Sunday, July 30, 2006

I think I have a grip on the lice issue. My sister canceled plans with us this weekend b/c she did not want us to share the love. I can't blame her, I would run too. She is about the only person willing to put up with all of us and she asked if we could make it a regular visit on Fridays. I am thrilled b/c I am starting to get a little bored with only kids to talk to. My sister, Kiki (a child hood nickname), is the kindest bravest person I know. She is truley the best friend I have ever had. Considering the fact that we are having kids sexually acting out she insists on bringing her kids to visit and get to know them. (Of course we watch like hawks and do not let them out of our sight!) She knows this behavior will eventually passs and she doesn't want to miss getting to know them, it means so much to me.

My son actually admitted that he hurt his sister twice this week. It is funny how I have begun to measure tiny steps as momentous. He is doing better in a couple of areas and I know he will take some steps back but the fact he made one forward gives me the strength to hang on and wait for the next one. He is so loving and sweet when he wants to be. His sleepwalking is driving me crazy. He came into my room last night and stood over my bed for a couple of minutes. I walked him back to bed and went downstairs and removed anything sharp from the kitchen, I know I am over reacting but it scared me. He can be so violent before he thinks who knows what could happen when he isn't in control.

I can't wait for school to start in 15 days!!!!!!!!!! I took them shoe shopping and got them all a new pair of tennis shoes. It cost a fortune! The older ones were so excited to have their first pair of designer shoes. They bought New Balance nad Nike and you would have thought they got a pair by Jimmy Choo. I could never afford those so thank goodness they are thrilled with these.

Friday, July 28, 2006

WE HAVE LICE!!!!!!!! My youngest has been scratching since we met her and I have looked several times and found nothing so I assumed she was sensitive to our shampoo and have changed it several times trying to find one htat she could tolerate. This morning I saw something in her hair when it was wet and we were outside. She has light hair and I guess it makes it harder to see the damn things. I have spent the entire day scrubbing heads, clothes, toys, sheets, comforters, and scrapping those fucking things out of her hair. I have 7 children I have had to do this to. I HATE LICE!!!!! I hope they die, I can't hardly stand it. I can't stop itching!!!! It is so gross! She had hundreds of live bugs in her hair and thousands of eggs.

I calle her old foster mom to warn her that she had them and to check her kids. She became extremely defensive and blamed me for them. I assumed they came from daycare b/c she told me they have had a really hard time with them. I never accused her of anything and was really offened by her response. This child has had them for some time and a lot longer than she has been here. I have no idea how the rest of us got away without them. We will probably break out soon, too. I have treated everything and and everyone and will again next week in hopes of avoiding a huge outbreak before school starts back. I am so thankful to have found it before school, can you imagine the first week of school being sent home for lice? We stand out enough on our own.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

My kids had a visit with their parents yesterday, all was fine until we tried to leave. My daughter kept telling me her tummy hurt and b/c she refuses to use the restroom anywhere but home I assumed that was the issue. I was wrong! She ended up vomitting in the dining room at Burger King. When we were in the van and gt goinh she had been told to puke in the BK bag her sister had. Well, she started to get sick and assumed my 8 yr old could read her mind and leaned over and puked on P's lap. Then P started getting sick and I had 7 children gagging in unison. It was so gross, it was all over the van and the floor and the children. I don't think the van will ever be the same.

I have had a hard time sleeping this week b/c my husband left town for the week on Monday. As soon as I fell asleep my oldest woke me up to tell me her nose was bleeding. This happened 3 more times and again today on our way to the therapist's office. I teased her that she really just did not want to go to therapy. Her eyes widened and she asked if this meant she didn't have to go in. LOL She was sooooo disappointed.

After therapy I took them to McDonalds to play and they were great. I am so tempted to try the movies tomorrow. The Wild is playing and they really want to see it. We are getting better in public and I don't want to waste the littel bit of summer we have. I don't mind having to stop and come home if needed and I always have other treats for the good ones. Maybe I am crazy or maybe I am wrong and should keep them home. I guess I am selfish, I want to see the movie and I am tired of staying in the house.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A miracle has happened, my son got really mad twice and did not hit, kick, or spit on me! I am so proud of him. I think he is sleep walking at night. He wakes up several times a night a to use the restroom or so I thought and I find him standing in the hall crying. Most nights I can take him back to his room quietly but a few times he just cries and won't answer me. Last night I rocked him back to sleep and he was so beautiful in my arms that i realized how much I am falling in love with him and his sisters. I can't believe how a mother can love and bond with a child that treats them the way they treat me. I was surprised and overwhelmed at the thought I am doing this. I long for them to heal and feel the same about me but I know there is a chance my feelings will not be returned. As I got them ready to go out this morning I realized some of them are starting to bond with me too. My children are resilent.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Lots of things are happening but I do not have the time or energy to write about them all. Kids are still here as an extended visit, DFCS can not work out their Level of Care so we are just long term babysitters. That sucks! We are really getting worried about money b/c they are so expensive. I have to buy school supplies, shoes, clothes, and haircuts before school and will not get reimbursed b/c they are not formally here. DFCS is not paying anyone for the kids and I am more than a little pissed off. Don't get me wrong, we are not doing this for the money but we can't do it without it. Our case has gone all the way up the food chain. I got an email from Governor Perdue letting us know everyone is involved and who he had assigned to keep an eye on this case. I just want to be sure this is going to be ok. I am happy with the basic rate even though they are not basic children.

My kids are a mess. I did get to sleep last Saturday night b/c my DH and MIL took the kids to a movie. They are all over the place. I can't shop with them b/c someone throws a fit. I am being hit, bit, spit on, pinched, screamed at, and basically abused by my beautiful children. My DH sees nothing, thank goodness he believes me. DD loves the kids, they are good to her for the most part and she loves having someone to play with. Let's face it if one is mean, she finds another. I am so proud of how great she is doing. With that said, my 6 and 7 yr old have taught her to french kis the dolls. She thought they were licking them, EEWWWW!

I am having a little trouble with the oldest, she refuses to give up her mother role and it seems to be getting worse. She is very sweet most of the time but will sulk when I have to correct her. The one they said was the most difficult has turned out to be the easiest to deal with. Her tantrums are loud and obnoxious but better that than being hit or kicked like with the younger ones. Let it out, girl, just not on me. Down from there the 6 and 7 yr olds are the hardest for the reasons I mentioned. I can handle their incestuous relationship and do not let them out of my sight but quit spitting in my fucking face! The twins are easy. They are bonding with us and rarely have a serious issue. One of them is delayed and doesn't understand most of what's going on so that can cause a moment of distress for her. She is easily turned around.

My house is a mess. Chores are difficult. I have to walk each one throuh them. It sucks. It would be easier doing them alone. DFCS will not help with daycare, I really never thought they would but it was a good try. I can't hire anyone b/c I can't afford it. School is my saving grace. Only a few weeks left. Thank God!!!! I am trying to register them now but still have not gotten all the paperwork from DFCS. Imagine that. The twins start PreK this year and have their Orientation next Saturday. They are so excited. My DD starts Kindergarten this year, I may cry she is so big and time has flown by. The others are concerned about riding the bus, they do not want to. I may try to take them since it is at the front of our neighborhood and I have to drive the twins anyway. We'll see.

Monday, July 10, 2006

My first conversation with the director of my agency and she was so very nice about it but why did it have to be about this? My 7 yr old and one of the twins were talking to me about what they wanted to wear to the dentist today and helped pick outfits for the little ones and I found an outfit for the 7 yr old in their room. I waited for her to dress and went to give the other 2 girls their clothes. Came back in and the 7 yr old says, "I was taking her picture". The 4 yr old had no clothes on and was on the bed. I was surprised to say the least but was full blown shocked when I saw the pictures. She had her positioned in 4 very disturbing pictures on her sister's camera phone. It seemed to me she could not have thought these poses up herself. Who knows. She was surprised I was surprised. I did not over react and told her that was unsafe. It was hard to keep her tuned in to me b/c she shuts down so fast but we did talk a little. She knows now that we do not touch other people's privates, look at other people's privates, show ours, and we do NOT photograph ours or others private areas. I had not thought to add that before, obviously my mistake. What else have I forgotten? I am confident they will help us out with that in the very near future with things like strangers, hanging from the roof (our son's thoughts, WOW), throwing rocks, when we should tell mom and dad stuff and what stuff is the right stuff. I had them tell me their thoughts and ideas around this. I think we are on the same page for now, I am sure they will come up with another situation we had not prepared for. They are so clever and creative. I did delete the pictures immediately for fear they would be seen. AAAHHH!!!

We woke to our 8 yr old's horrible mood, she picked a fight with anyone that would let her. Something my 5 yr old said set her off and what a roller coaster ride we had for about an hour. The 5, 4, and 6 yr olds were talking when they moved back with their mom and dad. My 5 yr old repeated what has been said a million times by everyone in the house, "if you can't go home you will all live together here with us". The 8 yr old screamed and sucked the 6 yr old in and they went after my 5 yr old. It happened within seconds and I heard it start to escalate and ran in there to see my 6 yr old shove my 5 yr old and the 8 yr old freaking out. She withdrew when I attempted to discuss and gave her the option of talking now or later. She chose later and went downstairs only to harass hte others. I called her out and she actually explained she was angry and had no idea why and 5 yr old made her mad so she went after the other girls. WOW, go girl. She was praised for verbalizing it and told she had to chose a good deed for each of the people she went after. She bawled in my lap for about 45 minutes and calmed to do her good deeds. She realized it was out of her hands about going home and it is a possibility she may not. She asked me about 10 times today if she could live here if she can't go home and if I would make her leave if she was mean to me. I reassured her she was welcome and she seemed to need me more today in a positive way. Progress? Probably not but she releases her emotions freely here.

On a MUCH better note. All of the children have seen a dentist. The younger three are fine and go back in 6 months. The older three have an appointment again tomorrow for fillings and sealants. My 10 yr old is having 4 baby teeth pulled b/c they are very loose and the other tooth has come in under it. She has been complaining about them and has not been able to eat much without pain for a couple of days. We did have some anxiety show it's evil head but the folks at the office were great and gave us a separate area to wait until they could go back out and play video games and watch Monsters, Inc. They all did as they were told by the staff. We went to lunch after the appropriate length of time and then to the park. Since we have been back, several moments of varying levels of tantrums, so they are back to normal. I was beginning to feel like I was in control of our day, thank goodness they could tell I needed some cuddle time and obliged.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

So my kids are rearranging the rocks in our yard, why you ask, who the heck knows but it is something they love to do. So they are being very good and I actually sat down to rest a moment before making dinner when a child screams. I jumped up and my son is on the ground and the girls are around him. The guilt set in, I should have been out there, I should be everywhere at once, how dare I rest, you know the usual. I knew whatever happened was an accident b/c the new camera was on them and I never heard a single negative thing, they had been laughing. Back to the issue, my 8 yr old decided the rocks were getting heavy and thought it was a good idea to throw one. My son stood up at the right moment and BAM in the head.

I took a look at his head once the bleeding slowed and I knew we had a trip to make. He was so great, he did everything they said, of course never complained, and laid very still for them. I asked him later if they asked him in a special way that made him comply, he just smiled. He was very high and quite the character. He charmed all the nurses and the doctor was very impressed how he handled pain. (He can be so cute, it is so sad.) He ended up with 6 staples and 2 popsicles.

His sister had to be there to hold his other hand and to learn what she needs to do to care for him while he heals. Not sure that was such a great idea now that she was a little too interested in the process and has decided to be a doctor so she can staple other people. (Yes, I have removed all staplers from the house and explained many times the doctor has had LOTS of school to do it. I am a little nervous, I must admit.) She does seem to be concerned about him and his injury, maybe a little guilt? Probably not but a mother can dream, can't she?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I worked so hard to develop a relationship with both sets of foster parents only to have one of them shit on me. They complained about the way I am parenting, I am in it for the money, and I treat them like a baby and feed them bottles. I can not express my hurt and anger. I hav ebeen informed to stop all holding and bottles. I am furious, have I mentioned that? I had a had time being nice, I wanted to say something so bad.

Anyway the kids are home for good. It is an extended visit, so no per diem until they work it out. Guess I am all about the money. All I wanted was my kids, now I have them and we are starting attachment therapy this Friday. My kids have their first dental appointments, ever, on Monday. They are home!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Took the kids back and I am exhausted. They had big plans for the holiday and I feel it is important for them to be involved. My son was up evey 1/2 hour or so vommitting. Of course he was fine this morning and I can't function. Four hours in the car did not help.

We had the usual tantrums but over all a great weekend. We actually took them to see Ice Age 2 and they sat through it, My MIL, her sister and her daughter, my husband, and I took all 7 so we had plenty of back up.

The cameras showed up today and were installed to the play areas. I am not so sure I am thrilled with them but I need to experiment withthem later to work out the kinks.

I would love to discuss the search for a PT nanny and attachment therapist consultaion tomorrow. Right now I am going to bed.