The Doctor Visit

I was convinced that I would have taken the kids to the doctor a long time ago if they felt half as bad as I did. If Mama's not happy ain't nobody happy was thrown in my face repeatedly, as well. I have not eaten since last Friday and am struggling to drink due to extreme pain in my stomach when I do. Turns out the kids have been slowly torturing me and I believe it is a form of attempted murder. LOL The stress headaches that I have had for months (since they moved in) have lead me to increase my ibuprofen intake and in turn has caused several stomach ulcers. Just great! So I take my little prescription to the pharmacy and I am taking 4 kinds of meds, 2 of each, 4 times a day for 14 days plus another one 2 pills twice a day indefinitely. Now that would not be so bad IF I COULD EAT OR DRINK! By the time I get a round down I have to start again. I can barely talk b/c the inside of my mouth is completely covered in canker sores and is very swollen, not a square centimeter is left untouched by the horrible things. They are so severe b/c my immune system was so compromised by the ulcers that I never actually had the flu, it was all from these stupid ulcers. I have managed to somehow get strep and am lucky I went to the doctor when I did b/c my throat only became sore that day and I assumed it was canker sores in my throat or something.

I think somebody should pay for this and it should not be me. Hmmm, who could it be? My son? Sounds good since this is directly linked to him and his poor choices. Too bad I can't really charge DFCS for it due to the lack of stability in his life since he has been in care. Afterall, that is what causes his RAD. OK, I am done complaining and back to getting my kids' lives back on track.

They have been more psycho than usual b/c I have been so sick. My son took a shower for the first time in 3 days and I an thrilled to smell a clean boy instead of a urine soaked one. D has not eaten dinner in 2 nights b/c she chooses not to eat and blames me for not feeding her. The plate was on the table and had food on it but I refuse to feed her? I am confused or maybe she is, perhaps she thought the food was for our ghost. She has struggled in the past with the need to control food so I know we will get past this or she will end up in the hospital with a drip, her choice. I am taking the calm approach to our lives from now on. I am giving up all the power and giving them 2 choices, the choice I want them to make or a really horrible option. LOL It will all be up to them.

Stay tuned to see who will win......The Psycho Kids or The Starving Mother!!!

I am alive, barely.

I have been gone a few days and will probably need a few more to get my wits about me. I went to bed Saturday night feeling kinda bad and have not been able to sit up for more than a few minutes since. I have managed to catch the flu and it had to happen on a weekend I had all my nieces here. I have never been so sick and due to my wonderful children freaking out b/c I am down, I have been unable to properly care for myself and managed to become dehydrated twice to the point my DH gave me an hour or he was calling an ambulance. That was just what my kids needed, another ambulance to get Mom. I just was unable to keep medicine or liquid down and got to the point I worried I couldn't keep trying. Pretzels did the trick and I was able to hold down a nibble here and there and eventually liquid. I really should have gone to the hospital but with all the kids the only way to get there was an ambulance or have them all in the waiting room tearing it apart.

This is the first time my fever has dropped below 100 and since it is the middle of the night and quiet, I thought I would update you guys. I can tell a few more of my kids are falling prey to my nightmare and I am so weak I had to sit down half way up the stairs so I anticipate I will need a bit longer to gather myself.

I was alone with the kids all day Monday since they were out of school. It went well until the afternoon, the sicker I got the worse they got. Today D and A were not much better. The tantrums and trashing things is almost too much and I considered respite until I am better. If I do not continue to get better, it will be my only option b/c I can't protect them or the others in this shape. They have trashed my house beyond recognition. I got up a little while ago and looked around for the first time in days, not good. I have traveled from my bed to the couch and that's it for days. I was oblivious to my surroundings until now. They are going to hear about it as soon as I can holler.

C ran around upstairs and pulled her panties down for D and A when they were supposed to be cleaning up their rooms. She is becoming a pill, her tantrums have increased lately to almost daily and she kicks her braces against the floor for the most annoying sound ever.

B has been a real help and I will be doing something nice for her soon. She is used to being in the mother role and happily picked it back up these last few days. She is really upset about possible respite for the kids but she would also be glad for the peace and quiet for a few days. She claims the real torture for them would be the return when I am better. LOL

I have the Flu

I am very sick and the kids are being great little caretakers. I'll have to update later.

Lots to Update

Things are not going well here. I hate to give to many details but my girls are saying things to the therapist that have caused enough concern for him to request a plan be in place for my son if or when I need him removed. My agency is getting right on it. The girls are unhappy about the way he treats me. I knew they were upset with him but I had no idea that it was concern for my safety. I feel I still have a grip on things but I want to be sure the girls fell safe over the fact I feel ok.

We are having an emergency IEP meeting about my son next week and hopefully he will be pulled out of a regular class and put in an emotional behavior class. The teacher is starting to feel the same way. I am thrilled she is seeing things and sad my son is making an ass of himself in front of the school. He is now telling stories about "bad boys" beating him up on the playground and in the hall. No one has ever seen them and he has never been able to point them out or show a bruise. Friday he came home with scraped knuckles that we took pictures of b/c he claimed it was from a fight but it looked like he rubbed them on concrete to me.

D is doing well in her new school. B is healing well and back to school. Emma is sick of my son right now but loves the girls. The twins have been driving me nuts over the last two weeks and I guess what is most upsetting is I expect more from them. Both are hitting and throwing tantrums that they are struggling to recover from. P has been stealing from school, just small amounts of money but still stealing.

I am listening to 3 raging tantrums as I type....Calgon take me away!!!!

B had her tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears on Friday. All went very well. She was great the first day but has had additional pain every day. We were told the pain should reach it's height between 5-7 days and she will be home from school for 10 days.

My son has reached an all time high in poor behavior. He is really working my nerves today and I am concerned this will go on for years to come. I am anxious to see the final report from the Psychologist next week. I know he wants to be good but something sets him off every day (several times each day) and he will hit or throw something at someone. Today he broke our little heater in the living room, threw and broke a cup, poured hot chocolate on the sofa and stained it horribly, hit me with his shoe, scratched me from the elbow to my hand and tore a nice chunk of skin off, hit 4 of the 6 girls, and broke the fireplace screen by throwing a skate at it. That is his damage from 4 PM to 7 PM, just a short time and a ton of damage. He spent the night with my MIL and all the girls except B, she needed the house to be calm and so it was just the 2 of us for until 4 PM. He was required to do all the girls chores tonight to make up for the hitting and he will have more chores to make up for the damage he did to the house and me. The sad thing is my husband is starting to get frustrated with him. It takes alot for that to happen and I know he will get over it but I am worried my son will not get the help he needs to heal.

The Special Olympics

I went to watch D play volleyball today for the Special Olympics. I had no idea what to expect and I thought it was great to see they did not use real volleyballs but instead used beach balls. They couldn't use real ones b/c half the kids there would have been knocked unconscious. I was trying to keep a straight face the entire time, they tried so hard and it was the most entertaining sport I have ever seen. I took a ton of pictures hoping to get a good one of her trying. I was a little sad to see no other parent showed up. We were treated with lots of hugs from her new classmates b/c they were so excited to have a cheerleading section made up of D's family for their team much. They won 3 of their games before I left so I can;t wait to hear what the final score was.

Pre Op and the Appeal

I have spent the day, I mean this took all day, at the doctor and hospital for B's Pre Op stuff. She is 10 yrs old and is having her tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears. I was surprised they decided on the tubes b/c I thought it was for young children. She has had fluid in her ears since we met and gets swimmers ear multiple times a season. I have to call Thursday night to see what time her surgery is scheduled for on Friday. She has no idea how bad this will be. LOL She was upset about all the blood work today but she did well. The ENT claims she will be out of school for 10 days, that was a huge surprise, I figured 4 or 5 days. She is an extremely lazy child and will thoroughly enjoy this down time.

When I got home, just as the kids got of the bus, their birth aunt called my cell. Her and I exchange emails fairly regularly and she had some big news she was asked to share with me and felt it warranted a call instead. The kids' parents sat their family down yesterday to tell them they called their attorney and asked to drop the appeal. They were supposed to go today and sign some paperwork to make it real. I was shocked b/c around the holiday it had come up and the father freaked out and refused to discuss it with the mother any further. This time he is willing to do it and was the one to make the call. Their family has been encouraging them to do this all along b/c after 5 yrs in care the kids really need to find stability and they had little hope to have it overturned, per their own attorney. I am thrilled and scared to death at the same time. They will be ours and OMG they will be ours to deal with alone. I hope I survive them. There is no way I would or could back out now but the door of opportunity is closing and that is scary. I hope we are able to have them assessed and work out the financial part.

Great Weekend

We have had a fantastic weekend!! OK, I am leaving out the normal bad behaviors and focusing on the fact we survived and made it to see my friend and his family. It was great. He looks really good and his wife and kids are gorgeous. We went to a pizza place that has video games to entertain the kids. This was such a good idea for our kids b/c it allowed them to focus on something besides cuddling up to him. They barely noticed him and I was so relieved. The kids behaved and spent a ton of money on video games and the gumball machine. How many gumballs does a kid need anyway? We were there for over 2 hours and talked up a storm. I can't wait to see them again.

On an irritating note, we went to dinner with an employee of my husband's on Friday and my oldest acted like she was on a date with him. She flipped her hair, laughed at his stupid jokes, and kept pressing her arm against his. He is so stupid he did not even notice. I had to have a conversation about how her body language looked and how dangerous it is. I made sure she understood she had done nothing wrong and it was normal for a girl to have a crush but she has to be careful how she acts so a man does not get uncomfortable. It was a fine line to walk and make her understand she would never be at fault if a man approached her but she needed to curb the flirting.

My husband had his truck stolen by an employee on Saturday and we spent the day freaking out b/c it had almost $5000 worth of tools in it. My husband hires alot of guys from a halfway house in our area and it has had it's moments. This was definitely one of them. He returned the truck with everything in tact and we dropped the charges. He had relapsed but come out of it and came over to our home to tell us. He turned over all his cash ($1000) so he would not be tempted again. My husband holds cash for several of the guys and disperses small amounts every day to help them at their request. It is so sad but they are really great employees for the most part.

Over all, great weekend b/c all the kids survived and I slept on Saturday night for more than 4 hours.

My Little Athlete

I have just finished filling out the paperwork for D to be in the Special Olympics. Next week she will compete in volleyball and there will be other sports throughout the school year. The funny part is she does not know what the sport is and has the reflexes of a rock. If you throw a ball at her she does not move, she will watch it coming towards her face and do nothing. I have a week to teach her to lift her hands. I am not convinced she will learn this before her big day.

We told her last night about being promoted to the 2nd grade and changing schools. She was very excited about the new idea and it became obvious she has no attachment to anyone in her class or school. Just another reminder for me how unattached she is to everything. She is looking forward to riding the little bus w/ her sister and being the oldest sibling there at that school. She feels she will be in charge. Whatever it takes, girl.

We had the first decent night in awhile and I was on the edge waiting for an outburst. They behaved very well at the restaurant and only got a little loud in van on the way home. Showers went well and bedtime is usually pretty easy. They will lay down w/o a problem but my son gets up multiple times every night. I am very grateful that that part of our day goes fairly well regularly. I am focusing on only the good things and giving little attention to the negative behaviors. I also ordered the weighted vests for both D and my son to replace the brushing. It really saves me a ton of time and energy to have them put on a vest for 30 minutes a couple of times a day rather than stop everything every couple of hours.

The Decision to Move Her

I got up extra early today and attended D's IEP meeting. Several things were discussed and decided. The most important one is she will be changing schools and entering a Mental Intelligence Disability Program. She will be 1 of 8 children and will have 2 teachers. I went to see her new class and was very impressed. They focus on academics and independent training. She will be advanced a grade to be with children her own age. She was retained last year and will be thrilled to hear she will be in the correct grade. This class does not focus on grades at all but does on classwork and learning the skills. I feel good about this decision and hope she is able to see herself as "normal". She is in desperate need of a few successes.

What More Can I Do?

It has been an extremely difficult weekend and I have been left drained and wondering if I am doing enough. Sunday was an absolute disaster after we had sat down the 3 difficult children Saturday night and encouraged them not to let one day set them back further. They managed to make Sunday worse that ever. My oldest, B, who is extremely dedicated to her siblings asked me to consider a hospital for D and my son. She is worried what their behavior is doing to the rest of them and how they are taking their anger out on Emma. She wishes she would have been adopted without them. I am still committed to all of them but I wonder if she isn't right, they need more than what we have to offer and they are obviously more disturbed than the others and are doing damage to them from the constant violence and destruction. How much am I supposed to put my other children through? I feel strongly that they will be able to get it together someday and be a part of our family and I would not consider disrupting but I am concerned for the rest of our sanity.

The therapist understands that I feel like therapy is a waste of time with them and 20 minutes a week is not doing them any good. How can they get anything out of that in such a short time. They need an hour or more a week and they need to see more than one therapist so I can not stay at an office for hours upon hours a week and get nothing accomplished. They need attachment therapy and these evaluations should give me a ammo to fight DFCS on it. I feel like I can not add anymore effort (brushing, cuddling, and games) to my day b/c I am so strapped for time as it is. I am leaning toward homeschooling for a while to get these things in our day done. I have so many appointments and not enough time. I am babbling, I am just trying to figure out what else I could possibly do.

Strike Three and I Want Outta Here

I got up early and brushed the kids hoping not to repeat the last 2 Saturdays. It did not work. I am completely at a loss for the trigger and reasons for this huge setback. Maybe they are having some feelings of attachment and they are freaking out. Maybe they are missing my husband b/c he has had to work the last few weekends and they are used to spending time with him. Maybe it is their poor little bodies are now getting so much to process with this new technique. I am really open for suggestions, I am getting pretty frustrated and overwhelmed. My husband will be done with his deadline this week so he will be here more and that will help.

It is so bad I had to postpone my friend reunion tomorrow and I can;t help but wonder if that is what has the kids in an uproar to begin with. Me having something positive and non child related to look forward to and plan for. That would be right up their alley. They have issues with their Mother cheating and my friend is a man, ohhhh, I think I might have figured out today myself. They freaked out last night at the thought of me leaving town in May for a weekend with online friends not only b/c I was leaving but when I mentioned some of the names and one was obviously a man that is when the older kids started crying. B tried to say she did not want to be left alone with a man (my husband) but when given several great offers she ended up being ok with staying here with him. He was teasing me about leaving at first but opted to stay here with him once he made it clear he was not concerned with the trip. I may really be onto something with this.

Holding Out

The twins worked really hard on their evaluations and the doctor commented on the fact they were delayed. We are sure C is but not so sure about A. I have been desperate for someone to clarify this for us. Hopefully now we will have those answers. I have cramps in my hand from filling out the endless forms and questionnaires for these evaluations. I am not kidding, I couldn't figure out why my right hand is so sore lately and as I was filling out these darn things in the waiting room I realized it was from them. I thought possibly an injury from a recent restraint but I am pretty sure it is from the endless questions.

My worker met me there to pick up some paperwork and books. She is the nicest girl, she is always so beautifully dressed. She made a comment on how I looked nice today and I thought about it and she does not get to see me in makeup and hair fixed b/c she usually sees me at home running around cleaning noses and wiping butts. Anyway, she made my day. I know, I am so easy to please.

D, is still choosing to stay in her room and throw a fit rather than spend the few minutes it would take to clean it up. My kids are gonna be really successful once they put their minds into it. I think she is on day 3 of this, there is no way I could have held out that long. She is a little freaked out b/c I complimented her on it a few minutes ago. She keeps waiting for me to be upset at her choice not to clean up her mess and I am complimenting her on her amazing ability to stand her ground. LOL I can out last her anytime. She needs me to be firm and I will. Take your time, D.

I am Exhausted, Pissed Off, and Thrilled to Death

D spent the entire afternoon yesterday and today in her room folding clothes. This is the umpteenth time I have asked her to fold the clean clothes and put them in her drawer. I know this seems to be a simple request for most people even my youngest 3 fold their clothes and put them away properly most of the time. This child refuses to do it. She has to be in control of something and she has chosen this for now. She raged for hours and then came out calmly to tell me she had done it and it is ready to be checked. Great! I was in the middle of grilling the shark steaks and preparing dinner for my sister and her family so I asked B to check it. She ran back down and all was well. Until bedtime that is...D had shoved all clothes in the closet and B did not think to look there. I kissed D and told her I was disappointed but no problem she could try again tomorrow. Shockingly, she cried but did not rage. She knew she was caught.

My son, D, and P all raged this afternoon. I assured them I could tell they did not need any additional sugar to fuel this fire so they would not be eating cake with the rest of us if it continued. I over heard the other kids reminding them several times that I mean business and if they didn't get a grip they would not have cake and ice cream for my sister later. Of course, they were unable to see past the moment and continued for some time. They handled it well later when I excused them to showers after we sang to her. My sister was horrified and really had a hard time accepting their consequence. She was completely appropriate but it hurt her to hear them and watch them walk away so sad. It hurts me, too. Suck it up, old lady, I am trying to do my best and I don't need you making me feel like crap. (I absolutely adore her, really I do.)

My son has taken to pooping himself just enough to stink. This is fairly new and disgusting as you can imagine. I just wonder if the other kids at school have noticed his smell yet. Please let him get through this issue quickly, I can't stand the stench!!!! The peeing is tolerable but the poop, how do you people cope with this? EEEWWWW!!!!!

I have 2 psychological evaluations tomorrow about an hour from here. I have to meet my worker to give her some things and I have to be back here before they get out of school. Somehow I must find the time to clean my house and do 15 loads of laundry. They have gone through all their new clothes and I am at a point I must get this laundry under control instead of buying more clothes. I am entertaining guests both Saturday and Sunday after church. The first is the older girls former foster family. They actually have cared for all of the kids longer than the parents have. They have 2 new foster children and an daughter they adopted at birth. We are exchanging holiday gifts and I have to run out and get 2 more gifts so they won't be left out. I am supposed to serve lunch but I will probably order pizza to save me the effort.

It's Sunday that I am the most excited about. I have recently found a very dear friend from childhood and early adulthood. We have spoken a couple of times this week and I am thrilled to meet his children and reconnect with his wife and him. He is someone from my past that remembers the old me, the old me that led me to my life today. He witnessed some of my worst behaviors and probably participated in a few of them. It was those choices that put me in a position to see foster care from inside a group home as a teen and plant the seed that grew into my family today. Over the years, thinking of him has brought a smile to my face and I can't wait to see in person what age has done to my friend. I am a little nervous about what he will think of how I have changed, I look nothing like I did then. I am far from that young thing he had remembered all these years. What am I worried about, he's old, too. Sometimes it's hard to believe I am an adult much less wrap my mind around the fact he has been a father for 16 years. I can't wait to see how much hasn't changed, he was still funny, kind, thoughtful, and supportive on the phone. The same boy down deep.

I Get it Already!!!

The last 2 Saturday mornings have thrown me off a bit on my brushing schedule. They are used to getting up and getting it within a few minutes and are off to their day but the weekends are harder for me to get to them so quickly and they go off the deep end which leads to hours of rages before I can calm them enough to be brushed. It is a horrible cycle I refuse to relive again and again. I now know this will be my priority and will do this first every day. Their OT is shocked it has had such a huge impact on our lives and frankly, I have had my moments where I thought it was possible they were "getting better" on their own or with my help. I was wrong, every time I have been late or missed it they have turned into crazy screaming monsters with rages lasting most of the day that I was completely powerless to calm until they wore themselves out. It is as bad if not worse than in the beginning and they are as shocked by their lack of control as I am. Their OT is looking into additional things to help us cope with their sensory issues and I have been asked to speak at a meeting for local OTs on the impact of this technique with her. From what I understand, it is not usually this effective and not as commonly used on their type of sensory issues. I am obviously not up to snuff on all of this b/c it is still so new to me.

Last Friday I took my son and D to have psychological evaluations done. I was concerned that they would blow right through them and convince them how awesome and cute they are. The school is convinced I am crazy so I figured it was a real possibility they would, too. Dr. D. has it under control, she saw things right off the bat that most don't. I know it is her job but she is good. She asked D to draw a picture of a family and she drew the Dr. D. as her mother. Hello! Can you say "Mommy shopping again!" She asked me about the fidgeting and constant moving, I barely notice with so many moving constantly and it does not bother me at all so I figured it was normal. Not at all, they could not sit still for even a moment she claimed. Poor D could not even concentrate on the questions b/c she is so delayed and shifts into survival mode when she does not understand things. She admitted she had grave concerns about possible attachment issues with both of them but she would let me know when she had finished the testing and her report. I am very excited to see what she has to say b/c she came very highly recommended by my agency. Everyone knows they are traumatized but it will be great to have it in writing so we can pursue attachment therapy and know in what direction we need to be headed before we finalize. I would love to fight for the correct amount of subsidy but that is really last on a very long list of things to accomplish in this life since I feel like a heal doing it and we can manage w/o it.

School and Taxes

The lice are gone and we do not intend on extending another invitation. Wash, wash, wash is all I have done and will continue to do for the next few days.

Ella loves her new class and teacher. Her favorite part today was when the teacher laid down beside her at nap time. I guess my kids refused to sleep which is highly unusual for her. Every time she gets in a car or sits on the sofa she is out. Her twin has decided (at least for today) that she wants to change her name to Ava. She wrote it all over her paper today but can't recall the name if asked so I have no idea how she will adjust if that is what she really chooses to do.

My agency has offered to pay for a second weekend away for us to attend another really cool training thing. We have to pay for it upfront and they will reimburse us for mileage, lodging, and food in addition to the cost of the training. I am pretty sure we will accept it and go. We will be way over in training hours this year, too. I sure wish they would roll over to the next year, LOL.

I took the kids for a DNA test yesterday b/c the father is denying paternity so he does not have to pay child support until they prove he is the father. This is just a way to slow things down and really ticks me off I had to check out all my kids and drive for 2.5 hours each way. Then we stopped of at the DFCS office to save their worker a long ride here. I swear to you we were not there 10 minutes and that was her quarterly visit. She could not get us out of there fast enough and the kids were good. They got their presents from their birth family and sobbed all the way home wondering what was in the packages. Then they cried all evening and half the night missing them. It is so hard watching them suffer and there is not a thing I can do to make it better. They are ready to move forward, though, I can see so many ways they are changing and the first thing they anted to know from my worker was when will they be adopted. I am trying down play the conversations about it for now but they are very focused so I guess they need to talk about it.

I spoke briefly to their aunt today and she told me the parents were going to claim the kids on their taxes again. They are going to get in trouble this time b/c I know for a fact the foster mother is planning on claiming them, too. We actually had them in our home longer this year but technically they were placed here just after the needed time to claim. The foster families received a per diem and I had physical custody of them just not legal custody. What a crock.

Not Again!

They are back. LICE!!!! I noticed some itching earlier in the week and panicked. I read somewhere recently that there is a prescription for it out now that was really good. I took them to the pediatrician and she gave me 2 scripts for Ovide and a professional nit comb. I admit I was skeptical at first, I mean we have battled this for 6 months and it seemed to have it under control several times only to have it back again. She assured me this stuff kills the nits, too. That has been the problem all along, I can't get all of the nits out. I would wash them every few days to prevent the lice from maturing and laying more eggs. I have used all the OTC shampoos, olive oil, mayonnaise, hair gel, and tee tree shampoos regularly and I wash or dry on high their pillows, towels, blankets, coats, and anything that I can shove into the darn thing. I spray my furniture, van, and their book bags down, I mean I am as thorough as possible but could not get these horrible pests out of here. Now back to the present....This stuff is so great!! The minute I leaned A over and poured on the first few drops I saw one run for cover. I put her head up and I saw several at the front of her head. I had no idea she had so many b/c they are the exact color of her hair and are invisible until her hair is wet. It does burn so she was getting upset and I hurried along, when I was done I noticed her shirt was dirty and I brushed it off only to realize it was not dirt it was dead bugs! OMG!!!! On to the next child and I swear these things were actually jumping off her head like she was a burning building and they were dead before they hit the ground. My sister called this after noon and asked why I was so cheery, "I've finally killed them and their babies, too!"

I took C to see her new school and they are calling her by the name she wants to become, Ella. She has chosen this on her own and is quite demanding about it. My husband calls her Smella and she loves it. She was so nervous going in and when the teacher introduced her as Ella I thought she would die, she smiled from ear to ear and giggled every time they said it. On the way home in a huge storm she tells me, "I think I'm going to like my teacher." I know exactly why, too.

My husband is getting a huge bonus if he finishes his current project, a strip mall. He always finishes on time so while I won't bank on it yet I know he will get it. He loves working for this guy Darrin b/c he just had his partner buy my husband a 2004 Dodge Ram 3/4 ton Quad Cab Long Bed truck with a Hemi. The guy drove it around a bit and took it to the shop and put a brand new motor in it b/c he said it had too many miles on it. He is supposed to go to CA and pick it up in 2 weeks and I swear the man told me to call him Mr. Hemi. He is so excited, it is his dream truck and I hear him giggle a little to himself every once in awhile. He works so hard and he deserves everything he makes but a truck seems a bit over the top. They really like him and this guy is so rich it is not even funny. He has multiple homes and commercial properties. He wants my husband to stick around b/c he saves him so much money on every job that he literally builds these properties for about 1/4 of the price a general contractor would charge him. My husband's guys do most of the work, he plays Superintendent for free b/c they pay him more 33% more than he gets anywhere else, and he knows what he is doing and always does a great job. They stole my husband from the general contractor of one of their jobs b/c he was doing all the work and Darrin was paying a guy who hired the guy that hired my husband. Did you follow that? Darrin saves by eliminating 2 companies and still pays Pookie tons more than he wanted and now they are giving him bonuses on top. Anyway, he loves his job and that is a good thing.

My kids D and A have been doing the brushing and I went to the school today and did it w/o incident. They both came home from school with serious issues. A got in a fight at school and pushed a girl down in the mud. I am waiting to discover the consequence of that incident tomorrow. D started freaking out on the bus for no reason and ended up cussing out the bus driver. She will be suspended from the bus and I am sure this has to do with their "need" for the next session. I swear it is like heroin or something. They become desperate and out of control when it wears out. They have to have that stimulus and she told me she did not know why she was angry she just needed to scream and she felt better.

I talked to the OT and she was not surprised, she wants a meeting with the school to have them do an additional brushing in the after noon. I am not real happy about them doing it b/c I worry about attachment issues but they obviously need it and I can not go 2 times a day for 10 minutes. She also wants a SID dx for all my kids in place by the pediatrician immediately. I am sure they will do it but more calls for me and lots of faxing.

I spoke with C's new teacher and she was so kind. She is really excited to meet our family b/c she has heard so much about us form the other school and the county office. She was informed C's twin may be entering her class as well based on the evals I had turned into the county office. She had fantastic things to say about her school's grade level MID program and said D would be a lucky girl to get in there with that teacher b/c she is top notch. She pushes the kids to be their best and does not back down. That is exactly what D needs.

C will start Special Ed Pre K next Tuesday and will attend Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am waiting on her new teacher to call and set up a quick tour of the class before she starts. Transportation will not be in effect for 20 days or so. One of the reasons I am so excited about this school is that this is the very school we are being considered for for D. I was so worried about D going to a new school w/o her siblings and now she will have one. C is pretty excited to the point of telling strangers in the store. She is so clingy with me I am not sure how it will go at first she barely leaves me alone to use the restroom now. I am not kidding, she waits outside the door and tells me "I can't hear anything. Are you going?" When I say I do not have a minute to myself, I am serious.

We had C's braces for her legs refitted and he was not impressed with the way they are fitting her. She has been complaining alot but I make her wear them anyway. We have compromised and let her do most of her time at night until she can wear them longer during the day. This specialist thinks she needs an orthopedist appointment now not in 5 weeks. I agree but can not find one willing to take Medicaid. We have to go back in 2 weeks to have them rechecked and possibly have one redone.

My niece, Brooklyn, is at my home M-F from 7AM to 4 Pm and tonight we convinced her Mom to let her spend the night. Yeah!! I have watched her since she was a baby and love her to death. She is 2.5 yrs old and starting that whiny stage but really smart and funny. She will sleep in a sleeping bag in the little girls room. We skipped a nap so she will go to sleep tonight. She loves scary movies of any kind and I kid you not, here favorite one is The Grudge. She loves to be a monster and kinda growls things at you when she is playing one. My kids are all scared of the dark and freaked out by everything so it is too funny to see this kid loving such things.

The School, the Detective, and a Getaway

It is a new year and all of my children have survived the holidays with everything in tact. I, however, am not so sure I am still ok. I know for sure I am alive but I believe my sanity has left the building. Our Winter Break is finally over and they all left this morning for school. They were ready very early and waiting by the door to leave. I can't wait to hear about their day later.

The school agreed to allow me to do the brushing in the clinic area every day at 10:45 as long as I am quick about it and my other children behave while I am attending the child. Gimme a break, why wouldn't my kids behave? It was the bigger kids that ate the artwork off the walls. My younger kids are good every time we are there and have never given an ounce of trouble to anyone but me. LOL

The director of Special Education in our school called and wanted to assure me that she is still working on D's IEP. She is having someone from another school (the one she would attend if we choose a closed room) come out and watch her in her class and see if she would fit in. Then I have to go to their school and watch and then we decide if that is what we all agree on. Lots of waiting and not alot of doing, seems to me. I am trying to be patient but this kid has already lost 3 school years b/c other schools took so long .

My wonderful agency gave us a FREE weekend away for adoptive parents marriage training. I know most people would be offended but they actually knew we would love it b/c we both love the training part and no kids is a thought I will be dreaming of until March. I have worked out the sitter part and am gonna pack this week and just wait. We will be going to Helen, GA and enjoying a relaxing weekend with 30 other parents like us. They swear it is not formal training but I don't mind sitting in an office listening and talking as long as it is adults only. Needless to say, I am a little excited. We would have selected a weekend closer but my husband is about to leave for Puerto Rico in the next 2 months and we are not sure what the exact date is so we had to schedule for March.

A detective called me first thing this morning to ask questions about the memory P had a few weeks ago. She will be contacting the parents, family, and our therapist but does not think anything will happen b/c the child that was abused does not remember it. It will come down to P's word against the parents word. That is exactly what I was afraid of and while I wan them to be tried for this crime I do not want P to have to be sacrificed for it. The detective was very clear about children lying about this type of thing, they don't. She said in all her years she has found only one child that did and she has had a history of lying about alot of things so they were weary until she confessed. I believe P, she would never say anything bad about her parents. I hope one day she realizes all she has seen is abuse and properly deals with it.

This whole thing makes me worry about an open adoption. Of course it will be very closely monitored and they will never be left alone. I have no problem telling the parents I believe P and they are not to touch the children other than a hug hello and goodbye. The kids still want to see their parents and are "going along" with the adoption b/c we had told them we would be somewhat open. I hate to be the one that makes it clear that abuse happened and it is no longer safe especially since they want to see them so badly. They are not afraid of them and I keep repeating "as long as you want to and it is safe we will have a relationship with them". I think I have covered my bases and made it clear that if they change their mind they do not have to see them. If I feel it is dangerous to see them I can cancel. I want our kids to grow up with the reality of who and what their parents are and not some fantasy about how great life was back at home. My oldest knows but she is the only one. The others don't remember being home for any length of time and thought it was fun to live w/o lights and water. We have alot to think about over the next few months. I really hope the mother confesses, if she is interrogated alone she might. She is not able to speak for herself and could easily be scared into telling the truth if separated from her husband.

Tonight my sister and her kids are coming over for a "party". We have elected not have any alcohol here to respect the kids' wishes. We are not drinkers really at all. The last time we drank was the end of last year, but we do like to have a couple on New Years Eve. Not this year. The kids are a little weird about alcohol and while I think it is important for them to learn about social drinking, this is not the time to show them. We have many years to provide a good role model on adult beverages and I intend to teach them what is appropriate.

I have been sick for a couple of days so my house is trashed and we have spent a good bit of today cleaning. We still need to go to Walmart for a bit food if I can get some additional help from mu husband. My son is out of control today and P had a rough start this morning. I am wearing down quickly with him this afternoon b/c I was so sick yesterday and am just not quite myself yet. I just had to tell him I assume he must be exhausted and needs some rest b/c he is acting out so badly today. I am not in the mood to deal with him and really just want him to shut up for a bit or at least know where he is. He is screaming in his room for now and we all have a bit of peace. The other children are even a bit tired of dealing with him for now.

Details about the new Technique

I am using a special hand held brush with tons of soft but firm plastic bristles and I run it over every inch of their arms, legs, and back. I use long slow strokes and am careful not to retrace any of the skin. I do 4 short strokes on the tops and bottoms of the hands and feet. I then do joint compressions 10 times for each of the following shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, ankles, and then the neck. I press firmly grasping above and below each joint and never pull the joints apart only push them together. Hope that was helpful.

Brushing Technique

We are back to our many appointments and I love how we can do them during the morning hours and have the afternoons free for other things. I see why large families decide to homeschool their children. I can not fit in all our appointments after school and so they are checked in and out alot.

OT evals are coming along and we are now implementing a brushing technique with D and A. I could not believe the difference in D and how she stopped bugging me so much. No more constant boo boos, rubbing on me, crying, or any other annoying behaviors. She heard her name when I called for her and she was able to focus on a 2 step request from me with heavy supervision of course. She is not so flaky and disoriented. I am shocked it happened so fast and worried it won't last. I can see how tiring it will be for me b/c I have to do this for several minutes every 2-3 hours per child. They love it and are reminding me way before the time. I will have to do this during the day when they return to school probably right before lunch. Great another trip to the school EVERY day. I swear I am gonna request a permanent name tag to save me from writing it out every time.

I have survived and a few

We began opening presents on Christmas Eve so we could spread them out a little. It did not work. I way over did it. They got everything they dreamed of and I became that horrible parent that I never thought I would be. I regretted several of the gifts fairly quickly. Karaoke machine, Heeleys, and in line skates b/c they have not stopped since they have been opened. P even slept in her skates and has had some sort of epiphany that she was meant to be a skater when she grows up. What? She falls constantly and really does not see that as an error but as a challenge. She skates around all the furniture , my In Laws home, and even uses the restroom in them.

B got the Heeleys and karaoke machine and I can deal with the skating around to some degree it is the screaming into the microphone that is bugging me a bit. She may be pretty, smart, and strong but carrying a tune ain't a strength she has. She believes she is the next Beyonce and has forced us all to listen to her over and over. Let me tell ya, you can only fake something so long. I have banned the machine to her room for practice b/c it interferes with the other kids play. LOL

Only one major meltdown, my son had to show his butt on the big day and I felt it coming and couldn't talk him down from the edge, he needed to blow. I eventually had to take him to the ground and restrain him in front of my mother and sister. We are all used to this and quite comfortable with this but my mom and sister felt hopeless and wanted to help. I just wanted them to back up and protect themselves from his kicking feet. My mother just left and my sister watched from the couch. He took awhile but managed to talk about how he missed his parents and hoped he wouldn't ruin his new toys. He was great after we talked and has been VERY careful with them. He even asked me to keep them in my room to protect them from him. He has come so ar, he will be fine with his toys. If he chooses to destroy them then that's ok, too.

He is 6 and wears pull ups every night and we noticed he wets them immediately after they are put on. Now we know he is just trying to protect himself. My husband was getting angry b/c he smells and does it right after he puts them on and we had a talk about how we understand now and it is ok to do it if he needs to. He was so surprised it was ok now and shocked when DH apologized to him for getting angry before. He can do it and wear them forever if he wants. All of the sudden he is self conscience about people knowing he has them. When he first came he was loud about them and did not care if anyone found out. He even told the people at the store they were for him. For $7 a month, he can wear them into college for all I are. I hope he is able to feel safe enough to stop someday but today is not the day.

We just took it easy today and played with the new stuff. It has been a great day,except a pipe broke in our garage and we had to shut the water off to the house until a plumber can get out here. Fun, fun.

The Kids are Gone

To Nanny and Papa's house for the night. They will be attending lunch with Papa's side of the family. Nice folks, well, some of them. Papa's mother is really self centered and down right rude at times. I have a hard time holding my tongue so we usually skip it. About 7 years ago she announced in front of about 50 people at Papa's birthday party, "OMG! You are getting so fat! You are gonna make your poor husband and those foster kids fat, too! You should do something about it!" At the time had gained about 10# and was wearing a size 10. I would give anything to be that size again. She is mean to her son, Papa, and he is kinda a jerk to think of it, too. He loves the kids and his dogs , that's it. He is a whole other story himself. The first time he ever spoke to me I had been married to his step son for over 2 years. He and I were getting Thanksgiving dinner in a buffet type style in his SIL's home and he just started telling a stupid joke. I looked around to see who he was talking to, I was dumbfounded he actually spoke but even more surprised it was to me. Did I mention he loves the kids? He is someone completely different with them, they have no idea he has no social skills.

You knew it was coming...

The after math of the "memory". It is here in full force but not from the child I expected. P has the memory and I fully expected her to rage, tantrum, smart mouth, or something. Nothing but lots of growth. She is talking about how she feels (w/o discussing the details of the incident) and she is respectful, thoughtful, and caring about her siblings and me. She continues to amaze me.

My son on the other hand does know that she has had a memory resurface about his parents doing something abusive to him but he has not been told any details or hints as to what that would be. For all he knows it was about how his parents spanked them too hard. He usually falls right to sleep and gets up several times but that has changed abruptly and he can't go to sleep. He is afraid of something and can't quite figure out what it is. He says that his mother used to wake him up and scare him but she was not mean to him so now he can't go to sleep. I think he is on the verge of remembering or perhaps he already does know and isn't telling us yet. He has had severe rages even for him and today made the top of the list and it was in Walmart. My other children were so upset b/c we went to the one near our home (I had been traveling a little to avoid this issue but since I felt we had done well lately I miscalculated the situation) and a couple of classmates watched me restrain him in the cosmetics isle. He screamed how mean I was, he hates me, I wasn't his mother, and on and on and on. After and hour or more I had to get my food and go so he had to be carried in a tight hold all through the check out line. He had kicked off his shoes and socks and looked homeless and very angry about it. The sweetest lady behind us was cooing to her baby and I wanted to cry. I missed that with him and that is why he is hurting so bad. I was sweating from holding a 40# boy for so long and she approached me to tell me I was a very good mom. She was impressed with my patience and ability to manage all 7 kids and wished she could take the stress from em for just a minute and let me know that. She made the horrible day a little better. I can do this, he is my son and he needs me to be strong. I felt like I was getting very frazzled but I guess ordering the other kids to pick up the slack for a minute looked well organized. Go figure.

He has to make this up to them and as I type he is cleaning like a trooper. He "loves" me again and willing to do anything I ask. The girls are at the movie with Dad and they are going to dinner after. He will be busy with all their chores all night and by my side snuggling after that. He is the best snuggler when he wants to be. So sad it's always on his terms unless I force snuggle time and get him giggling first then I have the control.

Another cool thing happened right after that meltdown at Walmart. We get in the van and of course he is still hollaring nasty things at me, picking at himself, and being just rude the entire way home. I have had enough by the time we were home and I checked the mail box for a moment to myself and I got a Christmas card from Jensboys. I was so taken back I burst into tears (ok the card was great but not tear worthy) she sent a picture of all her kids and a wonderful newsletter about her year. It made my entire day. Thank you, Jen, you continue to amaze me with your strength and shear willingness to put yourself out there for others. Your family is beautiful and inspiring. You had no way of knowing how badly I would need a pick me up at that moment but you had the best timing.

We are still moving and I am desperate to really start house hunting but my DH is freaking out about the church idea. Kids are loving it but he insists he could never be intimate again. I am thinking that's great, too, no more excuses. LOL

C's IEP was just located and she will start Pre K in a contained classroom in the public system 2 days a week in January. A little bus will come and get her and bring her home. She thinks that is so cool. She has not thought about the fact my leg won't be there for her to attach herself to. She will figure that out soon enough, for now we are getting her pumped up for "real" school. Her twin, A, is just starting the process of evaluations to qualify her for it and her needs are not physical so they will not be in the same class. The really bad thing is our home school does not offer Pre K or contained classrooms so I could potentially end up with 4 different elementary schools since D may have to change schools for a better suited program, too.

Great Weekend

What a great time we had. We have 2 birthdays this month, P and D turned 9 and 8 so we took them roller skating. I have not been on skates in 17 years and it took me about 5 rounds to get decent balance and help the others. B and P had been before but only B could do it but P thinks she rocks at it. She is thinking professional career, this from a child that can not walk a straight line due to some undx neurological issue. She is too cute, I refuse to ruin her dreams. The others barely could stand until the end and then all but C tried to go around on their own. C tied to skate but her feet turn in so badly and her legs have been hurting so much that after 15 minutes she asked to have tennis shoes back on. She loved watching and laughing at the kids fall.

We went to the therapist to discuss this horrible memory that P has and she was amazing. I can see real progress in her. I love to see how proud she is about telling me what her parents did. The therapist is of course a mandated reporter but I have no idea what will happen. She is the only child that remembers and she would never tell anyone else about this and it will be her word against his. She did for the first time ever say she was mad at them. That alone is huge for her.

Their CW called and I am going to meet her today for the gits and coats she has been promising them. I can't wait, I have done all the shopping already so some things may just get put back until birthdays later.

B is getting a mini (kids) camcorder, Heelys, clothes, and a karaoke machine. She was the most expensive and got the fewest gifts. I was so worried she would be upset I explained it to death. The rest of the kids are getting clothes and tons of toys. They are doing so much better with destroying things I think they are ready for a few nice things. They have been without for awhile and while I did go over board, I was careful to choose specifically what the child could handle. Most are educational and for group play so I am supper excited for the holiday and why is it taking so long???????

OT Evaluations

Well, I was thinking I needed some more weekly appointments in my life and decided to have the kids all evaluated for OT. Turns out I will get my wish.....B is fine, P and D have mild to moderate neurological issues, C and A have moderate neurological issues and probably dyslexia, and P, C, D, and A(girl) have sensory integration issues but my son, A, has severe auditory sensory integration issues. Sound like fun? I realized filling out the million and a half forms that my daughter E has a lot of those issues probably from prenatal exposure to Meth so now she is having an evaluation next week. She has always freaked out about water, her hair being brushed, loud noises, can't stand to get her hands dirty, blah blah blah. Great, she was feeling left out and now she can fit in. Some how it feels like we are taking steps backward with her but that is to be expected. I hope to get everyone on the right track next month after psychological evaluations and we can begin working towards a healthier family.

A Memory

My 8 almost 9 yr old had a sudden memory about her parents tonight and not a good one. She has been so dedicated to them and has fought us regularly about not wanting to be adopted b/c she loves them. It is b/c of this I am so upset for her, she was devastated and confused why she did not remember before. Her parents were violating her brother and she witnessed the entire thing. Of course no one else remembers but she says no one else was there. I am not in the least surprised given her father's extensive family history of incestuous sexual abuse. The Dad's sisters both claimed he had hurt them growing up and their father had been imprisoned for many years for it. We found it weird that the children had never claimed anything. She still wants to see him but said she understands only now why DFCS thinks they aren't safe at home. I see this is a huge step forward for her but expect to see lots of steps back before she accepts it.

We got Word

The kids' worker emailed mine and felt this 4 wheeler was a non issue b/c she was not transporting it. Ok, I understand but the parents are asking me and expecting me to so this. They are emailing me every day to see if I have gotten a response. I do not mind being the bad guy but legally I have to dance around a bunch of people to make any decision for the kids until we finalize.
I am going this weekend to see a church that is for sale that my realtor/friend thinks might really be an awesome idea for us to renovate as a home. It is really well priced b/c churches do not resale well and are usually bulldozed. I am thinking if it is decent it could be really cool. Think of how huge our living room would be. It has several large rooms that were used for offices and classrooms, a very large kitchen that would need updating, several bathrooms that would need showers installed but it would be cool to have his and hers. The parking lot holds 23 cars so they would have a place to ride their bikes. It has a couple of buildings on it that we aren't clear on, we hope one is suitable for my husband's reptile breeding and the other for storage or rec area. It is in the right area of town and I am getting a little carried away. It might be all wrong, but we shall see. (My hopes are a little high.)

Other than the church he has given us about 12 more houses that I really like. My husband is not so thrilled about the daily drive for the first year and is kinda being a pooper. He always comes around eventually and when we find a house he loves, the drive will be worth it.

No Word

Still no confirmation about the 4 wheeler but someone helped me out and showed me the Foster Parents Manual for my state. Guess what? They are allowed. Can you believe that they allow any age child to ride any all terrain vehicle with the foster parent's discretion? They won't allow FP to cut a child's hair but sure ride a vehicle that is meant for older people and had killed children. I can't even focus on that right now.

Holiday shopping is almost over and I want more. Now I have to focus on my baking and candy making for all the friends and extended family we give to. That's the part that exhausts me, the cooking. Cards have gone out and I need some things wrapped but almost done with the money part. Everything was in cash and no credit card bills to pay off next year.

We have begun looking for a larger house. It is painfully obvious that we need to go much bigger. Not to mention the acreage we need for out new 4 wheeler, not. We have 4 bedrooms and 2.5 baths but no basement. We are looking for 5 bedrooms and an unfinished basement in the "country". The farther out we go the more house for the money so out we go. I have to have a huge kitchen b/c I seem to live in there and need to be able to have a visitor occasionally. Our plan is to finish the basement into 2 more large bedrooms, bath, and a rec room. Yes, we will be adopting again and we have definitely decided another large sibling group with lots of boys in it. When or where is yet to be determined but we are planning now for another expansion in the future. We have not gotten our fill of door alarms and video surveillance equipment.

The Parent's Gift

I got an email last night from the kid's Aunt that the parent's bought the kids a 4 wheeler. At first I was mad. I thought they were crazy b/c they are homeless, jobless, and their van is always breaking down then I called the Aunt as she requested to tell her I have to see what DFCS thinks and hopefully put it all off on them. She is such a nice lady, the first thing she said was that she tried to convince them not to do it but they insisted. She would totally support us if we wanted to reject it. I explained I thought it was inappropriate for their age and we live in the city with no where to ride it but if DFCS said it was ok I would do it. We talked for an hour about the parents constant bad choices and how she was so happy we had the kids. She really misses them but she knows we will make good decisions for the kids and protect them.

Then she dropped the bomb, she thinks the parents are going to drop the appeal. She was feeling me out to be sure I will open the adoption and how the kids are doing w/o the family visits before saying what was on her mind. I was honest, the kids really worry about their parents. They want to be sure they are safe and have food. She wanted to know how open we would be. I told her I will not pin down a schedule and felt it would be slow with lots of weekly phone calls until we could establish a trusting relationship. We will do what is best for the kids even if it hurts every one's feelings. We discussed our relationship with Emma's Mother a lot. What our rules were, what we expected from her, how often we see her, and her role in our daughter's life. She was completely blown away and started crying. This is the best thing for their parents b/c we are so comfortable being honest and laying everything out. We do what we say and say what we mean. I see a great relationship with her in the future, we really click.

She was able to relate to the kids feelings of betrayal to their parents. She discovered as an adult that her Dad was her step dad and now has a relationship with her father as well. She had a great deal of guilt about finding him and caring for him and what that meant to her Dad. He approved and encouraged her but she still has a hard time with it. She vowed to help the kids deal with this issue and help the parents understand their role in this guilt. I feel that will help so much.

We laughed over C's choice for a name change. She is 4 and originally wanted to be Tinkerbell but has changed her mind now to Ella. We are still uncomfortable with them changing their first names and try to down play it. She refuses to answer to her name and insists on being called Ella. My DH has changed it to Smella due to her constant smelly emissions. It has stuck and this adorable child is now known as Smella in our home. Her Aunt thought it fit perfectly and loves it. She was very happy to hear they will all keep their current last names and add ours.

The Tree

After tons of dental exams, speech, OT evaluation, and the visit from the appraiser we managed to get homework and showers done with enough time to finish putting the ornaments on our tree. We had hot chocolate and were laughing and having a great time when the tears started. The youngest first and then the oldest. We sat down and talked about their feelings for a good half an hour. The holidays are bittersweet and we let them know this is normal. We asked them the things that they did at home and what made it feel like the holiday for them so we could do some of those things here. They are worried their parents won't have a tree b/c of so many years w/o one. This is the biggest one they have ever had and it's only 8ft tall. My oldest said it looked like a tree in the movies. Today I get to work on presents while the little ones sleep and before the older ones get home.

My CW just called and asked if I would speak to their current class of potential adoptive parents. This is a huge honor b/c they usually would not ask a family not finalized yet. I am so excited and can't wait. This is right up my alley. I have been involved in fostercare for years and say it through a child' s eye when I lived in a group home as a teen. I watched all the other kids w/o families and heard how they felt. I have worked with fostercare on some level my entire adult life and now we are adopting through it. It should be fun to see other adults not in a waiting room between therapy visits.

I had the appraiser out this AM at 8AM so we can refinance the house. I have Speech therapy at 11:30, then off to check out all my school age kids for back to back dental cleanings, and to the hospital for an Xray on B for the ENT. WOO HOO!!

D needs her bottom tooth fixed b/c she has chipped another tooth. She must have very fragile teeth and that means lots of future visits for her. I finally had the long awaited IEP meeting for D and again nothing happened. They did some more extensive testing and feel her IQ is actually a 56. Not what I wanted to hear! They are scheduling another meeting to place her. I mean come on, I don't have time for this many meetings for nothing to happen. Let's move forward, get this kid some help.

A had a great night last night and did some of his homework. Hopefully he will catch up over the weekend w/o too much screaming. His room is decent and he participated well with all of us. He is starting to pick out his own clothes at night is feels like a big boy. His OT evaluation shows he has auditory sensory and attention issues. I am hoping to get a grip on this stuff soon.

D's evaluation was what I expected, sensory issues and a lack of understanding anything the poor woman was saying. The therapist was so calm and sweet, D just doesn't get it.

Off to my day......

I went tto the dentist on Friday and he was able to save both teeth and refill them. It was close and he kept saying he was so sorry, that kinda freaked me out until he later explained. He was sorry my mouth was gona hurt so dog on bad. He is worried I might be back this week for 2 root canals. I wished for death about an hour after I left his office and had to ask him to call pain meds in. I am now back to eating soft foods and can read online now that I am off the meds. I kept getting dizzy and could not focus. But I am back.

The meds and pain also did something I was not prepared for, I doubted myself and the decision to adopt auch a large group of crazies. (I mean that in the most loving way, we all have a bit of the crazies but my kids have got a bit more than I had anticipated.) I knew the day would come but I was very upset at myself, I felt our life was hopeless and we would never be normal again. I missed the days alone with Emma and reminised about a quiet house and all the fun we used to have. I also told the kids in no uncertain terms that I have had it with the tantrums and how they slide right back in forgiven each time. I want an heart felt apology for each incident and will not give them the warm fuzzy me until they make restitution for their behavior. SO far so good. It may take them awhile but we are seeing it happen.

I have a booger eater that is driving me crazy. I swear she prefers them over cookies. I don't know what to do, it is embarrasing in public and her hands are gross. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

We are starting asessments on all the kids. They need them and I need to know what we are dealing with. OT started yesterday, the rest will happen soon.

D, broke another tooth so off to the dentist with all the kids for check ups tomorrow and hopefully fix her tooth , too.

The Rest of the Story

After the last post, we had to call the day at MGM short so I could try to find a dentist. I had 2 fillings fall out (one on each side) and after a few days it became difficult to eat or breathe, you know the important things. I could not find a dentist to see me before the holiday and ended up finding a physician that took pitty on me and prescribed antibiotics and pain medication. $250 later I was back at the parks and eating soft foods. My dentist here will see me Friday to fix this and my sweet husband told me to go ahead and get my teeth whitened at the same time, it's my Christmas present and I have been begging for months. I know, not your typical request for a gift but I really want it.

Back to the kids. They got better and even though they had a lot of little fits, they were easily distracted and pulled it together quickly. They mommy shopped the entire trip. It started to get on my nerves and combined with my pain, I was not the chipper positive me at the end. They broke the XBOX by putting a parental control on it and now we have no idea what the code is so we can not use it.

B, was pretty handsy with my nieces and they told her so and she was embarrassed. How else will she learn? She did handle it ok but it was hard for my niece to say something but she hated holding hands and being hugged CONSTANTLY. When we got back we discovered she had a major project due in 2 days and had known about it for a month. She finished it up and turned it in today so we will see. I did help more than I intended or should have so next time Dad is up.

P, kept complaining no one likes her or wants to play with her and that was unusual for her. She was pretty high strung so why would they. This child had a TV in her room and would not come out if allowed to watch it. She has handled getting back to school well.

D, is so hard to reach. She is so delayed and just does not get things. She pouted a lot and felt sorry for herself. She did not fit in with any of the kids and does not play with but around others anyway. She did get to speak to Crush from Nemo and did it in front of lots of people, she did well. I am trying so hard to bond with her but it is very hard. I have asked again to have them assessed for attachment therapy b/c we are making tiny steps but we need help.

A, is having a very difficult time readjusting for school. He has raged every morning and afternoon until bed for days. I am at a loss, I do not know what else to do. I know things will be back to our normal after I go to the dentist, let's hope we all survive until then. He has "lost" his homework notebook for the umpteenth time so he has tons of work to make up. He spent every moment he could on the XBOX and barely came up for air. He is a brave little booger in the pool and loved being thrown in, he would do double flips into the pool. My DH was exhausted from all the throwing and had to hide.


C, has been glued to my leg for weeks and frankly I want to scream. She is becoming possessive and aggressive over me. She did well on vacation and barely complained about the pain she was in. She had a hard time keeping up and loved having a stroller tote her. Her legs ached every night and had to be massaged but she did not complain. She is anxious for her new AFOs and asks about them all the time.


A, is a trip. She is trying so hard to stop biting her nails and asks me about every hour if they are long enough to trim. Her speech is so poor she is very difficult to understand but she is working so hard on it and making huge steps in that area. She has earned a special evening with Dad for her great behavior. She was very rude to DH the first few months b/c she did not know how or when to joke and got herself into lots of trouble with DH. She does not show that attitude as much anymore and enjoys spending time with him now. She loved the vacation and while the extended family does not understand her she handles it so well. She thinks it is them not her and will talk down to them when she has to repeat herself too many times. She had us all cracking up.

Disney

We are here and I will have to keep this short b/c I can here them rumbling in their beds. I promise to finish later.

Our villa is the most beautiful thing ever! Only problem, the owner did not pay the gas bill so no hot water, pool heat, or clothes dryer! So that was all fixed last night and although the guy is a jerk, the home is gorgeous! The younger kids think we live here now and this will be our new life, you know day after day of amusemnet parks, eating out, and swimming all night. It took a few days to realize they had this impression and now they are mad at me for ruining their lives.

We have been to Epcot and Animal Kingdom and will go to MGM today. We started off with the most boring and every day will get better. Lots of tantrums, you know the kind. At home I feel we are doing so much better and this has been a glimpse into reality. Living with them day to day, we have gotten used to avoiding certain things and how to minimize certain behaviors but this is a free for all and they feel out of control no matter how close I keep them. The are actually doing well about bringing it back down a notch but I see how disturbed my children really are and I had to take a moment last night to cry in the bathroom. The look normal, can even pretend to be normal for short periods but they are not and all this fun has highlighted that for me. I felt guilty for using the Guest Assistance Cards here and quickly realized, we are what they are for. I guess I had hoped we were beyond some of this or maybe I am just used to this. That card has saved us. We do not wait at any attraction, we walk up show the card and get on. Unbelievable! The kids see all these pwople waiting in lines (it's one of the busiest times of the year) and remarked why don't they just go in this way? Uh, b/c we are emotionally challenged and Disney doesn't want us near their guests in case you freak out and start kicking people? Well, that's what I was thinking but just told them we have connections and are special guests.

SO much more so little time. I will try to finish tonight.