I will survive!

My son is driving me crazy, he spent the entire afternoon acting a fool. He had the nerve to hit me and kick me in the stomach after he threw all his stuff down the stairs again. I had him pack it all up after the kids went through it and took what they wanted. He struggled this morning but I kept being really sweet and he eventually just made up a story in his head and ran upstairs to his room. He told D (she is in her room b/c she still refuses to pick up the clean clothes) I told him B hated him. WTF? The last things I was saying to him was to come sit with me and I would keep him warm.

I can't do this alone anymore. I need to hire help, now to save this family. My health and sanity are in jeopardy. I can't really afford to hire anyone but I no longer have a choice.

I am keeping things down today for the first time. My medicine makes me nauseous and to top it off, it smells like feet. I burp the feet smell, too. You would think with all the advancement in medicine, they would be able to make all medicine taste nice and have a coating on it to help it go down. Is this too much to ask?

Today I have been able to eat a couple of bites at a time of a cookie, banana, and craved a root beer. WOO HOO! I am on my way to kicking some booty around here.

The Doctor Visit

I was convinced that I would have taken the kids to the doctor a long time ago if they felt half as bad as I did. If Mama's not happy ain't nobody happy was thrown in my face repeatedly, as well. I have not eaten since last Friday and am struggling to drink due to extreme pain in my stomach when I do. Turns out the kids have been slowly torturing me and I believe it is a form of attempted murder. LOL The stress headaches that I have had for months (since they moved in) have lead me to increase my ibuprofen intake and in turn has caused several stomach ulcers. Just great! So I take my little prescription to the pharmacy and I am taking 4 kinds of meds, 2 of each, 4 times a day for 14 days plus another one 2 pills twice a day indefinitely. Now that would not be so bad IF I COULD EAT OR DRINK! By the time I get a round down I have to start again. I can barely talk b/c the inside of my mouth is completely covered in canker sores and is very swollen, not a square centimeter is left untouched by the horrible things. They are so severe b/c my immune system was so compromised by the ulcers that I never actually had the flu, it was all from these stupid ulcers. I have managed to somehow get strep and am lucky I went to the doctor when I did b/c my throat only became sore that day and I assumed it was canker sores in my throat or something.

I think somebody should pay for this and it should not be me. Hmmm, who could it be? My son? Sounds good since this is directly linked to him and his poor choices. Too bad I can't really charge DFCS for it due to the lack of stability in his life since he has been in care. Afterall, that is what causes his RAD. OK, I am done complaining and back to getting my kids' lives back on track.

They have been more psycho than usual b/c I have been so sick. My son took a shower for the first time in 3 days and I an thrilled to smell a clean boy instead of a urine soaked one. D has not eaten dinner in 2 nights b/c she chooses not to eat and blames me for not feeding her. The plate was on the table and had food on it but I refuse to feed her? I am confused or maybe she is, perhaps she thought the food was for our ghost. She has struggled in the past with the need to control food so I know we will get past this or she will end up in the hospital with a drip, her choice. I am taking the calm approach to our lives from now on. I am giving up all the power and giving them 2 choices, the choice I want them to make or a really horrible option. LOL It will all be up to them.

Stay tuned to see who will win......The Psycho Kids or The Starving Mother!!!

I am alive, barely.

I have been gone a few days and will probably need a few more to get my wits about me. I went to bed Saturday night feeling kinda bad and have not been able to sit up for more than a few minutes since. I have managed to catch the flu and it had to happen on a weekend I had all my nieces here. I have never been so sick and due to my wonderful children freaking out b/c I am down, I have been unable to properly care for myself and managed to become dehydrated twice to the point my DH gave me an hour or he was calling an ambulance. That was just what my kids needed, another ambulance to get Mom. I just was unable to keep medicine or liquid down and got to the point I worried I couldn't keep trying. Pretzels did the trick and I was able to hold down a nibble here and there and eventually liquid. I really should have gone to the hospital but with all the kids the only way to get there was an ambulance or have them all in the waiting room tearing it apart.

This is the first time my fever has dropped below 100 and since it is the middle of the night and quiet, I thought I would update you guys. I can tell a few more of my kids are falling prey to my nightmare and I am so weak I had to sit down half way up the stairs so I anticipate I will need a bit longer to gather myself.

I was alone with the kids all day Monday since they were out of school. It went well until the afternoon, the sicker I got the worse they got. Today D and A were not much better. The tantrums and trashing things is almost too much and I considered respite until I am better. If I do not continue to get better, it will be my only option b/c I can't protect them or the others in this shape. They have trashed my house beyond recognition. I got up a little while ago and looked around for the first time in days, not good. I have traveled from my bed to the couch and that's it for days. I was oblivious to my surroundings until now. They are going to hear about it as soon as I can holler.

C ran around upstairs and pulled her panties down for D and A when they were supposed to be cleaning up their rooms. She is becoming a pill, her tantrums have increased lately to almost daily and she kicks her braces against the floor for the most annoying sound ever.

B has been a real help and I will be doing something nice for her soon. She is used to being in the mother role and happily picked it back up these last few days. She is really upset about possible respite for the kids but she would also be glad for the peace and quiet for a few days. She claims the real torture for them would be the return when I am better. LOL

I have the Flu

I am very sick and the kids are being great little caretakers. I'll have to update later.

Lots to Update

Things are not going well here. I hate to give to many details but my girls are saying things to the therapist that have caused enough concern for him to request a plan be in place for my son if or when I need him removed. My agency is getting right on it. The girls are unhappy about the way he treats me. I knew they were upset with him but I had no idea that it was concern for my safety. I feel I still have a grip on things but I want to be sure the girls fell safe over the fact I feel ok.

We are having an emergency IEP meeting about my son next week and hopefully he will be pulled out of a regular class and put in an emotional behavior class. The teacher is starting to feel the same way. I am thrilled she is seeing things and sad my son is making an ass of himself in front of the school. He is now telling stories about "bad boys" beating him up on the playground and in the hall. No one has ever seen them and he has never been able to point them out or show a bruise. Friday he came home with scraped knuckles that we took pictures of b/c he claimed it was from a fight but it looked like he rubbed them on concrete to me.

D is doing well in her new school. B is healing well and back to school. Emma is sick of my son right now but loves the girls. The twins have been driving me nuts over the last two weeks and I guess what is most upsetting is I expect more from them. Both are hitting and throwing tantrums that they are struggling to recover from. P has been stealing from school, just small amounts of money but still stealing.

I am listening to 3 raging tantrums as I type....Calgon take me away!!!!

B had her tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears on Friday. All went very well. She was great the first day but has had additional pain every day. We were told the pain should reach it's height between 5-7 days and she will be home from school for 10 days.

My son has reached an all time high in poor behavior. He is really working my nerves today and I am concerned this will go on for years to come. I am anxious to see the final report from the Psychologist next week. I know he wants to be good but something sets him off every day (several times each day) and he will hit or throw something at someone. Today he broke our little heater in the living room, threw and broke a cup, poured hot chocolate on the sofa and stained it horribly, hit me with his shoe, scratched me from the elbow to my hand and tore a nice chunk of skin off, hit 4 of the 6 girls, and broke the fireplace screen by throwing a skate at it. That is his damage from 4 PM to 7 PM, just a short time and a ton of damage. He spent the night with my MIL and all the girls except B, she needed the house to be calm and so it was just the 2 of us for until 4 PM. He was required to do all the girls chores tonight to make up for the hitting and he will have more chores to make up for the damage he did to the house and me. The sad thing is my husband is starting to get frustrated with him. It takes alot for that to happen and I know he will get over it but I am worried my son will not get the help he needs to heal.