Sunday, January 31, 2010


They haven't been at the top of my list for along time. We just had too much to look at first and it seemed like a battle that just needed to wait. Most of the girls picked up right away with very little prompting how to hold a fork, what size their bites should be, and what the napkin was for. My son seemed to have most of these down but slipped a bit more. They all still try to talk with food in their mouths but overall things were under control.

We have been working on ordering drinks and paying for themselves at the register. How to figure out if they have enough money. They are learning to cut their own food and then I noticed my son. He is so nasty at the table lately. Huge food globs falling out of his mouth, dripping sauce and drink all over himself, grabbing things with his hands and shoving it in his mouth, and leaning so far over the table that I saw him lick his plate last night. I almost fainted. What the heck is going on with him? He had shoved his fork into his fist and was shoveling food in when I asked him to stop and think about what he was doing. It was almost like he had glazed over and was on auto pilot. He barely slowed down.

I looked over and realized both Ruthie and Patches were doing similar things. Ruthie was correctable but Patches was lost when I asked her to sit up and slow down. Those three are usually covered in food after each meal and can be compared to Kiera, at times. At least the girls were holding the fork right and knew where their napkin was even though neither made any attempt to use it. We will be having a major manners course around here.

It made me wonder if this is another sign we need to monitor for both Patches and Michael. They are both struggling with their hygiene right now, too. We know that is a sign they will lose their grip very soon and their meds need to be adjusted to prevent any major incidents.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Bit About Each of Them

I haven't been blogging much lately but things are good. Of course, it is always changing. The house still seems quiet and any issues seem to resolve quickly. The stress level is so low it is surprising.

Cyr is pushing her limits when out of our sight and we have decided to keep her close to home for a while. She has struggled to be honest with this latest incident and that worries me. Mostly, it's teenager crap just coming at us a bit younger than most kids start into it. She is still a great kid and easy to be around.

We are seeing a slow change in Patches. Her hygiene is in question and she is having small shutdowns here and longer ones at school. She is still recovering very quickly when she decides to be done. No violence here but some destruction at school. I love seeing her smile at me every day and she will even call my name to show me her random smile.

Ruthie is desperately trying to cling to reality when she is upset. She completely dissociates when she is triggered and can be dangerous to herself and others. She has mistaken kindness from a boy in her grade as love. She sent him a love note and has been having other girls tell him she loves him. She is struggling with the same friend she made up horrible lies about last year. The girl doesn't want to talk to her and we are working on ways to help her handle it so she doesn't hurt her again. I am hoping to avoid involving the school but if she continues to get upset, I will have no choice for the other child's sake.

Michael is lying and sneaking to get out of homework. Nothing new there. He is calm lately and that is new. He gets mad but it's not exploding mad. He still claims I hate him if I correct him, he is sure we are all plotting against him, and he is sure he is the only one that is required to help out around the house. He is such a snuggle bunny when he is not agitated and it almost makes me forget what he is capable of.

Emma is doing well. She loves her new bed. She is very concerned about her teacher leaving on maternity leave soon. She is getting her ears pierced today or I should say we are going to try again to get them pierced. She gets pumped all the way there and freaks out. We are all going for support this time.

Ava spent the night out recently and did very well. Of course, now it should happen every weekend. She is one of my kids that has a ton of somatic symptoms and I was slow to move when she claims her tumnmy was hurting. Turned out she had a bladder infection that moved to her kidney. Whoops! She is finally feeling better but telling me every detail when she goes to the restroom. She cracks me up.

Ella is still whispering when she wants something but working on using her voice to stop being a victim. She loves her new chore and keeps asking when she will have more clothes to help with.

Kiera is starting to let me leave the room without yelling. I can even leave her for therapy to play with the kids and she does really well. This is happening during the day but nights are getting worse. Screaming, hitting, and refusing to sleep is what she's up to. She is sleeping less during the daytime and has the run of the house so I'm confused and hoping it passes quickly. She is cute as a bug and chattering away constantly. She cracks me up.

My DH is expecting many litters of scaly babies. I'm not sure how long it will be but my fingers are crossed they are all born alive and well. We are using the funds from it to buy a house near my sister. I am so excited about seeing her regularly and having support close by.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Kids are still hanging in there. It is so quiet around here lately. Kids are processing their emotions very well. They seem to have a firm grip on reality and understand on their own what is going on.

I was surprised by one of the suggestions of our therapists and have decided to hold off, I'm sure she will just disappear again without causing any more trouble. She has too much to lose if she starts spreading any more lies. She confided too much to me that would damage many around her and her future. I just want the drama gone and she seems perfectly willing to go.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Larger Than Life

My Mom just called and told me her Mother is gravely ill. She is in her late 90s, 96 this year. She has spent the last several years in a nursing home across the country, alone. Her children have asked that they do not got to extreme measures to save her, just make her comfortable. They don't know how long she has but it is clear, she is at the end.

I am so glad my Mom will never die and I will never have to go through what she is, she is indestructible. My Mom will never have to live in a nursing home alone, I will drug her and drag her home with me. I will feed her fattening foods and force her to watch my stories with me every day. Of course, she will wish for death after looking at a life like that but she will never be alone.

My Grandma was a strange bird. She seemed to have these 2 lists, a good one and a bad one. You were guaranteed to be on one. Some of us stayed on one of them our entire lives, never knowing how or why we were there. Others could be switched back and forth with every interaction. She married twice. Her first husband was killed in a car accident when she was pregnant with their first child. Years later, she married my Grandfather, a man I never knew, a man my own Mother lived with and never really knew. She was the step mother to his children and always treated them as just that, step children. They later had 5 children together. She never gave me the impression that love had anything to do with their marriage. She seemed to be bitter about how it turned out and blamed his drinking and late his sobriety for her unhappiness when we talked about their life together.

I always asked lots of questions about her life, it was so interesting. Before she retired and traveled the world, she bought a muscle car. She was so proud of her Road Runner. She spent a lot of time running around South America with the love of her life. He was with the CIA and later married someone else. They always loved each other and still visited as often as they could. I would listen for hours about her life.

Her Mother had died when she was young and she was sent to live with her Grandparents. She was abruptly moved after several years when her Father remarried. She was never loved or accepted by her new severely mentally ill step Mother. She slept on the sofa and never felt welcome in her own home. She was always dressed to perfection with the prettiest dresses and bows. Other children made fun of her for it and it made her feel like an outcast because their families could never afford anything like she wore. I learned so much from how she was raised and how it made her feel. This wasn't her intention but much of the way I treat all the children that I have cared for is because of how she told her story to me. She was bigger than life to me and it broke my heart for her that her mother treated her that way, that she was moved with no consideration for her needs. It damaged her. She wasn't able to facilitate relationships within her own household as an adult. She seemed cold and uncaring at times to her children. She didn't know how to love them or to make them feel loved.

I was on her good list, I was one of the lucky ones. She loved me. I could do no wrong. I loved many of the people on her bad list, my sisters and my cousin among them. The sad thing is that it is the same cousin that she is stuck with now. Now a grown woman with children of her own, she is one of the only relatives near her. She is still mean to this woman, for no reason. My cousin's story of my Grandmother would be very different than mine. She has lived very close to her her entire life. Never treated like anything more than a nuisance. She was compared to me more times than she could count. We were close but it divided us many times as young children. She never understood why I was loved and she wasn't. I watched her struggle to win her love, always failing.

This woman helped make me who I am. She was the first person I told that I had been sexually abused. She let me drive in her lap at 9. She bought me anything I fancied and let me have 2 candy bars before dinner. She served me lime Jello with vegetables in it, calling it salad. I always ate it with a smile even though it was and still is the grossest thing I have ever placed in my mouth. She gave me my love for ice cream and would indulge our need for it any time day or night. She let me cut her hair when I was 12 because I told her I could. She made me feel beautiful and smart. She forgave me for everything I have ever done without question. She had "Kleenex Bunnies" under her bed and would pay me to "catch" them. I legally changed my middle name to Cyr, her maiden name, when I was 18. Two of my daughters took parts of her name when they were adopted, Cyr and Ella took her middle name, Mae. To me, she was the best Grandma in the world. I can only hope I have that kind of impact on another human being in my lifetime.

Kids Are Good

Actually, the kids are great! When someone isn't constantly setting you off, you don't have as many blow ups. They are sad but relieved they are gone.

I got a call from the school yesterday asking if I still had custody of the kids. Wierd, huh? Rosa removed her children from school yesterday morning so I wonder if it is just a coincidence. Probably not. Monday afternoon she called the police on me claiming I threatened to throw her stuff outside and had assaulted her leg. Way off from the truth. I offered to put her stuff on the carport so we didn't have to interact all day. She refused to speak to me and kept acting like I was about to hurt her kids in front of the kids. I shut of the vacuum and pulled the cord to remove it from the room. I asked her to move her foot several time and she insisted on calling the kids to look at how I was hurting her. Later, they talked about how she acted like they do and wanted to know why since she was an adult.

I was very angry at how she was blaming me for all her problems and wasn't nice. SHe blamed my kids for her child's outbursts, claimed I forced her children to take drugs, somehow she has made it in her mind that I made up all their issues, and I threw her out. Her view of what happened is very distorted and sad. It shows how little she cared about me. I will be fine but our relationship will never recover. She said some things to one of the kids that was inappropriate and many do not want to see her again. We all will miss the kids. You know, the ones she claims I have mistreated and abused. I'm glad it's over, my house is calm and whine free. My MIL couldn't believe the difference in the kids. I will never allow another person to stay with us, ever. I'm cured of helping grown kids.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm Done, Stick a Fork in Me

She claims I am delusional and make up all the issues her kids have. It's extremely sad that she wants to blame me. It's even sadder that I don't care what she thinks. I know her children were struggling before they came. They struggled while they were here. They improved on many things and I hope they continue to improve. I am sure it was difficult for them being in our home with so many kids but that is not the reason they have a hard time and she knows it. She is now blaming my kids for their behavior. She crossed a line when she began blaming them. They did not attack her children, it was the other way around. Mine have held their tongues and cried many tears about how mean she was to them and about all the things she has stolen from them. We have spent way too much time in therapy trying to help my kids cope with her and her children. I wish her well and goodbye.

Adult Supervision or Not?

If you had many children, some prone to violence, all living together. The ones prone to violence are predictable, they get mad at another child and run to their room to destroy it and later attack their Mom violently and threaten to kill her, if it gets too much to handle all by themselves. You have another child that provokes all the other children because this child is extremely angry at her father and lack of control over her life. This child, every time unsupervised, will do something to another child like stand in front of them and refuse to move so they can see the TV, take their leg braces and refuse to give them back, kick over large dollhouses that younger children are playing behind, or just copy every word they say, including the 2 year old. When the other child gets upset and tells her to stop, she screams as loud as she can IN THEIR FACE to leave her alone. If you know this happens over and over and have warned this child that doing this to certain children, prone to violence against their Mom, might react in a way that really hurts this child and she keeps doing it EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS, is keeping this child supervised by an adult too much to ask? Do you think all the mentally ill children should be in line of sight supervision while the other child is left unattended?

I feel this child is acting dangerous and is trying to get a reaction from the other children and her parents. I fear I won't be able to protect this child from one of my provoked mentally ill children that are known to have impulse control issues. I can just see her blocking the TV (AGAIN!) and my son begging her to move before he hits her with the game controller, knocking her eye out of the socket, and running to his room. She claims her child is not hitting them so it will be his fault if he hits her. Will that really matter if she is blind in one eye? Will it stop her from provoking children? This child does hit my children, almost every day she hurts them physically. She stomps on their feet, refuses to move so they can get out or enter a room (a whole other issue for a few of my children that have been locked in spaces for days) and will even lean into them so they can't pass and them screams they have hurt her when they push through shoving them, or even when she gets mad and out right hits them. Most of my kids aren't regular hitters anymore. My son may smack you once but he doesn't stick around, he runs to his room. I have been warned that if my children hurt her, even if she provokes them like she is known to do, I can be charged with Child Endangerment and my mentally ill child will be locked away in a hospital. All because I knew they were a possible danger to others. It is even possible for DFCS to remove custody of her child from her temporarily, if she fails to protect her from a known danger. To me it's like telling your child, "Don't get hit by a car." and then telling them they have to play in the street. She can not handle being alone with other children, it is a fact. She is not in therapy to deal with her emotions. We know she will do this again within minutes of being alone with one of my children. Scary enough to keep the provoking child with an adult? Seems like a simple answer to me.

Her mother, however, feels I am over reacting. Feels I always over react. Says I think every one has issues. Claims that I forced her child into a hospital 2 months ago and she didn't need it. (Child jumped out a 2 story window and hurt her back. She told her mother and I that when we went to sleep, she was leaving again and refused to stay in the house at 7 yrs old. She was asked repeatedly to commit to stay in the house before the therapist made the decision she had to go to the hospital or we would be endangering her life.) She also wants my children supervised at all times instead of her child because mine are sick and have to be held sometimes. (Hers does, too, but never mind that.) It doesn't matter that my children do not annoy every other child in the house, steal from them, and hurt them. She said her daughter is just a little girl and shouldn't have to watched like that. If any of her reasons were valid, I'd agree. They are not.

I am the first to tell you, some of my children have intense issues, this doesn't make them bad. It also doesn't reflect my parenting. I fear she worries that if she admits her daughter is acting dangerous and needs to be supervised (like I did while she was away for months and abruptly stopped when she took back over parenting her children daily) that says she is a bad mom. I don't think she is bad. I think she is clueless about the big picture. She parents in the right this very moment. She can't see what her actions are doing to them. She doesn't want to say no and I am confident that she didn't until she came here. She feels that because I make my kids do things for themselves, I am lazy. I think it teaches them to do for themselves. She irons their clothes and lets them sleep in her bed (forcing her to sleep on the floor or on the sofa because there isn't room for her) instead of telling them to sleep in their bed and making them mad. She thinks this makes her a good mom because they aren't tantruming that moment and they look nice. Her parenting style is superficial. If they look good, she is a good parent. Don't look inside the house because they are peeing on everything at 4 and almost 7, refusing to eat any fruits or vegetables, having fits in the morning, crying when a drop of water spills on them (literally), and watching TV for hours on end but only when she is around. When she isn't here, they eat what I ask without a fuss, keep dry most of the time, and pretend play most of the day. Her FIL even said the kids are great for him. It is her. I know this would be hard to accept if it was me. Before she came her, her kids were impossible to bring to a public place, she couldn't get them up and ready for school, she couldn't get them to use the restroom without her direct supervision, and they were out of control. It is because of our structure and pressure that they changed. She thinks it is her.

I had to put my foot down, her child has to be around an adult (myself, my DH, or her) during waking hours until she is in therapy and can express her emotions without torturing my children or she needs to find another place to live. I do not think I am being too tough. I have done a lot for her in the 16 months and in the many years I have known her. I have to put the safety of ALL the children ahead of her feelings. I love her and her children. I do not think this is too much to ask since I was doing the same thing for quite some time with little effort. The child was much happier and was able to play with other children without getting in trouble. I feel it is the only option. She felt I was singling out her child and took all 3 and left, never said a word. She called her FIL and he called us. Based on her past choices, I assume she will leave and not call us for many years. It will hurt terribly but it is her choice. I am happy to continue to watch her children for free so she can work. I don't care if she speaks to me or not. I do not wish her harm, I love her, she is my child.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Patterns of Behavior

Michael is in a funk lately. He blames me for all his problems, of course. He wants a new family. He wants to only do his homework with his teachers. I'm mean because I ask him to shower or brush his teeth. While he was in a huge tantrum last night, Ruthie began to scratch her skin off her ankle. She dug in over and over until he was done. I had hoped we had passed by most of these self mutilation issues but it looks like they just change their presentation. I am relieved she is no longer choking herself and pulling out her hair but cutting herself with her nail isn't what I had in mind for a good time. The sad thing is this isn't for attention, she doesn't want to do it, and she very upset afterward. She is so traumatized by him that she can't calm herself. She said she worries I will beat him. I will admit, I have fantasized about a good butt spanking but I do not do it. I have never attacked him. I am always the person injured, if there is one. She has been here much longer than she ever lived with her parents. You would think that the longer they are here, the more stable they become. The safer they feel. This isn't happening with her. We have waves of pure craziness. Sometimes months she is out of control and then she is back to sweet, loving self. Michael and Patches, too. I'm starting to see some patterns emerge.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

What Kind of Mom Are You?

I know a mother that runs to her children's rescue to the point it is unhealthy. You may know the type as a Helicopter Mom from Love and Logic. She has younger grade school children, intelligent and fully capable of doing a few things for themselves. She insists on "saving" them constantly. They will whine or cry to get her to run to fix things for them. Anything from a spilling a drop of water to sitting through every step of their homework instead of having them ask for assistance when they need it.

Most of you agree, our job as a parent is to teach our children to be independent. Teach them how to do for themselves but help if THEY need it. Some parents get confused and keep their children dependent on them by doing everything for them. They need to be needed by their children. They can't let their children make a mistake or screw anything up. Perhaps they worry this will make people think they are a poor parent. I know this person thinks it is what makes her a good one. I see her cringe when I don't follow my children around and fix all they do.

I let my children feel the consequences of their actions or lack of. I am always available to help but I rarely step in unless they ask for it. So what if they lose 5 minutes of their recess for not bringing their homework back. If they whine, it's an automatic "No". They may refuse to wear a hat and gloves outside, they are chilly today but I bet they grab them tomorrow. I feel my children can wait at the bus stop, it is at my driveway, for 5-10 minutes without dying. This person puts them in her vehicle and waits with them. It seems like overkill. We live in the south, it's not like they are out in subzero temps. Only a handful of days a year it's below 40 and it's safe because it's in their yard.

Give me your thoughts on how you prepare your children for independence. What drives you crazy about other moms? Are you a fixer, too? How do you think this type of parent helps or hurts their children? How old is too old to sleep with you when it isn't because you believe in the benefits of co-sleeping, you just do it so you don't have to hear them whine? When should they try to pick out their own clothes (approved by Mom), brush their own hair (touched up by Mom), and get their own homework out (assisted by Mom, if needed)? What can your 7 and 8 year olds do for themselves? What should we expect from children that have lived with their parents all their lives?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Few Things Have Happened

One by one all the computers failed us this week. We had snow and the entire county shut down leaving all the kids home to drive me insane. Our propane ran out Friday night and I refuse to pay extra so we didn't have hot water or heat until Monday morning. Dado had to be put down and my DH is devastated.

The real kicker though, is that Kiera has become a violent biter. She is not mad when she does it. She is happy or excited and can't contain it so she attacks the nearest person. She had been hitting before she turned to into The Biting Beast. Yesterday, she was showering with Emma and took a chunk out of her tummy. It bled and the poor child screamed. She couldn't get her to let go and the whole area is black and blue, swollen, and scabbed up today. She can't even let her shirt touch her. This morning in a fit of excitement, she stabbed me in the head with a ballpoint pen. It scraped the skin and it hurts many hours later. She is so sweet after she attacks, she feels terrible. We get lots of kisses and sorrys but we are terrified of who may be next. It's hilarious, we all cringe when she giggles near us. You should see the room scatter.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

The Twins Are 8!

Yesterday we celebrated their birthday. They are so good about agreeing on dinner and dessert. This time we had Pizza Lasagna and Tres Leche. It was amazingly good. There was only a small damper on the celebration that was felt by all. One child decided to teach me a lesson and not join us for dinner or cake. It's been a while since that behavior has shown it's ugly head. The only person they are hurting is themselves.

The tension in the house is heavy. Many of the children including Rosa's have mentioned it. Alyssa refused to ask me to give her more food and instead went to the basement to get her mother to come up and give it to her. I asked why and she said her mother was mad at me so she thought she should be. I explained that her mother can be mad at me and I can be mad at her but that doesn't mean I'm mad at the kids. Apparantly, they were made to feel I was ignoring them because I am not interfering with her parenting. I'm not picking up the slack, not saying she is slack but I just parent any kid in the room and I'm backing off. She said she doesn't feel like a part of our family and I can't do anything more to make her feel like she is. I already take too much away from my other children to make her feel connected. I will no`longer do that. This relationship has to be 2 sided, I refuse to give and give and give to an adult that is stuck in a take everything you can childish mode.

I have been asked numerous times to consider how this was affecting my other children by family and professionals. It has been very dificult both financially and emotionally. I have felt an obligaiton to help her and would do it again. The therapists have suggested that we need a time frame. I had one in my mind, when she could do it on her own. Now that she is looking for apartments, I guess it will be before that. I wish her well but I assume she will be stubborn and cut us out of her life again. This is a constant risk when your children are attachment disordered. They can up and leave without a second glance back while you sit there with your heart in your hands. It was worth it this time. She accomplished a certificate from the police academy. It will give her a way to support herself and her children. That is all a parent can do.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Ella's Message

"You remember the teacher at school?"

"There are lots of teachers, Ella. Which one?"

"The one that you know. Here's your message to her. Hello"

I am taking a giant leap and waving back at you Sage Eyes. LOL

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Gimme a Freaking Break!

Apparently, I am not only horribly mean and have forced my child into slavery by insisting that she finish her chore nightly but I love some kids more than others. I expect this from a teenager but am incredibly disappointed in an older child that helped fester that insecurity. I am more than willing to admit that would be a difficult subject to begin with your mother but I am not your average mother. Each time ALL of my children have come to me with issues about me, I listen. It hurts my feelings but I do sincerely try to work on it. When you have 2 kids whispering back and forth about you instead of coming to you, how do you defend yourself?

I am equally mean to all of my children. I have always worried about treating them fairly. I mean come on, when one child screams at you, tells you you aren't good enough, physically attacks you, threatens to have you jailed, or abuses your other children, it is tough to look past those behaviors. I DO! I do it every day. Most of us would want the company of a child that loves you and is playful with you, one that you know you are safe with. It doesn't mean I love them more, longer maybe but not more. I love each of my children, not the same way but the same amount. I like them differently but that is due to the way I am treated by that child.

Part of the jealously was about Kiera. A baby. I spend too much time with her. I love her more. Bullshit. All except one of my children struggle with attaching, relationships, and overcoming severe trauma in their younger years. She is no different. We have a chance to make it better for her. She doesn't have to suffer as severely as they have. For this effort, I am being called to the table. WTF?

The other child is Emma. Emma is a fully attached, well adjusted child. She is the single laziest person on Earth. She is lazy with humor and has been since a young toddler. The worst thing she does is try to get out of her chore. No fits, stealing, excessive lying, sabotaging, or triangulating. I receive love from her. This makes her easier to be around, not love more. She gets her share of consequences but her infractions are minor. They could never compete with the crap the others pull. Never. So that means I treat her better and love her more? On Christmas Eve as we were putting out presents, I stopped to look at everything and realized that Emma had been shorted. Not just short a present but several. I was so worried that the others would feel like someone got too much, I shorted her. That happens a lot. I know she knows deep down that she is loved and adored, they still measure my actions daily to see if I really. She can handle a tiny let down but it becomes a huge thing for the others. She lost her us when they came. They absorb most of my attention. If any child in the house deserves more, it would be her. Yet she gets less and is treated like the enemy because she has the ability to love with her whole heart.

I can only do so much for one child to prove I am committed to her. I take care of her children, took in her entire family when we can barely make it ourselves, I put up with endless scream sessions and tantrums from her children, I have taken them to appointments and found a great therapist for them, I have helped her retrain her children and deal with their issues so she will be able to survive the rest of their childhood, I look past all the stupid things she has done in her past and recently without holding it against her, and I was her personal cheerleader when she didn't think she could finish school. I am exhausted from helping. It is never enough.

The funny thing is that I would do it all over again. I wouldn't stop helping one, adding additional security measures to keep another with us, or stop trying to find help with the right meds combo to help the others adjust. I love them all. They all have so much potential and without our family the ability to reach that potential fades away. I knew it would take a long time for them to feel like a part of something bigger than themselves. I had no idea there was a real possibility that it would never happen. I didn't know they could ignore so much on focus on tiny moments.

This year is going to be for me. I'm planning a cool trip to FL with some other moms in March. I don't care if we eat PB and Js all month, I'm going. I don't care who watches them and who ends up in the hospital, I'm not going to be drug back here until it's over. The best part is that I think my sister, Kiki, will be going with me. She is calming all on her own. She is a mini vacation in a phone call. She will make the trip for me.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Breaking the Cycle

One of my girls tried to play a tickling game with a younger sister. The younger one had another step in to stop the game because it is a huge NO-NO here. The child refused to stop "playing" and got rougher. The child that stepped in came running to get me. She just didn't think it was right.

I yelled up the stairs for the older child to help me in the kitchen. She refused. I knew immediately it hadn't been innocent. I skipped stairs to get to her. She was curled up under the desk in her room, crying. I spoke softly and assured her I wasn't mad. She wouldn't speak and I told her what I thought happened. I was sure she had started playing and began to have tingling feelings that got out of control. I explained I wasn't mad or disappointed with her. I was mad at someone else and we could talk about it later.

About 30 minutes later she joined me int he kitchen. She asked who I was mad at. I told her it was her parents. Without them, she could play and not worry about being aroused. It's not her fault. I also told her how great she handled it because other children, including her, have continued that behavior and touched another child inappropriately. I am proud that she thought twice. She should be, too. She will not be like her parents. She has already broken the cycle.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

For Anonymous

What kind of cheese is not your cheese?
Nacho Cheese

What month has 28 days?
All of them

What does a cat have that no other cat has?

What is the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows

What can honk without a horn?
A goose

What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
AN elephant shadow

I'm Being Held Hostage

One of my children has figured out how to stop me from having any fun. Let me clarify that my idea of fun is not nearly as entertaining as you might think. I'm talking about trips to the grocery store or pharmacy, mostly. Jealous? This child goes nuts when I leave. She waits until I'm good and gone and then loses her crap on the person in charge, usually Rosa. Yesterday while I was at Sam's, she got things moving with a few good old fashioned threats. "I'm gonna stab you, pull your hair, and break your glasses." She did 2 of the 3. Rosa ended up with a black eye and this child a bloody nose from hitting it on the TV stand when she was flipping out. Poor Rosa felt responsible for the blood loss even though it was clearly not her fault. My children are rarely upset or scared by tantrums but are terrified when they occur without my presence. It says nothing about the other adults actions or skills. They need me to feel safe.

The crazy things our kids shout out while raging are the usual stuff you hear. "I hate you" "You stole me from my real mom" "I only love my real mom" "You hate me" "you love everyone but me" etc. This child screams the same things at Rosa. Clearly Rosa had nothing to do with their adoption or removal from their parents. She has never met them. This child loses her crap, freaks out, and throws around some allegations. I'm wondering if this is her inability to get past her abandonment, her belief that the world is out to get her and that everyone worked hard to take her away from her parents, or what.

I was called to return before the shopping was complete. I had to wait for my DH to provide back up so I could get groceries. I'm sure you are thinking the easy fix to this is to send one of the other adults to shop for groceries. There are 2 main reasons that is not going to happen. First, they are not nearly as frugal as I am and spend more than I would. Our budget is tight and I can do it without a problem but add in a man and we starve. Second, it is my only form of a break. I NEED this outing.

Here is my dilemma. If I stay home, she wins and I lose. If I take her with me, she wins and I lose. When I leave her with another adult, they are attacked and injured and my other children are terrified. She is getting more and more out of control and is unable to be logical. She doesn't care about consequences. She lives in the right this very minute. I need suggestions. I'm so angry that I can't think clearly. At least with my son, he is so small that he can be contained. This child is bigger and does damage to herself, property, and others.

I want to mention that Patches had the prefect opportunity to pitch a big fit today about her new clothes. She was asked to put them all on hangers and pick up her room. She laid on the floor, weighed her options, and got up and put everything away! I made sure to point out how awesome she is.

I started watching The Soloist last night. I got too tired and fell asleep in the middle. That had nothing to do with how good the movie was. It was great. I was amazed at how much his speech reminded me of my 3. There were differences, he was highly intelligent and mine are not. He understood things they can't fathom so he tended to change subjects a little faster. My kids sound like that but they stammer on the same thing becoming lost in the topic. When they tell me a story about anything, they can't get it out. You have to commit to a long conversation for a tiny bit of information. They run around the words and get off on tangents. You have to bring them back to the original thought or topic several times. It is the thought disorder part of their illness. They can't follow along or lead you in a direct path. They have speech issues which add to the problem. It is exhausting for all involved.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

A Secret

I need to whisper this so the kids don't hear. They have been sleeping in lately. Sometimes they will sleep until 10 AM. Eddie and Ava had to be forced to get up at 11 AM yesterday. It is so nice. I'm sure it will never happen again because I told you.