she hated us all for making her live here.

Emma is spending 2 nights with her sister, Mother, and Nana. I am so happy for her, she is having a blast. We all miss her here, even the kids commented on her absence.

I think I have discovered Cyr's new plan. She is grooming Emma. I began to notice her spending a bit more time with Emma and then with her sister when she came. I have seen Cyr slowly break or bend rules we have in place just for her and other children. She can not sit touching anyone, can not hold anyone, carry anyone, have anyone on her lap, etc. She is doing all these things like they are accidents. We have 2 kids we trust are strong enough to stand up to Cyr, Patches and Emma. Both have no problem with inappropriate touch or telling her what to do. We never allow them alone with her but they are in charge of her and other children, kind of like a monitor if I use the restroom or am in the next room. If I can not personally view the play, they are to step in and do a very good job of it. What I am seeing now is Cyr is barely breaking a rule and doing it over and over until it is acceptable and then breaking it a bit more. She asked if Emma and her sister could sleep in sleeping bags on her bedroom floor the other night. I laughed and told her, "Nice try". We will have a nice long chat with Emma and Patches when she returns, Cyr will no longer have the privilege of being around multiple any children w/o direct adult supervision. I trust her even less now and that makes me so sad. I am glad to have caught this behavior before it escalated into abuse. I am glad I recognize it for what it is b/c you want so badly to believe they are capable of remorse and healing, she is not. I want her to "out grow" this but I know she won't stop until she starts to make progress in therapy. She has made no effort there at all.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Spring Break is here

My house is SPOTLESS! The only thing I need to do is the playroom and while it is picked up it is not organized like I would like. Maybe Wednesday I will get to it.

Today is a lazy day, tomorrow we have 5 Psychiatrist appointments.

Kids are behaving beautifully and are quiet. I have managed to ignore any beginnings of trouble and it seems to be working.

Our check came a week early this month. I have never had money show up early before, I hope they have rescheduled the day they cut the checks and it is this way from now on. Probably too good to be true.

I spoke at length with the Detective and she is very hopeful this will be resolved in the next month. She has spoken to the paternal side and only has one more person to find there. They had lots of interesting info about the parents and they are looking into more abuse charges of extended family. She is fairly confident they will be removing 2 little girls from their Great Gma soon for the same reason they are investigating the parents. She is a seasoned detective and has been very surprised by this family history of incest/abuse. It is much more than we all thought. DFCS is hiding the files from her and they are now getting a supenea to get the files. We are anxiously awaiting the DNA results and she is questioning the paternity of our oldest now based on something the Mother said. She will be starting in on the maternal side next week and hopes to open a can of worms on them.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Revisiting Homeschooling

I left the AT's office today feeling like I had been an interruption in his busy day. We spent 3 hours for Patches and Cyr and then only an hour with our male AT for the other 4. He has never been so quick to get us out of there. We got no where and discussed only superficial things. I guess every one has a bad day once in a while.

The AT is very worried about Patches and her acting out at school. She and I agree she is under so much pressure and it is really taking a toll quickly. Her self esteem is shot, she is mean and aggressive to her peers and the bus driver, she is not doing her classwork, and she is hurting herself again. The AT really wants me to get her out of school for the rest of the year and home school her the rest of this one and next. She feels she needs it to adjust and make progress she can maintain. The only place I know of that does a home/virtual school is no longer accepting applications for this year. Any suggestions?

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Not Much

So far I haven't heard from the detective, the aunt called back and had run into the parents at Walmart. They claimed to have been questioned and walked out in the middle of it. Both refused to give up the other. The Mother claimed she will not go to jail, she will run. The Father didn't say much other than he didn't do anything. That's all I know, not enough to feel relief and too much to relax.

Spring Break starts today for my kids. I have 3 nieces and Em's sister coming for most of the week. The house will be full of kids.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Brought in for Questioning

I got a call shortly after talking to a fellow blogger and was told my kids' parents had just been picked up. The parents were told it was about the kids and their allegations of sexual about the former BF of a family member. I am sure it was but the detective told me they would probably use this as a way to get them both in if they couldn't catch her alone. I am anxious to hear how it goes. Will she break down and tell the truth? Will he explode and threaten the officers? Will they get charged? A million different things could happen, they could get away with it being the worst.

I will update the minute I find out what has happened.....

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fools

So a few more fun things I have tortured the kids with in addition to washing the poor stinky dog.

Cyr received a Stinkiest Feet Award.

I have hidden hundreds of tiny fuzzy balls under their covers.

A sanitary napkin covered in "blood" placed by the toilet. (They didn't even notice b/c my nasty dd has done this before. Finally Ella saw it and told me so I picked it up and smelled it, told Cyr it was gross to leave it there, she denied it, and I licked the ketchup off it while she started heaving. LOL)

Pretended to run out of gas on the freeway.

Put mustaches on them with washable/edible markers.

Taped notes to their back that said, "Tell me you love me", "Tell me I am smart", and "I have boogers".

Tied the sprayer on the kitchen faucet and one by one requested they wash their hands after touching the dog. It nailed every child in the face and chest, only Michael walked away and didn't shut off the water.

Had my DH sign a fake permission slip for a field trip to outer space.

Convinced the kids they would be going to a camp this summer, chore camp. I even had the brochure that I found on the internet.
We are expecting blizzard like conditions here today and the snow may reach up to 4 feet. The kids were warned not to step outside b/c they may sink to the bottom and be lost until Summer. The Cat in The Hat crank called us last night around 11:30 PM and once I realized it was him, I invited him over today for a snack. Cyr was bitten by a bedbug last night on her elbow and was warned to watch it carefully all day for it to turn black. If it does she is to immediately report it to an adult so we can rush her in to the hospital. You know how they get infected so quickly and in rare cases the entire arm must be amputated to save the head from rotting off.

Every child believed me, they were so surprised when I had them lined up ready for the bus and announced "April Fools!". They had no idea what it was or when they had been tricked. I explained what it meant (just like last year, duh!) and asked them to tell me what I have said that sounded like a trick. Most couldn't think of any. Too bad I wasn't kidding when I told them they all have bloodwork at the AT's today. LOL

Fonzo the dog is home. He also brought a cold with him. He is so much calmer and well behaved. He is listening to the commands and following them. He has not jumped on a single kid or acted crazy at all. Yeah!!!!