I have had a very busy week. It began with what I thought would be a routine doctor visit with the ENT for Cyr. She had mentioned her ears were bothering her but not in an earache way. When it came up twice in a month, I set an appointment. Five of my children from that group rarely complain of illness or aches and pains. It varies between them but can be as extreme as my son has never admitted to being sick. No headaches or stomach aches. He has vomited but like his sisters, he covers it up with his pillow or hides it in the laundry. The RTC called last week to tell me he had strep. When I asked for details, they told me they had only tested him because so many in the unit had it. When they checked him out, he had a fever and a very nasty throat. They were amazed he hadn't mentioned it.
So when I heard something about Cyr's ears a second time, I took her in. They said he rears were clear and there was nothing visible that could be causing her any discomfort. They asked a few questions about dizziness and she admitted she felt it after she heard ringing sometimes. They did a hearing test and came back in the room with a brief comment about "significant loss in both ears". Having no idea what that meant, her and I bantered back and forth a bit about hearing aids and surgery to drain the ears.
After almost 30 minutes the doctor and nurse came back in to go over the results. He seemed a little nervous and the nurse wasn't making eye contact, at first. He mentioned "significant hearing loss in both ears". I asked what we needed to do, fully expecting him to suggest meds for fluid or further testing. The nurse walked behind him and got a brochure for me. He looked at me and said, "We need to see her in a week to have her fitted for hearing aids." Cyr and I both looked at each other and laughed. We had not expected that.
The next part of the brief conversation was me pressing for a number. I needed to hear the percentage of loss. I'm thinking 10-20% but he told me her good ear had lost 50% or more and the other ear was worse. I know our mouths were open. How did we miss this? She said she had been feeling an urge to look at people's lips when they spoke to her but it didn't occur to her that she couldn't hear them. She is fine at home but my hubby has severe hearing loss so the TV is loud and we are loud to help him avoid the same kind doctor appointment. She is a soft spoken child and so no one else noticed.
It has been quite a shock to her. She is strong and will be fine but she has been unusually emotional since. We have been talking about it and she is coping much better than I expected. The biggest let down is she won't be able to join the service. She had been banking on that to get away from her siblings. She is much less concerned with the aids themselves. In this process, my hubby has agreed to have his hearing tested and look into aids. It is a miracle, folks. A real life miracle. All it took was his little girl crying over a brochure and his need to fix kicked in. Before he new what he said, he offered to join her in this journey. We are going to make him honor that promise.
I mentioned Cyr was a little emotional. It popped up again on Friday night. Patches had been struggling for about 48 hours over an IEP meeting. She had been caught in a few not so true statements and she had made herself believe them. Our meeting shattered her reality and she focused on me. The police were called out Thursday night because she was making threats against me. She verbally attacked the wonderful officer but made no real threats she he couldn't do anything. She was awful at school on Friday and came home crappy. We catered to her a bit by separating the kids from her when she tattled.
At bed time she wanted to sleep in the little girls' room and was told no. That led to threats of killing herself. After some discussion trying to calm her, she began to hit me repeatedly. I had to hold her hands down. Once she began to kick me, Cyr grabbed her legs. Patches is becoming too strong for me when she is psychotic and her hands slipped out. She got a few swings in and Cyr lost it. She jumped up and into Patches face. I heard her scream like she has never done before. She told her to stop hurting her Mom. Quickly realizing she was out of control, she refused to hold her legs and yelled at me she was having her arrested. Cyr entered the area in the LR that the kids were sitting watching cartoons and terrified them by simply having emotions that strong.
The police showed up and my hubby and I had finally restrained her safely. He handcuffed her so I could get up. She admitted to attacking me. I had obvious scratches and bruises so he insisted on filing charges against her for battery. He took her in the back of his car to the hospital. I calmed the kids before I joined them there. Of course, I'm skipping so much of the details but you get the jest of it. She was 1013'd again. She will be home in a few days and we have started the process of admitting her to the same hospital my son is in.
Life, for my children, is exhausting. She is a fantastic kid. Most of the time, she really wants to fit in and feel a part of our family. Then these moments she fears she may be rejected or in trouble, she lashes out at us first. At 13, she is now involved with the juvenile system here. Therapy, medicine, and will alone haven't helped. Our last hope is that a big scary judge will help her take a moment to use the coping skills she knows so well but refuses to use when she needs them. Violent, aggressive, paranoid, and delusional. I fear for her future. She deserves to be happy and feel love. I will never give up trying to prove that to her.