Thursday, December 22, 2011
They Are Going To Clone Me
The fun has begun. My son is starting to break down a little. No violence but some emotions that are becoming harder to hide are coming out. He is right next to me or in his room with an alarm at all times. If this is as bad as it gets, life will be good.
We have so many professionals in and out of our home to support both him and the rest of the family. We hear the same thing over and over, there just doesn't seem to be anything they can find we should do differently or resources that would help. We end of educating them on the reasons behind the behavior and how to minimize them. It would be funny if it wasn't such a serious subject.
I found it entertaining a couple of these professionals began to panic when my son escalated yesterday. Their first instinct was to call the police and have him admitted. We were no where near that point and I had to calm them down. As far as I was concerned, he was doing well. Everyone was safe and no one was hurt or in danger. He was mad. He was loud. He was doing the best he could. I think it really gave them insight to his special needs and how well we manage them. The things they seemed to focus on seemed so minor to me in the grand scheme of things. I tried to explain those issues (crazy lying, denial of obvious truths, and playing the victim) would all fade as he heals. We address them but don't dwell on them. The therapist explained she had never seen anyone do it to the extreme they do. I literally laughed. Welcome to my life.
Last week, I had to fill out a ton of paperwork so one of them could properly decide what level of care Patches is on. I tried to negociate a lower score on many of the topics and gave her my reasons. She was so kind and simply repeated, "you can put a 3 on it but i'm going to change it to a 5". In the end, she closed the folder and and leaned in to tell me she had never seen a score so high in all the decades she has done this. She went on to tell me she has never seen a child even close to her level of care be managed in a facility with such success as our family does here at home. She is anxious to clone me and find a way to use us to develop a model to help other adoptive families. She actually claimed I was her Christmas present this year. I can barely get my head through the door now.
We have so many professionals in and out of our home to support both him and the rest of the family. We hear the same thing over and over, there just doesn't seem to be anything they can find we should do differently or resources that would help. We end of educating them on the reasons behind the behavior and how to minimize them. It would be funny if it wasn't such a serious subject.
I found it entertaining a couple of these professionals began to panic when my son escalated yesterday. Their first instinct was to call the police and have him admitted. We were no where near that point and I had to calm them down. As far as I was concerned, he was doing well. Everyone was safe and no one was hurt or in danger. He was mad. He was loud. He was doing the best he could. I think it really gave them insight to his special needs and how well we manage them. The things they seemed to focus on seemed so minor to me in the grand scheme of things. I tried to explain those issues (crazy lying, denial of obvious truths, and playing the victim) would all fade as he heals. We address them but don't dwell on them. The therapist explained she had never seen anyone do it to the extreme they do. I literally laughed. Welcome to my life.
Last week, I had to fill out a ton of paperwork so one of them could properly decide what level of care Patches is on. I tried to negociate a lower score on many of the topics and gave her my reasons. She was so kind and simply repeated, "you can put a 3 on it but i'm going to change it to a 5". In the end, she closed the folder and and leaned in to tell me she had never seen a score so high in all the decades she has done this. She went on to tell me she has never seen a child even close to her level of care be managed in a facility with such success as our family does here at home. She is anxious to clone me and find a way to use us to develop a model to help other adoptive families. She actually claimed I was her Christmas present this year. I can barely get my head through the door now.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Happy Birthday, Ruthie!
Ruthie turned 13 yrs old today. I couldn't be any more proud of her. The differences she has made and continues to make on a daily basis is nothing short of amazing. I think back to last year and how I felt about her. I was not comfortable with her living here again. Keeping my eyes on her 24/7 was exhausting. She was still having a hard time talking about all her feelings and behaviors. She refused to stay with me and had to be attached to me with a leash to keep the other kids safe.
Today, I never have to think about where she is. She always tells me when she leaves the room and finds her own partner if she wants to play somewhere beside next to me. She makes sure she is not only responsible for herself but lets me know if someone crosses the boundaries she needs to keep. She goes out of her way to make sure here siblings feels safe and no longer complains about that responsibility. She feels remorse for her previous actions. She communicates her needs and feelings like nobody's business. She is thoughtful and respectful. I love this child so much I ache. She is going to be successful and not because of anybody but herself. She made a choice to become a productive member of our family again and has grown beyond our greatest dreams. I can't wait to see what she does next.
Today, I never have to think about where she is. She always tells me when she leaves the room and finds her own partner if she wants to play somewhere beside next to me. She makes sure she is not only responsible for herself but lets me know if someone crosses the boundaries she needs to keep. She goes out of her way to make sure here siblings feels safe and no longer complains about that responsibility. She feels remorse for her previous actions. She communicates her needs and feelings like nobody's business. She is thoughtful and respectful. I love this child so much I ache. She is going to be successful and not because of anybody but herself. She made a choice to become a productive member of our family again and has grown beyond our greatest dreams. I can't wait to see what she does next.
Friday, December 02, 2011
I Already Need A Glass Of Wine
This day is not starting off well. I walked outside to 2 flat van tires. Yes, two! I filled them up only to hear the air pouring out of them. My poor DH worked all day yesterday, came home for dinner, worked all night, came home for a shower, and went back to work. He never slept. He will not be of any help today. The poor guy needs to sleep. Not sure how but I need to get to the RTC to get my son. Let's see what else can happen....
And Then There Were 8....
Today Michael is discharged. He will be returning home after 15 months of living in a residential treatment center. He has made progress in the last 2 months. He will need a huge support group in order to succeed. Our main goals for him are to be safe and nonviolent towards me. We are as ready as we can be. He desperately wants to be successful. With the addition of an upgraded video monitoring system and door alarms, a huge team of professionals/therapists, tolerant siblings, and motivated parents, I think we can do this. I'm sure he will have setbacks. I'm sure we will all be angry, at some point. I know we love him and want him home. What more could we ask for?
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