Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Coming and Going

We had hoped to have all the kids home by the end of the month. That's not looking like it's going to happen. He will still be coming but someone is making it clear she needs RTC. She is impossible to live with. Her anger outbursts aren't making any sense to us. she is scaring her siblings and that was the turning point for us. She can treat me horrible and I can take it. They shouldn't have to. They don't want to.

We have always thought that Patches wouldn't have a lot of boy issues since she can't stand to be touched. She is mean to the boys she had crushes on so far and seems to go out of her way to hurt their feelings. We have compared her to a praying mantis in love. That has changed.

She has found herself attracted to a smart bad boy. He has convinced her no one can make her do anything at school or home. He lays his head down at school so she does. He told her he is in a gang, does drugs, and dates older girls. She is smitten. She can't say his name without smiling. She doesn't even realize she is smiling.

Yesterday, she told us she was threatened with out of school suspension because she wouldn't leave the class while he was having a violent outburst. She was in danger. She didn't care. She was grinning from ear to ear the entire story. Trying not to tickher off, I remained quiet. Her sister told her that was ridiculous. We quickly moved onto picking up Emma and heading to the park.

All went well until it didn't. I'm not sure where I went wrong. We ran through the grocery store and she began trying to irritate the kids. When one of them finally said she was making them mad, she replied that I was making her mad. She continued and eventually, I had to step in. All I asked was what I could do differently that wouldn't bother her. That's it. Then she began with the hate stuff. We headed home. She calmed. I knew she was on the edge and offered to do her chore, of she would apologize. For the next 3 hours, we had to listen to her scream about how I'm a witch and gay. We ignored. We ate dinner. Hubby came home. She quieted but got sneaky. Made stupid threats that forced me to physically monitor her. Eventually, she threw her dirty socks in my face and raised her arm to hit me. My hubby took 2 giant steps and she put it back down.

I'm so stressed about her that I was up at 3:30 am. Can't sleep. That is nothing remarkable in itself but irritating. Her behaviors get crazy every Fall. Every year prior, I've spent my time trying to figure out her triggers, her trauma events, how to help her feel better, and make her life happier. Things are different this year. I'm going to focus the kids that are working hard and help make their lives better by having her admitted to a RTC. Its past time. I love her and want what best for her. We are all running out of patience. Time for a family time out.


Acceptance with Joy said...

Wow. Sorry. Hope she gets what she needs.

GB's Mom said...


Anonymous said...

went to an awesome training on the brain last month. in it, the p-doc said that mothers literally "download" a part of their brain to their baby in utero so that whatever stresses her stresses them. like, forever. that explains why Bubba, without even knowing that his mom is wiggin', will also wig at home. maybe it's the same for Patches.

her triggers? who knows. it could be something about the way the light changes or the smell of the air in fall. it could be anything or nothing. you may never know.

hang in there. hope you find some peace soon.

Vickie said...

Have you ever heard of trauma-versary? I have done foster care and adopted several kids as well. My kids will act out, test again, about the time they were taken into care (mainly the older ones that remember their past). We've had to learn to make those trauma-versaries happy memories to try and get past the trauma. It has worked pretty well. You mentioned she acts up every fall....was she taken into custody in the fall? If you know her trigger times, be prepared with some simple happy times. No sleepovers, nothing new or dramatic during that time period. Play games. Laugh ALOT. Lots of happy smiling pictures. Be together so she doesn't have to worry that she's losing the family. Hope that makes sense.

Praying she finds her "happiness" and that she settles done sooner rather than later :)

God's Blessings ~ Vickie

Kate said...

So sorry to hear about Patches. :(