We have a new behavior. Well, it's not new but the reason is new. Michael needs to be in control of everything. It's really sad to watch him ruin his day with constant arguing. One of his new ways is to hate everything I serve for any meal. It doesn't matter what it is, he hates it, refuses to eat it, and begins trying to get me to let him eat something else. When you have a large family, you serve one meal for everyone. Our rules are eat what you want and don't be rude if you don't want it. He has NEVER turned down food, any food. The boy ate chocolate covered bugs, he will eat anything. Now he hates everything and begins digging in the fridge calling out alternatives. I've basically ignored it and calmly said no to every option. He eventually starts sobbing and screaming we won't let him eat. We repeat he can choose to eat or not and it is fine with us and walk away. You'd think that would be all but you are wrong. He continues to scream, sob, and becomes destructive. Eventually, he will eat 2 or 3 helpings of the horrible crap I tried to pull off as a meal. It's getting old. Last night, we had to restrain him because he was becoming unsafe because he "hates macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, corn, and ice cream" that the birthday girls requested for their dinner.
Another fun one that we are seeing is in the morning. With Michael and Patches both, you have to be very clear with their rules. You can not have any variations, no exceptions, EVER. If you do, it changes it forever. She will yell that I am breaking the rule trying to keep it the same. He can't follow the rule and tries to always do the exception. I'll give you an example of each, I have many to choose from.
Michael has a strict rule that he is supposed to stay in his room in the morning until I shut off his alarm. I made an exception that he can come to my room to shower IF he wets. Now that was the mistake I made. Now he has something to work with. He comes out of his room multiple times a morning before I am out of bed. Sometimes it is to shower for 30 minutes in my bathroom because he is wet. He will also shower downstairs without telling me. He checks to see if I am awake. He comes out to get toys. He showers for no reason other than he is bored. For those of you that do not have mentally ill children or do not know his back story, it is not safe for him to be out of his room. Let your minds wander and assume it is 10 x worse than that. He can not be unsupervised.
Patches is different but equally irritating. I have made it clear to the kids that certain things they threaten will force me to call the police. There are times I can not immediately call them like if she gets too out of control and has to be physically restrained. Usually, that restraint will allow her to let out all her anger and then she is calm and completely safe. At this point, she won't be accepted into the hospital and she doesn't need to go. She will turn on me later saying I don't love her because she didn't go to the hospital the last time she was aggressive. The whole "you don't love me because" is a game she plays with me constantly. She adds up anything she can manipulate and uses it the next time she gets upset. It rarely makes any sense to anyone else but is very real to her. It is proof that I hate her. She refuses to remember how I was calm and loving when I explained how she had gotten things under control and was safe , only that I didn't do what I said.
Someone is currently sobbing like someone killed her baby because her sister touched her shirt when she was cleaning up the shelf it was on. I'm not making this up. Now try to convince them it might be something other than the shirt will be difficult. I think we should play relay parenting. Tag, your it. Good luck!
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4 comments:
My Hope plays games like your Patches. I wish we lived close enough to tag team!
We don't love or want to be near Sunshine because we made her finish school before she got lunch AND we won't let her bring her food into the living room and eat with the bowl sitting on her mom's shoulder talking with a full mouth into said mom's ear.
Augh - I am really not alone in this... My dd made me feel like every freakin word out of my mouth was being analyzed and disected and that every interaction with her became a "test" as she got older. We got her at age 2 and she seemed to be just fine (aside from regular kid stuff and possible ADD) from ages 2-14 - we were very, very wrong. The older she got, the worse her mental deterioration showed. She and her two bio siblings (adopted at the same time at 9 mos and newborn) all have the same issues, just to different degrees. We too, have to keep everything EXACTLY THE SAME every day, every week, every month, every year. God forbid I say yes the 87th time my son asks for the something, because then it's a given that he has free reign forever and I'll never say no again! It's amazing the things my kids will continuously ask permission for (interrupting constantly to ask for a drink of water or permission to use the bathroom - ????) and yet the things they don't ask permission for astound us all.
The over reaction is all too familiar here too. There are so many things they gripe at each other about and drag us into that are absolutely nothing and should never even be mentioned AT ALL. I spend an awful lot of time asking kids if I really need to know something they're dying to tattle about. They're always very convincing that it's really important and it ends up being something stupid like their brother isn't sitting completely back in his seat in the van and is breathing too loud or something equally odd.
I could do an entire post on the damn tattling! It's exhausting and pointless. LOL
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