My son made a big butt out of himself today in the therapist's office. He never slowed or stopped talking about nothing. He managed to get in no less than 7 digs into me, trying to hurt my feelings. (He didn't) Stopped playing only to walk over to me and fart quietly and walk back over to play across the room. (He didn't think we would notice) He got up in their face and wouldn't give them appropriate boundaries. Trashed all the toys and couldn't remember how to pick them up. Couldn't think of one nice thing to say about me, even after some prompting. Made up whoppers the entire time he spoke. He refused to look at anyone, insisted on staring at my shoulder or the picture on the wall. I know some of you experienced moms of traumatized kids are thinking, "Hmmm. That sounds familiar."
It was blatantly obvious. I'm not sure what hid it from me before. Maybe the connection to his GGma? He seems to have a connection to her. Not anyone else. Those examples alone are not the reason for my pause. He also has the worst impulse control of any child I've met. I assumed it was ADHD. I know with a couple of my other kids, they were dx'd with ADHD and it was RAD. I think this may be the issue here, too. He is obsessed with scary movies with lots of blood and gore. I dismissed it as being a boy thing. I've never met a boy that sneaks to watch trailors of scary movies or hounds their parents constantly to watch them or talks about them as much as he does. Tonight I asked him to lather up with soap and shampoo and call me in to check (because the boy stinks every day). I gave him exact instructions with what to use, how, and even where. He called me in and he was covered in conditioner from head to toe. Really? He knows what soap is. He had to be in control. He is in a constant state of conflict over power and control. Add to these things, no real friends, low self esteem, pooping and peeing all over our house, learning disabilities, difficulty with affection, no understanding of cause and effect, stealing, and being destructive. What are we looking at? ATTACHMENT
All I keep thinking is why me? Craptastic, folks. Another kid to drag into feeling my love. I will do it. Make no mistake, I am glad he is my son and I am up for the challenge. I had just hoped we would all have an easier ride. Anna seems to be so much easier to feel love and affection. She seems to want to be loved and belong to a family. He is fighting me tooth and nail. I was so excited when he said he loved me the other day. I have a sneaky feeling he was pulling my chain.
I sat him down tonight and invited him to take as long as he wanted but I would be here with enough love for both of us. Of course, he asked me 20 inappropriate questions during this conversation and stared at my shoulder. LOL I warned him that the harder he pulled, the stronger I would become. I'm sure he'll accidentally leave me a poop present outside my door and have no clue what I'm talking about when I bring it up. I can't wait to look back on this year and feel like he accomplished something other than to drive me over the edge.