Valentine's Day

We spent the entire day at my sister, Kiki's. We brought melt in your mouth Ribs, homemade Mac and Cheese, and The Best Baked Beans Ever to go with some wonderful Green Beans, Venison Burgers, and homemade Cookies. So the eaten was good. We were all stuffed when Kiki announced it was time to play.

Maybe I should back up a bit. For those of you that haven't read the entire blog or know us in person, we DeBruces play some mean Kickball. I'm sure you are sitting there thinking, we must be great. That's not what I meant. We are mean when we play or so a couple of my kids say. Patches and Ella may or may not be the 2. Actually, most of us love it and the other 2 or 3 need a few minutes of crying to warm up and then it's all grins from there.

We all got our full bellies on the field and we let Uncle Todd and my DH pick the teams. Being the thoughtless wieners they are, they made Ella and Ava last and then argued over which one they were going to force on the other. Honestly, they meant it to be funny but the 2 girls were horrified. (After a little private chat, Kiki and I will always be the last ones picked from here forward to avoid hurt feelings.) Once the sides were picked, my team was up first. Shoving Ella into the line she was terrified when she had to kick. I ran up to her and took her by the arms and drug her into the ball and off to the first base. A few kids came up and went so I ran with her to the bases one at a time, screaming words of encouragement every step of the damn way. When her and I finally got to home base (Really, I thought we should have been granted 2 points since I had to run, jump, and scream around every base), I had to do the same things with Patches. By the time it was my turn, I was breathing hard. We played for what seemed hours and the 2 kids ended up grinning from ear to ear most of the game. Patches even asked to pitch and did a fantastic job at it.

I think we ended at 30 something to 4. We had to stop and let the other kids kick a few times so they wouldn't have hurt feelings. Who won and lost was only important to the men. The rest of us just had a blast.

We managed slip in some 4 wheeler fun and roasted marshmallows on the bonfire. Not sure we could have handled any more fun but are willing to try in April when we do it all over again.

Kiera had a really good time playing with her sister and Mom. They spent most of the time inside because her sister couldn't wrap her tiny head around kickball. She is being raised as an only child and has 2 semi retired grandparents that play with her. In other words, every one in her life's world revolves around her. Not a bad thing but it made it hard for her to understand why all of us were not giving it to her constantly. She kicked the ball and then screamed because they caught it and didn't roll it to her again. It was too funny. We tried so hard to explain but in the end, they each got a baby and a stroller to push around. They bother went home with their clothes trashed. When they weren't busy with their babies, they were chasing chickens.

Poor Guy

Michael told me last night, after a huge blow out because I asked him to find his gloves for today, he feels like he is getting sicker. He isn't hallucinating but he thinks the girls are trying to get him in trouble and we are all against him. He said he can't help but get into fights with Patches over and over and he wants to die. He had been violent towards me before this conversation and had to be held.

I'm up early this morning making Baked Beans, Homemade Mac and Cheese, and wrapping up the Ribs I cooked last night to take to my sister's. We are going to pick up Kiera's sister and meet up with her Mom for the day. We have a day of kickball, bonfire, and roasted marshmellows on the agenda. I can't wait.

Georgia Blizzard 2010

Christmas 2009

Kiera's Family for Christmas

Pictures are Coming

I am kinda slow in the area of technology. I couldn't figure out how to get the pictures off my camera so now you will be seeing a parade of photos since the beginning of December.

Keeping It Together

Patches is losing her crap over everything. She had a huge meltdown in the van because her brother looked at her mean. She screamed and yelled about how much she hates him. I was driving and couldn't over so I tried get her attention focused on me until he could move away from her. Once she did that she pulled out her hair and hit her head against the window for some time. I always worry she will break the window and get really hurt. She destroyed one of her jackets with a pen and Cyr had to intervene for the first time in months. She finally stopped when we got home and I made her look me in the eyes. I told her this didn't have to ruin her day, she could move past this and to take her time before coming in. She managed to do just that. She had to be closely monitored the rest of the day and had several mini meltdowns but no one was hurt.

Today is another tough morning already. I had to give her additional meds to calm her and separate her from her brother. It is painfully obvious she is back to putting her focus on him and truly is slipping away from us. We have to have her meds adjusted quickly.

A Blizzard

We were supposed to get 1-2",per the local news station this morning. It began several hours ago and shows no signs of stopping. We have at least 3-4" in our yard. The kids are thrilled to death and ran out to play in it. I was being a bad mom and chatting on the phone with Jennie when they ran out. I went to take pictures and discovered 2 of my kids didn't have hats on, had Crocs on their feet, and their coats unzipped and were barely on. Good thing I looked when I did or they would have been popsicles before too long.

Kids are out of school until next Thursday. Wish me luck, people.

It's Gonna Snow!

Or at least that is what the weather folks are screaming. I have to grocery shop in the morning and I'm sure they will be out of milk and bread because every family has rushed there tonight in anticipation of being snowed in. I already have those items so I'm just grabbing stuff for our big Valentine's Day celebration with my sister, Kiki.

All of our family, Kiera's mother, boyfriend, sister, Gorges (my mom), and Kiki's 3 kids and husband will be hanging out up there for the day for a couple of reasons. We have agreed to supervise all of Kiera's Mom's visits with her daughters and Kiki and I promised to get together about every 6 weeks this year because so much time seems to slip by before we know it. We are all looking forward to it. Poor Kiki has the tiniest, cutest house ever and we will be quite overwhelming in it.

I'm cooking a couple of my favorites from Pioneer Woman. We will be bringing Spare Ribs, Mac and Chez, and Baked Beans. Kiki is doing the paper stuff and a veggie. Gorges is the best baker and we will be enjoying some of her cookies. Trust me, they are heavenly.

Finding Strength

Patches is supposed to be getting in the shower as I type. She refused for 2 days and it was getting very bad. She was one little grease ball. It's a good thing I love her b/c I would have run from someone else's kid.

I am talking her another psychiatrist today. I am nervous but will be better prepared to stand up for myself and my kids. I have some new found strength from a group I belong to of parents with children inflicted with Schizophrenia. It is not uncommon for doctors not to believe what they don't see. Since most doctors don't see Childhood Onset Schizophrenia, it's hard for them to wrap their heads around. If I have to drive 2 hours to find a good doctor, I will.

We have something going on that I am hesitant to write details about here yet but will give you a hint. If I give you a time, channel, and date, would you watch us on TV?

More Psychiatry Woes

We had decided to go ahead and start the search for another psychiatrist in the part of town we will eventually move to. Our history with psychiatrists is troubled. For some reason, it is hard for people to envision my son psychotic. Patches they get because she refuses to interact and forces herself to fall asleep in the visit. They see her antisocial behavior and can make the leap to her lovely episodes. Michael is sweet and talks like a baby, he is adorable, and acts like he has no idea what the doctor is talking about when they ask him questions.

I took both of them to a new doctor today and this woman proved to be very detail oriented and I liked that. SHe began to with Patches and asked toms of questions about both her, our family, her previous meds, her dx and so on. She made a couple of faces about the dx and meds. SHe began to tell me she felt she was on too much meds and she refused to write a script for the meds she currently uses to calm down. SHe required proof. SHe wants me to bring in the bottles and a list from the pharmacy proving she uses these drugs. SHe wants a summary from the hospitalizations to prove they were necessary. SHe wants to know who dx'd her and to speak to them. I agree I will do all that.

We start with Michael. SHe refused to accept he is violent and had to be hospitalized for being homocidal. REFUSED. She refused to write any scripts for him at all. SHe wants me to run around and get all that stuff for her before she will do it. SHe wants to assign us a case manager to follow our family because if they were indeed this bad, we would have required further services by now.

If anything, I downplayed their symptoms because things have been great lately. I exsplained that most of the issues have minimized but in the last 6 months we have seen this, this , and this. Needless to say, we are looking for another one immediately. Our therapist is trying to find one that works in that area that he is familar with. I am so pissed I wasted an entire day on crap. I asked the therapist if it was me, maybe the way I present things. He is just as shocked as I am and promises to help relay the information with me to the next one.

Here I go Again

Perhaps I haven't been clear about the recent events surrounding my daughter. It's easy to jump to conclusions about a blogger's life when they fail to fill in all the blanks. It is the only reason I can think of that someone would go into Anonymous mode and leave the following comments. The first is about the phone calls.

Maybe you should take the time to monitor who your child is talking to and at what times. Seems like a parenting issue that you are skirting. Your child is a child. In one instance, she is an innocent victim...in another, you are forcing her to be responsible. Make up your mind. Clearly, she doesn't trust you...but you will blame that on her being a teenager... Seems like you should take a long, hard look in the mirror...


I'm positive you don't know me or you would know that we actually power down the downstairs at night. She had to sneak down hit the breaker. Tip toe back up the room the phone is connected to the cable modem and turn on 1 fart strip, wait for it to turn all the on and that takes more than 60 seconds. Turn on the other fart strip and wait for the phone to start back up. Both my DH and I have cells in our room for emergencies. If you would like to suggest we aren't already doing our part, I beg you to tell me what else I can do? The only time the phone has the chance to charge is during the day when she is at school.

If there is one thing about me you could say I am not, it is a parent that skirts my responsibility. Isn't it a parent's job to teach their child some responsibility? She is 13 and her only responsibilities are to do her homework, a simple chore, and work hard in therapy. SHe does not do any caretaking of ANY of her siblings b/c of her history. We have pretty strict rules in our home about and I make sure to follow through.

The other comment on was about recent boy events-

Maybe, just maybe, your underage child shouldn't be spending "alone" time with an older boy...??? Rather than focusing all of the attention and accountability on the young man and his family, maybe you should be an actual mother to your daughter and not allow her to be alone with older children of the opposite sex (especially since you claim they have all been sexually abused repeatedly)...


I couldn't agree with you more on the time alone with a boy. Considering her past and her age, I do not allow it. We have this year began to let her spend the night at her best friend's house. Her mother is a teacher of another of my children. We'd met and we had a very long talk about what we felt was important and safe for my child, in her care. We have an understanding and I fully trust this woman with my child. After some time of regular visits over there, she was invited to spend the night at this same child's father's home. After a conversation with him about my expectations, I was assured everything would be fine there, as well. I extended my trust considering she was not aware of any issues up there.

Your last comment about "my claim they have been sexually abused" is not a claim but a statement of fact. The children not only have the emotional scars but also a jury of 12 agreed it was true and extensive. Because of their history of sexual abuse, we are very careful about who they are with and how they spend their time with friends. This child is 13 and has only spent the night at 2 friends homes, that started this year. This child has had a boyfriend for 3 months (he is a year younger than she is due to spending 2 yrs in K) and all time together is supervised. His parents and I agree strongly about this have had several conversations. None of us feel our children are ready to be making out or making babies.

Now with as many of the details I can think of, if you have any more concerns regarding my parenting please feel free to give me your advice. If you can think of any other ways for me to stay a step ahead of and prevent my very intelligent and some times manipulative child from participating in any dangerous activities, I am all ears. I am a fully engaged parent. I make mistakes, like any parent but I do not make the same mistake twice. I do not feel there is anything more I could have done in either of these situations to protect her any more. The only thing I could have done differently is spent the night with her at her friend's house and slept with the phone under my pillow. A good parent let's their child experience the world a little at time and with great caution for their safety. I am cautious. Her therapist even agreed it was time to let her start getting away from the house supervised and that's what all the parents agreed it was supposed to be.

I had turned off the Anonymous setting for you Mary Anne. Since you still can't figure it out, LOL, I'm putting it back on. I hope that the person leaving these messages will step up and post who you are. I won't publicly name you or post your blog on here, let me read your blog and see what your family is like. If I had to guess, I would say you had a perfectly normal life. Both parents, no DFCS involvement, and you either do not have children or you were lucky enough to have raised children that haven't been traumatized. Prove me wrong.

This and That

She still refuses to tell the whole truth so I called the boyfriend's Dad and asked him to keep his son's phone at night. He went off on him in Spanish after hearing they have been up until all hours chatting away. I probably wouldn't have called him if she had been honest. No need to involve others when you can trust your child to take responsibilities for their actions and their promises to do right the next time, right? She was cheerful this morning and didn't say anything when I suggested she must have had a good nights sleep.

We are getting concerned with Patches. She is still doing better than ever before but little cracks are beginning to show. She smells, bad. She is irritated easily even though it isn't getting violent. She doesn't trust me to be her guide and that says a lot. She was believing me when I explained a situation to her. Now she thinks I am plotting against her, like her teachers have been. Every one is trying to ruin her day or get one over on her. I hate to adjust the meds but it's coming.

Michael is a doll. His teacher even commented on his recent homework efforts. I am so proud of him for it. I did praise him today so we will see if he does it again tonight.

Ruthie slept all weekend. She practically stayed in bed all day both days. Only coming out briefly a few times. No pains or aches to complain about just sleeping and avoiding interaction. Not a good sign. Not one she has had before but one we saw with both Patches and Michael when they began to deteriorate quickly. They became withdrawn and moody. Keep your fingers crossed I am just paranoid and she has a virus.

Nothing new with Emma. Still working hard to find ways to get out of work.

We are considering asking to taper Ava off her meds. She is doing so well and I really think it is time to try. She is gaining weight rapidly after being on it for a couple years. She is feeling pretty bad about her weight and wants to try. She makes an effort every day to play hard and be active. All her pants are too tight and very long. Her shirts are snug around the belly and make it worse. We have been putting her in the next size shirt but the arms are so long.

Ella is still whispering to me all the time. It drives me crazy! I would so much rather her call me a stupid, fat, @itch than be so pitiful. The more I try to encourage her the more she whispers. I am just pretending I don't hear her until she uses a real voice. It's not working, she just pouts and whispers that nobody loves her.

Kiera is biting and hitting the crap out of us. Still not sleeping well. Still cute as a button.

We treated the kids with ice cream for dinner last night since they have been so good lately. They were so excited and Kiera was crazy afterward. She jumped off hte sofa, ran circles in the LR, and screamed Patty Cake over and over while dancing for us.

Lies and More Lies

Apparently, our telephone company has a conspiracy against my child and our family. They claim that someone has been getting up in the middle of the night to make and receive calls over 125 times in the last month. Maybe it's just someone breaking in and calling my child's boyfriend and best friends. My child would never look at me and lie even with evidence in her face. She is so far past all this. She has grown and worked through so many of her issues. She knows she can trust me and that I always value honesty. If they are honest the consequence is always so much less.

Who would lie if you know being honest would benefit you? A teenager. Throw in some attachment issues and you will see a child look you right in the eye and deny the obvious. Some of this is normal teenage crap, some of this is left over from her need to protect herself.

I can't wait until I have 7 teenagers at once. Let the good times roll.

Secrets and Consequences

After 3 and half years, one of my girls was still terrified to tell me something she had done because she fears I might stop loving her or kick her out. Will she ever understand I love her unconditionally? I am disappointed in what she confessed. It only confirms she needs me to buckle down even more than I thought. The abuse she suffered still affects her thinking and she can not trust herself with boys. She is such a good girl. She just wants everyone to like her.

She found herself in a situation that she was showered with attention from an older boy. She knew what was happening was wrong and felt scary but she said she couldn't say anything. She let him pressure her and didn't feel like she had any other option. He wasn't mean or violent and she didn't say no so she must have been equally to blame, in her mind. We have talked openly about situations just like this. Somehow her fear took over and she shut down. She doesn't blame him.

When I "forced" her to go over the details, she skipped giant parts. It was in those parts that I realized what happened. He encouraged her to drink alcohol. He told her she wouldn't get drunk even though she was already feeling "dizzy". He knew she was very young and was dancing in a grinding kinda way with her. She loved the attention and had been feeling like a 3rd heel because her friend had brought 2 friends this trip. All of it added to the situation.

After getting about all I could from her I contacted my BIL to see what, if any charges could be brought up against the boy. Off the top of his head he said at least 4 but he's sure he could come up with more if given more than 30 seconds. Interference with the custody of a child, adding to the delinquency of a minor, endangerment of a child, and child molestation of a child under 14. Pretty serious because of her age. If they had been peers, it wouldn't be so serious.

I managed to get his parents number and was able to talk to her last night. She didn't blame my child once. She sobbed and admitted he had been having a lot of trouble and most of it was over at the house this happened at. Her husband wasn't home but she promised to call me in the next day or 2 to discuss what we wanted to do. She told me a bit about her family and how surprised they have been with his actions lately. He doesn't come from a broken home, he is an excellent student, he is career minded, and they feel he will get a football scholarship to attend college. She wasn't telling me these things to prevent me from pressing charges, she said it because she was completely shocked by how quickly his life had changed.

I received a call a couple hours later from the mother, she was still very upset and having a hard time chocking back tears. She put her son on the phone. He was sobbing. He took complete responsibility. He explained he didn't know what he was doing lately and wished he hadn't been drinking that night. He meant what he said. It was moving. I explained to both him and his mother that we would not be pressing charges but would like to meet up with him next week to discuss an appropriate consequence for his actions. We do not want to destroy his life but want this to make an impact on him.

We plan to ask him to earn the money, not his parents, to pay for a therapeutic group that has both victims of sexual abuse and for teenagers showing inappropriate sexual behaviors about this situation and do at least 100 hours of community service with MADD. In our opinion, it is much better than him spending the next 25 years in prison. We feel he will have the opportunity to learn from this experience. None of us are concerned he is any risk to become a child molester or rapist. He was a kid and made a stupid choice when he was drunk. I am sure he will walk away with a much better understanding of what is acceptable behavior.

I Should Have Known

I was worried when I typed it. One of my girls dissociated when her brother hurt her sister. She came to his defense, when he didn't need it or deserve it and then turned on me. She had to be helped from the room so he didn't hurt her and she ran upstairs threatening to kill herself. She locked the door but opened it when I asked her only to slam it a few more times. She threw a bunk bed ladder and heater. When she yanked a cord out of the wall and tried to whip me with it, I grabbed it and pulled it away. She said it hit her but I'm not sure. She threatened to kill herself, Rosa (who is not here), and me. After a half an hour, I wasn't at the top of my game due to lack of sleep, I yelled back at her the same thing she had been screaming at me. I kinda surprised myself and quickly asked her how it felt to be told that. She threatened to tell her friends on me and I invited her to tell her teacher, friends, therapist, and police if she wanted. I didn't deserve to be treated this way. Her complaint in the end was that I don't like her parents and I don't love her.

It's exhausting constantly trying to prove you are worthy to be their parent, to prove you love them, to make them feel loved when they feel unlovable, and to keep my damn cool on 2 hours of sleep. I wish they would coordinate their outbursts with my sleeping habits.

I Must Confess

I have nothing to blog about. We are that good. It is lasting long enough to make me feel it is real. We all sit at the table and giggle our way through dinner. They do their homework without so much as a huff. Mornings are tough for Emma to get motivated but it's always going to be hard for her b/c she is not a morning person. There is no juicy crap to share with you. Any questions?

Lessons and New Tricks

Kiera recently learned to blow bubbles in her drinks and has now moved onto gargling them. SHe is barely slowed down when she inhales the liquid and is forced to cough it back out. All cups must be guarded to protect them from the child. She doesn't care what is in them and yells for all to watch her.

Today she informed me, "My little turds smell."

When laying with her Dad for a nap, she showed him her feet announcing, "My bebe toes!" Then asked, "You got bebe toes?" He promised her his toes were not baby toes but Daddy toes. She insisted on calling Gorges this morning to find out if she had bebe toes.

She loves Cornnuts. Well, not to eat them but to suck the salt off them and spit them into my coffee. Guess how I discovered this?

Emma is lying about doing her chore lately. I bet she learned her lesson last night when I gave her several chores.

Michael actually sat down with me and learned how to borrow when subtracting. He got a kick out if when I told him the number had to go to their neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar and bring it back. This was the first good experience with homework. E.V.E.R.

My son has been hiding his healthy snacks in the yard and on our carport.

Ella has discovered she can get away with something if she makes me laugh.

Ava has discovered that hounding me about something just makes me procrastinate.

Ruthie now understands what I meant when I told her that cutting your nails too short will hurt.