Thursday, June 16, 2011

Day 2

I kinda skimmed right over what happened to our family that caused me to stop blogging. I'm sure most of you heard through the grapevine that we were accused of all kinds of things. Stupid things. What it boils down to is they were untrue. We stopped fighting for the 3 kids that were taken from us because the stress in the house became too much.

The county wanted them in another adoptive home and were willing to make up lie after lie to cover their butts. They had placed the kids here after a home inspection and background check with the intention of reopening our home to adopt them. We tried for months to get our county to follow through with what the other county started. They dropped the ball the kids were here 5 months without ever opening our home. Lots of rules and guidelines were broken and we began to see them back peddle.

All of the sudden, they had to remove the kids. First they blamed our other kids issues. When we proved we had things under control it changed to lies about drug use, poor health, and no job. We provided proof those were not true. Then they came up with potential psychological abuse caused by my blog. This came up in court and the supervising sw couldn't find any thing in my blog that would do that and claimed it was a feeling. She also stated I complained I was overwhelmed every day and posted that. We provided a copy of the blog and neither her or the Judge could find that I had said that more than a few times over a period of 4-6 weeks. Any one would be frustrated with so many kids and ones with high needs. I would go as far as parents of regular old kids with no issues get tired during the course of their parenting career. It happens. It doesn't mean we want to quit or need to have our kids taken.

In the middle of all this, our attorney asked why they felt the 3 kids were in danger but not the others. That ignited a spark in their county that led to a report being filed against us with our county. They had felt the need to remove our 3 children without notice because they were in such danger but waited weeks before checking on the ones that were legally ours once they found out we had a lawyer and refused to let them in without her presence. Once in, they didn't seem to understand the reason they were there. She did her job of seeing htge kids, talking to them, and looking around but we knew before she left that their attorney would be making this go away. There was no reason for this this visit. We were asked to remove their facebook pages that were not even under their real names and not post anything about them specifically. That was it. They had no issues with anything else.

We were offered a written apology for the way they behaved and treated us but refused to place the children with us since they had been moved to another adoptive home and our county refused to open us. The other county had the option of opening us but they were already in too deep to back off. The catch was we couldn't tell you about the letter. We declined.

It has been tough trying to move on after all that. Depression hit me hard. I have worked through it and slowly have returned to my old self. I will never forget those kids and they will always be a part of our family whether we are able to reconnect or not.

I understand some people read this blog and thought I was bitching and moaning about my kids. They think I chose to parent them for money or that this is some kind of business. I want this to be perfectly clear. I love my children, each one, regardless of their behaviors. I work hard to help them overcome them and heal from their pasts. They are well aware of my blog and have received numerous emails from readers that have found comfort, learned something, or were able to better understand their own pasts or their new children better. My children have found a great deal of relief to know they are not alone, pride that they are able to help others and it has been therapeutic to see their own progress over the years. I share what I share because I know there are other families with similar issues. They are in hiding because society says they should be ashamed of what has happened to them or the illnesses they have. My children have no reason to be ashamed. They are fantastic kids that have worked so hard to move past all that crap. It hasn't been easy on any of us. We have worked hard to include any and all safe family members in their lives and ours. We spend all of our attention, money, and energy on them. They are our world.

Sometimes I need a break from that world. I vent here, I spend time alone with my husband, I chat with a friend, or veg out in front of the TV for a little bit. They can't help they need so much patience or time. It is hard to remember that when they are lashing out at me with all the anger they have stored up for their abusers. It's hard not to take this all personally. It's even worse for them when they realize what they've done or said to me. They want to be here. They want to feel better. They want me to know they really care. It just doesn't come out that way sometimes. After all the hospitalizations one thing has been clear to all of us. They want to be a part of our family and be in our home as much as we want them here. It is our main priority after maintaining safety for everyone. We are a family not a business.

I could go on and on. I won't today.

11 comments:

My name is Andy. said...

glad to see you back, but I'm so sorry that it had to go the way it did. Hang in there! You are one awesome Mom!!

GB's Mom said...

You tell 'em. Counties can be so stupid! Glad you are back.

Gail Underwood Parker said...

Welcome back! What a challenging, discouraging, heartbreaking time this has been for you. I am so so sorry that you had to go through this and hope that it will continue to resolve or that you will be able to find stolen moments of peace amidst the chaos and upset.
I have some experience with kiddos like that and know how challenging it can be. Hang on!
Gail Underwood Parker
www.upbeatsanddownbeats.blogspot.com

Nichole said...

You've been doing what's best for the kids now and always. Don't let what happened make you question yourself. The person that failed them was the social worker.

vicsens said...

Welcome back, Tudu. I've missed you.

robyncalgary said...

So very glad you're back <3

Lindsay said...

For what it's worth I am glad you are back blogging. I'm so sorry you lost the other kids. I hope your family can continue to heal.

Wendy said...

OMG have I missed you! You are honest and open and come across as a passionate Mother who shares her life to help others. You have willingly taken on kids who are considered too damaged by others to even try and help them. You have made a HUGE difference in their lives and in the lives of many other families. I, for one, LOVE YOU!!!!!!

QueenB said...

Wow. So glad you are back! Continuing to pray for you and your family, and the 3 other children. You were missed!

Frankity said...

I'm glad to see you back, too! You are one of the fiercest, most talented mothers I know. I'm sorry for all you've been through.

Marthavmuffin said...

So happy you are back here! I know it's been so hard. You are to be commended for your fortitude and those kids will love you always (all of them!)