tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post4961032481109742104..comments2023-07-29T10:18:53.786-04:00Comments on Finishing Off My Family: Busy DayTuduhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02905378586653219136noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-87626615405702532882008-04-11T10:46:00.000-04:002008-04-11T10:46:00.000-04:00I hate leaving this anonymous but my abuse was nev...I hate leaving this anonymous but my abuse was never reported and I'd like to keep it this way. I have to say, all the therapy and all the love will not make the urge to abuse go away. I was abused and I'm not an abuser but when I see an opportunity I do recognize it...I've been in counseling and know how sick it is, but I can't help but recognize an opportunity to abuse. I was 25 when I finally realized that what I had experienced was in fact abuse but you never heal. It's always there and it always makes you feel involuntarily involved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-19056864455370002032008-04-10T12:29:00.000-04:002008-04-10T12:29:00.000-04:00I have been lurking here for awhile and thought th...I have been lurking here for awhile and thought that I should introduce myself. I am the adoptive Mom to a beautiful 8yr old biracial daughter with RAD. I actually read your blog from start to finish and am amazed by your attitude! These kids are really lucky to have you. We have had our daughter for 15 months and in May our adoption will be final for 1 year! I have gotten to know Lisa & J through an online support group and she pointed me here. I am glad she did!<BR/><BR/>GerriAlyssa's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11004459693104286954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-27533119422191948592008-04-09T20:56:00.000-04:002008-04-09T20:56:00.000-04:00Aaahhh, the inappropriate hurts. My daughter nearl...Aaahhh, the inappropriate hurts. My daughter nearly chewed off her thumb the other day, then tried to dig the nail off the other thumb when I told her to cut it out, then ripped her big toenail off so it would gush blood everywhere. No tears. No sweat. Just surprise that I said "Gross." Yet, she was limping an hour later for a bruise on her knee that she had gotten 4 days or so earlier. Huh? You could cut off her arm and if there were toys around she wouldn't notice but god forbid that papercut to get in the way of schoolwork. That's definately a reason to go to the nurse's office...four times. Kids with R.A.D. Gotta love 'em.Torinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00992090842674056507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-24272501803932979592008-04-09T17:50:00.000-04:002008-04-09T17:50:00.000-04:00Or more accurately, if you can't control the timin...Or more accurately, if you can't control the timing of it, is what I was trying to say.Mongoosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13545512692510569390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-61442937488689359092008-04-09T17:48:00.000-04:002008-04-09T17:48:00.000-04:00I think like all of us, she'll change when she's c...I think like all of us, she'll change when she's convinced that there is more to be gained by changing than by keeping the same behaviour.<BR/><BR/>Like I was saying on someone else's blog recently, kids have no real consequences in life. She can't babysit... Does she really care? I doubt it. When you get to where you can't pay rent or buy food or you're going to jail or someone just pulled a knife on you, you're a little more likely to think "hmmmmmmm..." than when you're 11 and you can't babysit.<BR/><BR/>I'm not saying quit trying, of course. Just don't take it personally if <EM>you</EM> can't make it happen.<BR/><BR/>((HUGS))Mongoosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13545512692510569390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-55037637939911565542008-04-09T15:21:00.000-04:002008-04-09T15:21:00.000-04:00I so can feel your anguish in dealing with your da...I so can feel your anguish in dealing with your daughter's grooming behaviors. My middle daughter had to be supervised at all times also. But she would still get around the rules and sometiems I would let my guard drop. Each time she pounced and we had the abuse fallout to deal with. What I love is how other people refuse to hear you when you express the need for constant vigilance with the child. My daughter was exceptional at fooling the other adults in her life into thinking she was a sweet, compassionate, misunderstood child. And then despite warnings, the school would let her "aide" in the kindergarten room, or in the multi-handicapped room. And we would have incidents. <BR/>I hope she makes progress in therapy, my darling did not get as much help from therapy as I would have hoped, but I learned a lot! So it was all good.<BR/>Bethquilted familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01376628786325023826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21448744.post-78607844695886067382008-04-09T13:18:00.000-04:002008-04-09T13:18:00.000-04:00Wow, you are a terrific mom with insight like that...Wow, you are a terrific mom with insight like that. Most people would just be glad the kids are "getting closer" or "playing together more." You've learned vigilance, and thankfully you have the 2 girls as allies in that area. We wnt to trust our kids, to believe they are progressing and healing, but need the guts to see things as they really are to actually help them. Yesterday my daughter (13) laughed and made inappropriate comments on hearing that our dear friends' dog died. That was a clue for me. I'm realizing empathy is not "learned" -- you can learn to FAKE having empathy, but the real thing either springs out of your heart or it doesn't. I'm torn between interpretig her laughter and comments as nervousness because deep down she really DOES care about the friends and the dog -- or taking it a face value and seeing her mental health where it really is. -- RachelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com