Friday, January 06, 2012

Time Is Flying By

The holidays went so much better than I expected. We had friends here for about 2 weeks and it was stressful with 18 people in the house. We survived. Kids loved their gifts and not a single complaint about who got what.

We finally got my son registered and in school The school appointed him his very own para pro. They hired him just for my son and without my suggestion. They wrote up an incredibly detailed safety plan for him, too. I'm pretty impressed with them, so far. The AP took me aside and confessed her background is Special Ed and the kids with the emotional issues have always been her passion. He's doing well this week and even magically overcame his fear of the dark to catch his bus alone. It's a miracle. LOL

My curly headed lovely went in front of a Judge on Tuesday for 2 counts of battery against me and criminal trespassing for kicking holes in our wall. The Investigator was firm but kind and she followed her directions well when she spoke with the Judge. She held her head up and made eye contact. Considering I suggested it and she shut down even more, I was tickled she managed to hear the Investigator and follow through with it. She received 2 years Probation and can be let off in 6 months, if she isn't running around and violating it. I'm thinking this is something she can handle because they made all the conditions reasonable. I have high hopes for her and think an outside source is the key for her. At the rate she was going, a parole officer was in her future so getting to know the juvenile probation dept isn't as horrible as it sounds. This way, if she chooses to learn from the experience, she will have a clean record as an adult. It's not the end of the world.

My anxious little 10 yr old became a woman last month. I just received a call from the school clinic that she started her cycle again. She has the pain tolerance of a sick husband. She wanted to get out of PE and let me know she was suffering. I'm hoping this isn't going to be a pattern that she feels the need to call me every month from school, just to keep me informed. I can certainly wait until after school.

The twins are 10 today!!! My sweet little girls are growing up. We barely acknowledge birthdays here to minimize their emotions. We let them choose dinner and dessert. They receive a small gift and I sing every chance I get to them. Once a year we celebrate all their birthdays with our big carnival. Ella chose TV dinners and Ava wanted Spaghetti Os. Nasty but we will manage. The both wanted their own pint of ice cream instead of a cake. So easy for me! Both girls are doing great in school and are starting to develop friends that they see out of school. It's a great thing to watch.

Speaking of son told his therapist that I don't let him talk on the phone or have his own cell. While some parents might feel the need to become defensive, I laughed. I admitted I may be holding him back but offered I'd be happy to allow him if he could tell me the name of one friend. He stuttered a bit and babbled some crap about he has friends at school and so on. I asked for a name. nothing. The therapist was barley holding her grin back as we bantered back and forth. In the end, I suggested he have them write down the names and numbers of his friends and I would gladly help him call them. He knew there was nothing else do deny or accuse me of but tried one last time. "You won't let them come over." I praised him for his effort and walked away. I looked back and even though his head was down, he was smiling. Little Booger!

Kiki is Kiki. She spent the night at my sisters last week and her sisters the week before! Shocked and amazed is about all I can say. She even called me to tell me here sister, Emma, was acting like a baby but she was not and she had to go.

Ruthie has always had a lot of somatic symptoms. People with anxiety usually do. We see it in Emma, as well. The stress of the house over the last couple of weeks has taken it's toll on her. She is physically drained. She isn't doing much outside of laying on my bed and watching TV. I thought she had come down with something until I started questioning her about her feelings. It was stress. As she is talking about her feelings, the aches and illness are slowly going away.

My oldest had a heck of a vacation. I won't go into details but think it is important to share how she is discovering things about herself. She is very insightful and brave. She has had boundary issues with boys and I have written about them several times. It isn't uncommon in girls that have been sexually abused to struggle with them as they reach their teen years. She is no exception. Until this point, she hasn't been able to look at herself from any other view. I asked her this week to think about WHY she is having such a hard time saying no to boys. I know the answer but she hasn't been able to believe it. She defends the boys and even her actions. This time was different. It's not that the boys are horrible and make her. They do what boys do and pressure, a normal teen thing. She quietly told me in her room last night how she hasn't had a choice in the past and doesn't know how to say it now. HUGE!

It is no secret, we are all aware of the terms flight, fight, or freeze. More often than not, children being sexually abused "freeze". This sets them up to "freeze" when confronted with sex in their teen years and into adulthood. It's not that they aren't feeling good or that they don't want to do it. Their brains freeze up. They fall into the same feelings they had before, they have no choice. If they just do it and get it over, it will be better. The flip side to this is they try to recreate sex situations by being in control of the act. They can be the aggressor. They are just trying to recreate that situation and change the ending. They do not want to be the victim. They end up being called sluts by their peers. She was already coming to some of these conclusions on her own but when I laid it out for her, it was a big moment for her. She agrees that she needs to get her rear back into therapy and work through this.

She shared some things with me that I wish were shocking but having listened to their histories of abuse, I wasn't surprised, at all. I will say that I had to make a phone call today that wasn't fun. I had to report her latest allegations against her father and former foster dad. Pieces of shit is what they are. I'm sure nothing will be done to her father since he will never see the light of day and it will boil down to her word against his. I will be following through with making sure the foster home is closed.

I always knew that we would never know the entire story of the abuse they all endured but to hear this 5 1/2 years into claiming them as my children is kinda freaking me out that is so much more to hear.

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